It's been a long time since I've raised teenagers and I've forgotten mostly the negative stuff. I do remember some serious challenges. One daughter was an absolute wild hair and she turned out just fine -- she graduated college sum cum laude, married a nice man and has 2 sons. She has a very nice life but when she was a teenager it was very difficult. My middle daughter was a peace of cake and did everything by the book and she also went to college and graduated and has a great job. My third daughter was the easiest child to deal with -- she was so sweet, gentle and compliant until the teenage years. I thought it was the typical teenage rebellion and angst What I didn't imagine was that my daughter was developing a mental illness and it became clear when she went off to college and had a complete meltdown -- it was like a nuclear explosion.

It's hard for me to give advice about teenagers -- I was much younger and now that we are grandmother raising teenagers can be harder. Our family did attend family counseling with one of the kids and it helped and looking back we were too strict with the kids. If I could do it all over again -- I probably would be a little more laid back -- but not so laid back where the kids walk all over me.

I know I haven't answered your questions because each kid is so different. I'd say listen to your instincts -- if you feel counseling will help you and your granddaughter -- go for it. Maybe there are things she wants to talk about but is afraid of being judged or she believes that there is no room for other ways of doing things in the family. Perhaps both of you going to counseling together and then separately will help. Sometimes we think we know our kids but then later we discover there is so much we don't know.

Counseling can work miracles - or it can do nothing. In my experience it seems to depend on the counselor.

Our eldest granddaughter was cutting, doing poorly in school, withdrawing, etc. We went to counseling and hated the counselor, so we stopped.

Then when things got bad again we went back to the same place but requested a different counselor. OMG the change was amazing! Our granddaughter and I both adored the new counselor (who by coincidence was also an adoption specialist) and one year later she is a totally different child! Honor roll, no more cutting, etc.

Our middle granddaughter liked her counselor, and they got along. But that counselor was more into behavior modification than talk therapy. Absolutely nothing changed. I wish we had requested someone else, but my granddaughter kept saying she liked the counselor. Who knows? Maybe it did do some good...

The right counselor can make all the difference, and my advice would be to change them until you find the one your granddaughter connects with. And make sure you participate whenever needed, as well!

Raising teenagers today is definitely different and more challenging. I think you did right removing her from negative friends. You need to continue reinforce the respect you have taught her which can lead her to make better choices. Counseling may work but I think group therapy might be better and less costly. Check with your community and school that have peer counseling. We always worried about taking phone away because we then had no contact with him. Try keeping her home as a consequence and take phone away during that period. Follow your instincts. You've been doing well so far. Don't let the teen years intimidate you.

I agree and disagree on some issues. Looking back on all the trouble I've had with my youngest daughter, I'm of the firm belief the cell phone was a major contributing factor in her downward spiral. I was a Metro Transit driver tied to the wheel of a 60 ton bus everyday, so I bought her one for safety reasons. The first month's bill came and there were over 2500 text messages reported. Her grades plummeted. She went from A's & B's to D's and F's and some incompletes. All of the sudden she was part of a network of unsavory friends leading her astray. She then learned how to use the thing as a tool of deception. She would call asking me if she could go somewhere...I'd ask to speak with the parents. She used the 3 way calling feature to zap me to someone's brother, uncle, aunt...who ever to cover for her. After about a year...I figured out that I had no clue what she had been up to. All high schoolers know how to do this...it's a common practice I found out about during a group counseling session.
And then there's the social media issue...Facebook, My Space etc. This technology destroyed my daughter. She lived and breathed and bathed with that cell phone by her side and her computer.

I had her in a private christian school until the last month of her 7th grade. We had moved and thought it was a good idea to meet new friends in the area for summer. She was devoured in the public school system. She was instantly dubbed a 'Ho' by the other girls because she was so pretty and the boys were falling all over her.
The social media venue was the perfect way for these vicious girls to slander her and basically ripped her to smitherines causing severe emotional trauma. The tears she cried were constant. So much drama from this technology.
That was 10 years ago, 7 treatment centers ago, Her adolescence was spent running away repeatedly, she dropped out of high school, became addicted to heroin and meth and is now serving a prison sentence....I look back and wish to God I had never pulled her out of christian school and bought her a cell phone and laptop.
My grandson will not have either.
I met a mother the other day who was having problems with her daughter for about a year. She learned her 12 yr old daughter had set up a Facebook page and was posing as a 20 yr. old, all dolled up. Men were stalking her on this site. The mother was horrified and disconnected the cable. She has never allowed her to have a cell phone either. Of course the daughter was mad for quite sometime...but her attitude eventually changed and she's no longer having any problems with her. She's back to being a really sweet girl again. Her report card was all A's and B's. When she needed a computer for school she went to the library, just like WE use to do.
I applaud this woman...in my daughter's case...this is what was needed during her adolescence. I remember life before cell phones. I don't think they belong in the hands of a child.

I think that these kids need structure and strong parenting. My husband and I realized we would have to adapt our rules of parenting and set aside our lives. It was hard but had its rewards. It's funny now that his friends are having kids. He's a godparent to one and very diligent on her care. Somehow the message got through.

I agree with daisyduck that children need structure and the structure has helped the kids and me tremendously. I am still learning how to parent at 65 because I'm far from perfect and am working on breaking some old habits I have. And I also agree on the amount of electronics to give the kids. I do not allow the kids online games unless its on PBS or other games that are specifically geared towards children. One online game advertised to children have ads about Las Vegas. What is up with that ? I believe the gaming industry are very clever by designing games for kids that exposes them early on to gambling. Be very careful in what type of games you allow your grandkids to play. My grandson has already asked for his own cell phone and I've told him that will never happen. He's only 7!