Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

446 Members
3,703 Posts
0 Online
Seniors
/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

Grandkids asking for Mom

dianaconroy
dianaconroy
My 4 & 2 year old grandkids have been asking for their mom lately. As of December we have supervised visits and before then in 4 years they never asked or cried about her. Since the supervised visits they will begin to cry and ask for her. Have you experienced this? It seems strange that they've gone from not wanting to go to her house, to crying for her.
daisydduck
daisydduck
They are just confused. Jus reassure them that you are there and mommy w come when she can.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My 5 YO GD goes through stages when she doesn't ask for mom much and then others when she misses her desperately. Due to a facebook post from my DH mom is now at least calling more regularly.
This has seemed to help GD deal with some of her emotons more, as has taking her to a counselor.

Given their ages they are undoubtedly confused, as Daisy said. All you can really do is give them extra love and cuddles. I keep telling my GD that Nana loves her and so does mom but mom just can't take care of her right now. She alternates between misssing mom and being angry at her that she is not around. I found that having a special saying about how much I love her has helped. I tell her I love her "to the moon and back". When she is having a particularly hard time I sometimes ask "how much does Nana love you" and she replies with a little smile 'to the moon and back". For some reason it seems to help get her back on a more even emotional track.
BuffyS
BuffyS
If these judges could live what we live, they wouldn't force these visits with the bio parents. It is so damaging to the grandkids, when the bios are clearly never going to step up. The bios need to just disappear. That is my jaded opinion based on the damage and anguish visits with bio parents caused in our household.
SaraBT
SaraBT
It's as Daisy posted before - the kids grieve the fact that their bios abandoned them. But the repeated presence of the bios in their lives makes the grief raw again -- over and over.

It's the same thing that happens when a romantic relationship is ended by the other person. It's far easier to stay away from that person until the pain goes away. But if they keep calling you and seeing you, it keeps the pain alive and you never have a chance to move on.