To all of us grandparent's......This will be my granddaughter's first Valentine's Day. I sit here waiting for her to wake up and look back over the years at my own life before her. I try to keep the emotions held in as when I was little, I would wake to candy and goodies on my bed from my parents and eventually...from my husband (deceased). I remember how excited I was and always knew how much I was loved. I want this baby to know how much she is loved and as much as I show her, I still have so much anger with her parents. I don't know how to accept what they have done and how they gave her up for drugs. I have read so much about addiction and it doesn't matter how much I read.....I still have hurt in my heart for her. I have hurt for me. I become selfish at times as this is not what I planned for my life at almost 55 years old. A grandmother...of course. A stand-in mother and father....not so much. I cherish this child and don't want her to ever feel unloved or unwanted by what her parents have done.I wonder if there will be psychological problems down the road. I wonder if she will understand and be accepting of this. I feel so tormented at times with the feelings of why did they, how could they ,and the big question of what will happen down the road. Taking day by day is my life. I can't look at a future as I have no clue what is ahead for her or me. I love her so much that it truly hurts. I feel hate and anger for her parents. I've prayed to let it go and to forgive. It hasn't worked. I can't let my feelings go. I'm reminded every day by what their actions did to me and her. How does your heart stop hurting because of the anger? I try to consume my thoughts with her love and her knowing that she is safe and loved. I'm only human though.I try to keep my emotions under control and make sure that she never sees anything but a smile on my face, but it still hurts. I will keep moving forward and hopefully learn or at least understand this one day, but for today.....she will have a great Valentine's day and know how much she is loved! Life is good...God is good...