Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I always start planning the boys' parties at least a month ahead and I need suggestions on a couple of things about his party
My gransons b'day is October 24 and it falls on Sunday this year,which in my hubby's family Sundays are usually the only time we have parties.My neice's [ on my side] b'day is the 23rd and my great nephew's [hubby's side] is the 25th.I have tlked to my nephew and his wife about doing a combined party on the 24th but that didn't go over very well with them.I have tried to reach my sister about either doing a combined party on the 23rd with my neice or her doing their party on Friday evening.Last year we did her party with his but she got upset because there were so much "baby boy" stuff at the party,she will be 9 this year and he will only be 4.Last year I had to add her at the last minute because I found out her mother hadn't planned to even giver a present for her b'day much less a party because she cared more about buying her drugs than doing a party for her child.Any way it goes I am stuck.If I do it with my neice then I will end up paying for it all and the party won't be on my gs's b'day.If we do it on Sunday my husbands family won't be there because of the great nephew. And I want to help celebrate all the b'days but I feel like my gs shouldn't be cheated out of his own b'day because another child's b'day is the next day.I feel like very child should have their own "big day' so I am not really happy with him sharing a b'day party but I do want his party at least close to his b'day not a week before or after.
The other thing I need advise on is his bio dad.My sister saw him a few days ago and he asked about the boys.He told her that my dd,the bio mom,told him that i had said that if he came anywhere near the boys that i would sic immergration on him { he is an illegal} and have him deported.I never said that but it does sound like something she would do.He told my sisterthat he was willing to sign his rights and let us adopt but he still would like to be able to see them and call to check on them from time to time.He says he don't want to interfear in any way but he would like to know how his sons are and maybe get pics of them once in a while.I also found out that the boys have a little brother and sister by him.My question is should I invite them to the party?My hubby will have a fit if I do! he doesn't want either on of the parents to have anything to do with them.But do we have the right to keep these siblings apart?Don't they have a right to get to know each other? After all that I went through with their sister how can I keep these children apart.
My gransons b'day is October 24 and it falls on Sunday this year,which in my hubby's family Sundays are usually the only time we have parties.My neice's [ on my side] b'day is the 23rd and my great nephew's [hubby's side] is the 25th.I have tlked to my nephew and his wife about doing a combined party on the 24th but that didn't go over very well with them.I have tried to reach my sister about either doing a combined party on the 23rd with my neice or her doing their party on Friday evening.Last year we did her party with his but she got upset because there were so much "baby boy" stuff at the party,she will be 9 this year and he will only be 4.Last year I had to add her at the last minute because I found out her mother hadn't planned to even giver a present for her b'day much less a party because she cared more about buying her drugs than doing a party for her child.Any way it goes I am stuck.If I do it with my neice then I will end up paying for it all and the party won't be on my gs's b'day.If we do it on Sunday my husbands family won't be there because of the great nephew. And I want to help celebrate all the b'days but I feel like my gs shouldn't be cheated out of his own b'day because another child's b'day is the next day.I feel like very child should have their own "big day' so I am not really happy with him sharing a b'day party but I do want his party at least close to his b'day not a week before or after.
The other thing I need advise on is his bio dad.My sister saw him a few days ago and he asked about the boys.He told her that my dd,the bio mom,told him that i had said that if he came anywhere near the boys that i would sic immergration on him { he is an illegal} and have him deported.I never said that but it does sound like something she would do.He told my sisterthat he was willing to sign his rights and let us adopt but he still would like to be able to see them and call to check on them from time to time.He says he don't want to interfear in any way but he would like to know how his sons are and maybe get pics of them once in a while.I also found out that the boys have a little brother and sister by him.My question is should I invite them to the party?My hubby will have a fit if I do! he doesn't want either on of the parents to have anything to do with them.But do we have the right to keep these siblings apart?Don't they have a right to get to know each other? After all that I went through with their sister how can I keep these children apart.
On the BD party, I'm not much help. We didn't have a large or close family, so BD's were always just an immediate family affair. We always made a cake, got to pick whatever we wanted for supper, and probably picked a movie to watch, besides opening presents. The kids each had one or two parties in their day, but it was neighborhood friends, and they never got invited to parties. So I'm not much help there.
As to the other - I would not invite him to the party. If you are interested in allowing the biodad to meet and get to know the gc, then I'd meet with dad first - just you and your hubby. After that meeting, you can probably come up with a plan of action. Has he shown much interest before? Is this just a one-time thing? Did this come up all of a sudden? I have a suspicious heart.
If you and hubby don't feel comfortable about it, I wouldn't worry about it. He's not going to be taking you to court. :P
Starting this February, after our third has a party, all parties are DONE! Finished! Over with! From that point on it will be my stepson and his fiancee and my other stepson, his wife and their three kids. And maybe Pinky if she's still off drugs.
That's it. Cake, ice cream, presents and everyone goes home.
