Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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SaraBT 01/12/2015

Pinky hasn't contacted us since November 8 and just called last night as if nothing was wrong. She asked to speak to the kids and I gave the phone to my husband. He spoke to her for a while, then let her talk to the two youngest (the eldest refused).

I heard through the grapevine that she's all but homeless and using meth and heroin. I thought I'd Google the number she called us from because it looked like a business-type number (double zeros). I got her "escort" page!!!!! So it's official - she's hooking and seems to have been for a while, because her new page says she's "back" and wants to "connect with old friends and new."

Do you think hooking is grounds for refusing to let her talk to the kids or visit? I know the drugs are, but I wonder if she could put us all in danger. She already had one stalker boyfriend who filed a false report with CPS and we had to go through a lot before we got the unfounded letter. Now we're in the middle of the adoption process and I'd hate to see anything go wrong.

nutsandbolts 01/12/2015

Sara, your gut feeling towards this question is already giving you the answer. You've done a fantastic job with the GC and soon they will be yours. You know Pinky better than anyone and you know your kids. I know from reading your writings that you'll do whats best for all.

SaraBT 01/12/2015

I'm pretty much counting on the fact that after a call or two she'll drop out of sight again. OMG, she is all OVER the internet. Thank God her clothes are on in the photos, but it was still shocking to see her posing on several sites. One day the kids could see those pages...UCK!

grammy22 01/12/2015

Personally I would have cut off contact a long time ago. I just do not do well around drama and do not want it around me. I not remember how old your oldest is but if over 12 they may already know how to find Mom on the computer, if not then one of their friends will find her.

SaraBT 01/12/2015

All they have to do is Google the number she called us from. That's how I found her - in two seconds.

daisydduck 01/13/2015

Perhaps it's time to do visits at a public place with two hour limit and restrictions if she shows up high. This would also give older one opportunity to stay home or be with friends if she doesn't want to see . mom. This could send strong message to Pinky that her behavior has consequences.

GiGi923 01/14/2015

I think the drugs alone is a reason to cut her off but she may stay away on her own. My step-daughter has had escort pages and has had videos on porn sites. She didn't come around us when she was in that lifestyle.

GMaWilli 01/16/2015

Do you & your husband plan on cutting her out of the picture after your adoption?

SaraBT 01/16/2015

Oh, yeah, GMa. LOL We can't wait!
Our eldest (the one who was cutting) stopped doing that about a year ago. Pinky said she saw her Christmas photos online and the cuts were fresh and "I was crying my eyes out." My eldest and I just rolled our eyes at each other. She won't speak to Pinky, and I don't blame her. Now Pinky started telling the middle granddaughter to "watch over" her big sister. This is SO inappropriate - so I just told the girls that there will be no Facetime with "Mommy" unless we're in the room listening.

LucilleM 01/18/2015

I think it's heartbreaking that your daughter is hooking. Who know what can lead a person to do this, drugs, environment, emotional and sexual abuse, etc. I pray one day your daughter will get the help she needs. She too deserves peace and love.

Your concern is now your grandchildren.

SaraBT 01/18/2015

Exactly, Lucille!

Way back in the day, when Pinky was 14, her mother got into a very horrible relationship with a druggie - and married him for a year or two. They allowed Pinky to do smoke cigs, drink and do drugs - that's how she started.

Then her mom divorced the pig and cleaned up her own act, but Pinky was never able to.

horsepad 01/27/2015

Really don't have any suggestions about visits. My daughter has been a hooker on and off. Just depends if she needs money for drugs. She just got arrested for dealing herion but out already. I let my girls see my daughter whenever she decides to show up which isn't often. They don't look at her as their mom and accept her as she is. Although they don't know its drugs they do know she is not capable of taking care of anyone I NEVER allow them to go anywhere with her. That's fine with them. They have seen her high and it scares them. They thought she was drunk

scgramma 01/27/2015

Hate to say it, but right now I wouldn't to rock the boat since you are in process,afterwards I'd limit her contact . I would t let her take them anywhere since u can't guarantee she won't expose them to something or someone. It's high risk behavior.

LucilleM 01/28/2015

Can't comment on prostitution because I see that type of activity as Pinky also being a victim. It's heartbreaking. Ask your caseworker what she thinks. I know that in my grandkids case their father was often high on something on the supervised visits at the CPS office. He was still able to interact with the kids, however he has missed about 4 visits now. I suspect he was too busy getting high.

I'm not clear -- are the visits supervised by CPS? If so then they can make a determination as to the safety of the visits.

SaraBT 01/28/2015

Actually, we don't care if she's hooking, since she is an adult.
What we worry about is her getting involved with yet another dangerous stalker type while we're in the middle of the adoption process.
Her last "boyfriend" is the one who reported us to CPS, claiming that my stepsons live with us and we all do heroin together while Pinky locks the kids in the bedroom and entertains clients in the living room. That took months before we got our "unfounded" letter!

LucilleM 01/28/2015

SaraBT

I hope all goes smoothly during the adoption process.

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