Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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GMJan 08/30/2009

My oldest daughter just called. She wanted the cell phone I had provided fixed. Note: she had it 2 days before carelessly dropping it in the tub. I had got it for her so the school could get in touch with her about my grandson who just started school and is type 1 diabeties. She claimed they called all the time and her house phone wasn't enough. Well, I don't think they were going to call at night. Anyhow after the phone conversation she says that social services has taken GS after the school principle had come to her mobile home and it was a nasty wreck and she had limited supplies for the child. They took him to the hospital and then social services got involved. They also took her to the hospital because she hadn't took her meds and was crazy. She had wrecked her car earlier in the week (which my sister and I gave her) because at that time she was fine. She had no license and no insurance and the car got impounded. Of course in her mind this is all my fault. She seems to forget that I am raising 2 of her children as well as another. She claims I never loved GS or her and do for everyone else. She has not worked in several years and has no plan to work.. She used to be the hardest worker and the best mother. I never dreamed it would come to this. She has to be messed up in drugs or something. She moved to another state but still close by and left her mobile home abandoned and me cosigned on the loan so there is that mess also. As I have said before my other daughter is in jail on drug charges and her children are all split, I have 1. My boyfriend has cancer and there is little hope, hospice has been called in for him. I don't know where to turn. There is no way I can take in the GS. I work full time and I've used up all my leave dealing with sickness and court dates with my family. I would not be able to say anything nice if I went to court with her. She told social services she had no family. Sorry this has run on so. Don't think it can't get worse because it can and it will. Thank you for letting me vent.

deleted_user 08/30/2009

Dearest GMJan:
I am so sorry that you are going though all this. My heart breaks for your stress.

These are the very reasons I don't do anything to help my son. He will use and abuse me to no end. He can't take care of the three children he has but can go out and have more. He doesn't take care of that one either.

I hope you see what your limits and are able to cope with lifes many craves that it throws to you.

You are in my prays
grandee

cls1988 08/30/2009

Gmjan
First I am so sorry to hear your boyfriend is dying of cancer. I know that has to be on your mind all the time. Second, I understand how you are feeling about taking in your grandson. We just recently got our two granddaughters. Their mother who is my step daughter has not tried to see them or call them. We found letters before the two girls were taken from her where she is trying to get pregnant with another one. My husband and I are just begining all this with raising them and have very little money to go on. I told my husband that if she has another one we can not raise it too. I dont want to be mean but it is reality. It also wouldnt be fair to the other child if we took it and couldnt provide for it. Dont beat yoursel up over this. You have your hands full with what you have now. You are a wonderful person for what you are already doing and dont let your daughter make you feel bad for not taking your grandson. My prayers are with you and if you need to talk or just vent message me.
cls

daisydduck 08/30/2009

You certainly have your hands full. You cannot say or buy anthing that can help your daughter now. She is using you as her excuse for not dealing with life. Don't take it personally, it is her disease whether it be mental illness or substance abuse. I would suggest first that you hire someone to clean up trialer and put it for sale to see if you can salvage anything of the money involved. Secondly, you know in your heart your daughter cannot care for her child as well as you know you have reached your limits. Work with a caseworker to remain involved in the child's life, but see if they can find a good foster family to take him in. I believe that is the best all the way around. It is horrible that you have such overwhelming problems but keep focused on what you need, and can, do. Your job is important in order to care for the gc you have now so you don't want to jeopardize that. I'm afraid all you can do for daughter now is pray that she gets the help she needs. Stay strong. It sounds like you have come a long way. You know you have support from all of us at ds. This is when you learn what one day at a time means....I know because I've been there, done that. God be with you as you travel this path you did not choose.