It's gotten to the point where we live that you need to have a Build-A-Bear, bowling, ice-skating, roller skating, Chuck-E-Cheese, BounceU, whatever party. Everyone tries to get more creative, and we said "the heck with it."
The last one was a sleepover with a bazillion little girls and I thought I would die. So from now on, simple is better.
as for the bio dad...I understand how you feel b/c of what you just went through with their sister---but I agree you should probably meet with him and the other kids and your husband first---just to test the waters....Do the kids even know who he is??? has he ever been around??? You never know how these other children are being raised you may meet them and not want to have them be around your gks.
If you and your hubby decided not to let him see the kids you could send him pictures.
my best friend had 2 children and was in an abusive relationship she decided to leave him---well the girls were 2-3. she found out she was preg. didn't want to keep the baby (felt she already had her hands full) and doesn't believe in abortion. so she gave the baby up for adoption. It was an open adoption----they sent her pictures and letters as to how and what their daughter was doing. They also stated that when she is 18 if she wants to look her up they will support her in every way. Well my girlfriend, being the sleuth that she is found her on facebook...she hasn't contacted her but she will be 18 later this year and she is looking forward to seeing her is she wants.
but that would be up to you and your hubby.....if you wanted to you could not let him be involved with the kids but send pictures and he could do the same with the other kids to you...and then when your boys are old enough and mature enough if they want to go see and meet them ......
just a thought.
oh yeah and if your gs is anything like my kids/grands they will enjoy 2 parties better than one. LOL
This year we are going to combined my two daughters b-day parties. In fact, we will also have it on Halloween!!
My girls b-days are at christmas time and they are disappointed every year because no can come to party due to holidays and also everyone are broke because of xmas. So, this year we decided to go way out with the halloween/b-day party. We hired a DJ...we finally found one who's cost is low enough for us. I have already started the planning process. We have a lot of decorations because when ever I go to a yard sale and see halloween decorations I buy....My girls are 11 & 13 so we will be making creatures with old clothes and liquid starch. I have old sprinkler PVC pipes that my husband dug up from old owner that we can use to build body. I am going to buy guaze and/or muslin fabric by the bulk to save $$.
The biggest cost will be food, drinks and small gifts for prizes. This is where I will need to make most everything myself. I think I will make cupcakes. If anyone have any tips on food, drinks and small gifts for the teen age group I would appreciate it.
Good luck mamawx4, with your party...Kids do appreciate when you make things special for only them...
Judi
Liam,I know what you mean about kids born at Christmas.My youngest son's b'day is 12/11 and I even forgot to tell him "Happy Birthday" one year before he went to school.So I called the school and talked to the principal [one of my coisins,it does come in handy having so many sometimes] and asked him to wish my son a happy b'day for me.When my son got home that day he was laughing about it but asked that I never do that again.
It is great you have a large family...my family is large however, we live in different states. I have my adult children and my 2 younger ones so I hope to make things special with them until my gs has his own friends.
Judi
When I took him in the house everyone was sitting there quiet I put him in the middle of the room and took the blindfold off....the look on his face was priceless. He was like "you tricked me Mom Mom"
But it was a surprise/firetruck party. My daughter made the cake look like a firetruck...it's nice to see some of the things that I did for them when they were little now being done for her kids now.
MEMORIES.....:-)
Now with the youngest gs his b'day is December 17,one week before Christmas!!! So we can't have it outside so I may have it at the local pizza place I don't know yet!!!
My youngest daughters birthday is Dec 16th so I know how that goes...I always waited til after her birthday to decorate for the holiday so that her birthday didn't seem less. But I must be crazy b/c I would always have them @ my house....I was also an only parent w/ no money. So I just let them decided what kind of theme they wanted and went all out making their cakes and decorating them myself. But if you ask anyone that knows me I always had a house full of kids.
When they were teenagers I would have @ least 10-13 kids boys/girls in my house everyday. I didn't mind b/c I knew where they were and that they weren't getting into trouble or doing something that they had no biz doing. but I use to tell them I was gonna claim them on my taxes b/c they were there from when they got outta school til it was time to go home for dinner and right back after til time to go in.....LOL (now that I said all that I guess I am crazy)
I had alot more patience and energy then I guess.
$150 for up to 12 kids - all paper products and soft drinks included. Pizza and cake extra.
60 minutes bouncing, then 30 minutes on cake and party. They clean up, we go home.
I LIKE THIS!!!!
My youngest's party may end up being at home I really don't know yet but his won't be as big this year as he isn't in school yet.I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.
My neice is going to have a small pary on Friday the 22nd so Jose can have his on the 23rd and my great nephews will be on Sunday 24th.
My ex brother in law is comming in for leave from Afganistan for 2 weeks on the 19th of this month and he is taking my sister and the girls to Disney WORLD for 10 day for their b'days.Him and my sister are talking about getting married again.and I hope they do.
I also agree with the bio dad/other kids...It sounds like a good move..