Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Well today has been a hard one for me. As some of you may know my husband and my son do not get along. I remarried 5 yrs after the death of my kids dad. Part of the reason I feel they don't get a long is that my son has never fully gotten over the death of his father at a young age plus they are both a lot alike, although neither one would admit that!
Son came and asked to sleep in one of our vehicles last night. I granted that wish although he also had the keys to turn it off and on for additional heat as it got down to like 13 degrees F here. He also ran an extension cord out and to the van so he could charge his phone/computer.
Hubby saw that this morning and went ballistic. Hubby was also very upset that son had now moved from the van down to his room in the basement. In fact, hubby once again used his well voiced line, " I just as well move out so he can be happy in HIS house!" I didn't give him much of a response as I am so tired of hubby threatening me with leaving due to things with my son. ( Won't get into the crap with his oldest daughter now)
I called son up and said, "Hey.. I really need you to get out of the house. I am tired of getting reamed by both you and hubby on a daily basis over things." Son agreed to see what he could do. FINALLY...like 3 hour later he called asking if we could drop him off somewhere about an hour away. Now it is snowing here, sticking to the roads, and starting to drift!!
So we finally left the house with son, his 8 mo old daughter, 6 yr old grand daughter we have legal guardianship over, myself plus hubby driving. We finally get to our destination which took longer due to road conditions. It was a Rescue Mission. Right as we were loading up to leave my son looks at me and says" When I get settled I will come get my daughter and you will NEVER see her again. If I am not wanted here, then she isn't wanted either!" I was so crushed as baby girl and I have bonded so very very well.
Son went and checked in and finally came out and got his things. He left a few things with me that he knew he couldn't keep with him that I brought home and put up for him. The sad part was that he never kissed his baby girl so long or anything. He never hugged her,etc.
We did a couple quick things after dropping him off and headed home as hubby has to get up very early for work on Thursday. I felt so sad leaving him there but he had chosen the shelter to go to on his own this time. According to their website, they offer different kinds of programs and help for the guys that stay there.
A part of me wanted to cry as we pulled away... i wanted to run and hug him and tell him things would be okay and that I love him. I know this is hopefully a good step on his part and a sign he is willing to try to get help and get his life together. We have been told that he shoots up drugs, but I don't know if he does or not.
So as I write this, my heart is both sad and full of relief. Sad because he is down there but full of relief as there won't be any more fussing and fighting here at the house. I have his sweet beautiful baby girl still with me for the time being. I promised to keep her safe and away from harm while he is gone.
How do you deal with all of this grief, stress, etc? I am mad at hubby as he finally "got what he wanted", scared that son will keep his word about coming and taking baby girl away from me, and relieved that maybe he will finally get some of the help he has been needing for awhile.
I feel like such a failure as a parent tonight knowing where my son is staying. I am glad he is inside where it is warm, where he will be feed, and hopefully get some help.
So now we wait and see what happens with him I guess. *SIGH*
Son came and asked to sleep in one of our vehicles last night. I granted that wish although he also had the keys to turn it off and on for additional heat as it got down to like 13 degrees F here. He also ran an extension cord out and to the van so he could charge his phone/computer.
Hubby saw that this morning and went ballistic. Hubby was also very upset that son had now moved from the van down to his room in the basement. In fact, hubby once again used his well voiced line, " I just as well move out so he can be happy in HIS house!" I didn't give him much of a response as I am so tired of hubby threatening me with leaving due to things with my son. ( Won't get into the crap with his oldest daughter now)
I called son up and said, "Hey.. I really need you to get out of the house. I am tired of getting reamed by both you and hubby on a daily basis over things." Son agreed to see what he could do. FINALLY...like 3 hour later he called asking if we could drop him off somewhere about an hour away. Now it is snowing here, sticking to the roads, and starting to drift!!
So we finally left the house with son, his 8 mo old daughter, 6 yr old grand daughter we have legal guardianship over, myself plus hubby driving. We finally get to our destination which took longer due to road conditions. It was a Rescue Mission. Right as we were loading up to leave my son looks at me and says" When I get settled I will come get my daughter and you will NEVER see her again. If I am not wanted here, then she isn't wanted either!" I was so crushed as baby girl and I have bonded so very very well.