GMJan 09/01/2009

Daughter went to court about GS today. He will be in foster care until next hearing in October. She has work to do before then. She asked me to file for custody. I already have 2 of her children that she threw out on New Years day. I also have my other daughter's middle child. GS is Type 1 diabetic and there is no way I can handle (5 yr old) him with everything that is all ready going on. I have already filed for custody of my other daughter's baby who is in foster care in my state. GS is in neighboring state. I have no idea what their laws are. He is currently placed with his kindergarten teacher who is also Type 1 with a pump like him. His mother did not make much sense on the phone today but she claims no drugs. I get very little help but I am contacting social services to see if I can get TANF. It won't be much but teenagers (2) are expensive. Just wanted to update.

cls1988 09/01/2009

GMJan dont take this the wrong way but it is probably best for your gs that he is with his teacher. He is familiar with her and she knows how to take care of him with his condition. You have your hands full. It sounds like you are a very good person raising the ones you have. Dont feel bad for your gs. I am sure his teacher is going to take very good care of him. God was looking out for him when he was placed with her. I will pray for things to get easier for you. take care hugs

GMaWilli 09/02/2009

I'm so sorry for all of the heartache you are going through right now. I really cannot imagine how stressed out you are. I only have 1 GC that I'm taking care of & the stress involved is serious enough; moreso the worry of where everything will end up than the stress of raising him; that's the easy part ;0) And adding to it the emotional turmoil of watching your bf suffer through a terminal illness. I think the kindergarten teacher taking your GS in is a real blessing. At least she is someone he knows and probably trusts and now he can be with his foster mother during the day as well as at home. I can't think of anything better, to tell you the truth!! Sounds like a Godsend to me. I hope things start looking up for you. Prayers & hugs!

deleted_user 09/02/2009

GmaJan,
God Bless you! You are doing above and beyond and you are stretched to the max! Remember that if anything happens to you, you won't be there for anyone! Even if this gs has to be in foster care, you can still be GM to him. Even if that's all for now, that is ENOUGH!!! He just needs to know he is still loved and wanted!

I'm so sorry life is so full of disasters right now. Try to look for the little blessings. They are hard to see, but sometimes one will sneak in if we look for it! ;)

God Bless You and take care of YOU!!

deleted_user 09/03/2009

Geez, when I think I have it hard, I see a post like your's that makes me ashamed to fuss. What a great woman you are. I agree about your 5-year-old grandson. His being with his teacher is really a good idea, and thank God she is willing to do that for him. Can you have contact with him? I wouldn't want to lose touch with him.

GMJan 09/03/2009

This has all happened so fast that I haven"t had a chance to talk to their social services. He is in another state. In Virginia I get to see my grandchild who is in foster care once a week and I am even getting her for the weekend, the weekend after Labor Day. I have a court date the end of the month over her custody. An aunt on her dad's side is also trying to get custody of her so I don't know where thats going. Funny thing is this aunt has never been interested in seeing the little girl I have custody of who is also her niece. I wonder what she is up to with this. Not that she is not a good woman and could more than afford to raise her. I can't stand the sisters not being close.

deleted_user 09/03/2009

GMjan- I am with cls1988 on this. You can not take on anymore than you already have. If foster care is a safe place, and you can see the kids whenever possible I would opt for that route. Your health is going to start being affected then you will not be good for anyone. After you get through your hard ache with the husband maybe you can become a foster home for all you grandkids. You would have to get help to come in the day when you are work and also be there at night to assist you after work. You should also enlist the help of the community like big brother/big sister, and other organizations like the boys club of America that will take the kids on outings and let give you breaks. If I were you I would try hard not to get involved with you daughters anymore. Just tell them you are moving on without them and from now on it is about your grandkids. God bless you GM! Every time I hear your story I feel so bad and wished I lived by you so I could help you! Is there anything we can do for you? Make phone calls, write testimonial letters? would sending gift cards help? Let us know! Ill be praying for you!

deleted_user 09/07/2009

GMJan,

I will pray for you -- I am so sorry that you have been put in such a situation by your bios. No one can expect you to do more than you are doing now.

Hugs...

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