Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
My beautiful 22 month grandson has been with hubby and I for a year now.
At first I thought that this would be a "temporary" change of life style for us. It took a while to adjust and now realize that he will be with us forever.
I love this little guy with all my heart! But some days I would like to just shake that DD of mine and say: Wake Up!! Do you realize what you are missing out on?? Unfortunately that would fall on deaf ears. She has made no "real" attempt what-so-ever to rebond with the little guy. Only drops in and out of his life long enough to confuse him :(
Human Services has given her until October of this year to put herself in a position to get him back - but I can see that is not going to happen.
Court is in Oct and on that same day, if nothing has changed, they will terminate her parental rights. We have already started the adoption procedure. We are doing what is best for this child. He is in a stable, loving home. Actually, it's the only home he has ever known! I had him off and on from the time he was born and then he was placed with us a year ago. We are fortunate to have really great social workers to deal with. They understand what is truly best for the child, although they had to go through the normal "give the mom another chance" ordeal - for a year!
Hubby and I are adjusting to our new life style as well. It just took some time. I have other grandchildren that I don't get to spend as much time with, due to having a toddler. But they seem to understand.
It does frustrate me though to know that GS bio mom can go and do whatever she pleases, while we have made huge sacrifices. BUT - we are getting the hugs and kisses and all his love, not her. And that is worth all the sacrifice.
At first I thought that this would be a "temporary" change of life style for us. It took a while to adjust and now realize that he will be with us forever.
I love this little guy with all my heart! But some days I would like to just shake that DD of mine and say: Wake Up!! Do you realize what you are missing out on?? Unfortunately that would fall on deaf ears. She has made no "real" attempt what-so-ever to rebond with the little guy. Only drops in and out of his life long enough to confuse him :(
Human Services has given her until October of this year to put herself in a position to get him back - but I can see that is not going to happen.
Court is in Oct and on that same day, if nothing has changed, they will terminate her parental rights. We have already started the adoption procedure. We are doing what is best for this child. He is in a stable, loving home. Actually, it's the only home he has ever known! I had him off and on from the time he was born and then he was placed with us a year ago. We are fortunate to have really great social workers to deal with. They understand what is truly best for the child, although they had to go through the normal "give the mom another chance" ordeal - for a year!
Hubby and I are adjusting to our new life style as well. It just took some time. I have other grandchildren that I don't get to spend as much time with, due to having a toddler. But they seem to understand.
It does frustrate me though to know that GS bio mom can go and do whatever she pleases, while we have made huge sacrifices. BUT - we are getting the hugs and kisses and all his love, not her. And that is worth all the sacrifice.
I, too, relate to your post about watching the bio mom do whatever she pleases, but you're getting the hugs and kisses. Why, little Pinky is going to the shore with yet another man for Independence Day - without any kids to burden her little brain and inconvenience her at all.
Here's the rub: Because she raised them for their first four or five years they want her. They'd rather live with their "real mom" (what a laugh) because that's who most of their friends live with.
Oh, we get the hugs and kisses. We also get the "can I have new clothes? Can I have this toy? Can I have money for a card and birthday gift for my friend?" Can I sleep over my friend's house? Can you drive me here? Can you take me there? Can I have a sleepover birthday party? Can we go to the movies? Can we go to camp this summer?"
But "Mommy," who can't even afford a birthday card for "her" children, is worshipped. Just a little more salt to rub into the whole thing.
If I can ever get my DH on board, we would take the little girl, but he is looking more at the adjustment in his life and balking. I don't have that problem. I look at what is best for GD.
When I think about the bios living their life as free as a bird without worries or responsibilities and I feel myself getting angry I call my little ones and tell them I need a huggies and kisses I take pics of it and post them to FB for the bios to see... OH how sweet the revenge.
We are raising my husband's oldest GD. We have had her since she was about 4 months old. We went through the whole court process with SRS/DCF that took almost 2 years as they gave bio mom every chance in the world and then some. We have legal permanent guardianship of GD who will turn 6 the end of August.
The sad thing is the bio mom has not learned. She now has a 3 year old son and a 1 yr old daughter that are both in State custody and have been for over a year. We are not able to take them in due to health issues that have developed the last couple of years mainly with me...but also with husband.
The scary thing is that her younger sister informed us this May that bio mom is not using any type of birth control. So I can only imagine that means by the end of the year she will be with child once more. She is only 24 but has no high school diploma or GED, no driver's license, and doesn't keep a job for very long if she ever gets one.
It is always our fault or someone else's fault that she doesn't have her kids with her. She keeps telling everyone she is going to get them ALL BACK. She even tries to convince people she has the oldest one living with her.
Bio mom called the other night to talk to her father. She then asked to talk to her dd. As soon as our company arrived, gd dropped the phone and went off to visit. Bio mom was a little miffed that her dd didn't want to talk to her any more. Husband tried to explain to her what do you expect when you only call once in a while and only see her maybe 3 times a year!
The sad part is that bio mom still has her rights and visitation. Bio dad is not in the picture and hasn't been in years. Bio mom likes to tell me that she doesn't have to talk to me...just her father about HER DAUGHTER! Whatever.....
Even with all the hassles, I know gd is so much better off with us in a stable although sometimes crazy household. She will start kindergarten this fall. She has done dance class for 3 years and is playing softball for the first time this summer. She is wanting to play soccer this fall. She would not be doing any of those things with her bio mom or other grandmother.
They say the the Lord will not give you more then you can handle, but there are days I do wonder! It is kind of nice to know we aren't the only ones in this situation.