Son went and checked in and finally came out and got his things. He left a few things with me that he knew he couldn't keep with him that I brought home and put up for him. The sad part was that he never kissed his baby girl so long or anything. He never hugged her,etc.
We did a couple quick things after dropping him off and headed home as hubby has to get up very early for work on Thursday. I felt so sad leaving him there but he had chosen the shelter to go to on his own this time. According to their website, they offer different kinds of programs and help for the guys that stay there.
A part of me wanted to cry as we pulled away... i wanted to run and hug him and tell him things would be okay and that I love him. I know this is hopefully a good step on his part and a sign he is willing to try to get help and get his life together. We have been told that he shoots up drugs, but I don't know if he does or not.
So as I write this, my heart is both sad and full of relief. Sad because he is down there but full of relief as there won't be any more fussing and fighting here at the house. I have his sweet beautiful baby girl still with me for the time being. I promised to keep her safe and away from harm while he is gone.
How do you deal with all of this grief, stress, etc? I am mad at hubby as he finally "got what he wanted", scared that son will keep his word about coming and taking baby girl away from me, and relieved that maybe he will finally get some of the help he has been needing for awhile.
I feel like such a failure as a parent tonight knowing where my son is staying. I am glad he is inside where it is warm, where he will be feed, and hopefully get some help.
So now we wait and see what happens with him I guess. *SIGH*
Go file for custody immediately, at least temp custody. It will be granted. Your gd needs you to stand up for her.
At some point it is irrelevant what kind of a parent someone has been. Virtually all parents try to raise their children on the side of right. If our mistakes created these addicts, then ALL kids would be addicts, because ALL parents make mistakes. :-)
Our adult children are 100% responsible for their own lives now, and have put us into a position where we must raise their children in order to keep them away from destructive behaviors. If that means kicking the "adults" out of our homes, then so be it. The behavior that led us to do that is on them, not us. We have our own spouses who should be our priorities at this point in our lives. Now we have young children on top of that. There's just no room for some grown-up child who still refuses to get off the drugs/alcohol or get ON the medications they're supposed to take, or simply grow up.
Don't feel bad at all, KSLady! You are going above and beyond what anyone would do by taking in a grandchild. It would be a different story if your son was a model recovery participant for a year, actively seeking a job or completing education, etc. etc. But he isn't there yet and that isn't your problem, sorry to say.
Just pray that he finds his way, and focus on your own lives. And try for legal custody so you'll have something stable for your grandchild.
I had a worker with the Early Head Start Program stop by the house today. She has been coming for the past few months along with a gal from the Infant & Toddler program. The gal from EHS did tell me today that probably given everything that I could file for custody/guardianship of the baby and be granted it. I told her I didn't want to go there just yet, but I do know that time is getting closer.
I did "chat" with son today. He is still playing his games and lying to people about things. I read one post to a friend of his where he said he has slept the last 4 nights outside in the cold. Let's see last night, he should have been inside the shelter, the night before he slept in our van with the key so he could start it and get warm along with 2 sleeping bags,etc. Sunday & Monday nights he sneaked into our house and down to the basement to sleep in his old bedroom. So I know for a fact he has NOT been sleeping out in the cold every night. He spent most of the week before sleeping in our basement as well.
I did see a conversation today where he might be headed out of state the first of next week. If he leaves and does not leave me any written permission, then I will be forced to file for emergency custody of her which will really piss him off.
I am just so tired of all the drama and upset. Son denied during our chat that he had a problem with drugs or anger. I know he has one with anger for certain...drugs possibly as well.
I guess I will wait and see what happens this next week or so. Maybe having to file for custody of the little one...*Sigh*
I had to put my stepson out of the house as well or risk loosing my granddaughter. That has been a long time ago for me. We found out right before Christmas he was back in jail for drugs ...but at least we know he is alive and not using at the moment.
So although I am sadden that he is possibly bringing another child into the world he will probably not care for, at least I know this girl will want the baby and will take care of the baby.