Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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scgramma 07/09/2009

Gotta love dss.
My daughter says she cant handle the baby. So I put her in daycare. Biomom wont get a job, says she cant. If shes left with kids she calls me freaking out, so I have to pay for daycare. I already have custody of her almost 3yo son, due to prior neglect/abuse.
I call DSS because every time I tell her to get a job and get her act together or get out, she threatens to take gd to go live with her druggy friends.
Dss says IM the caretaker, since I take her to daycare. Therefore they wont get involved. They actually stated,Since I take her to daycare,I am the caretaker, Im the one responsible to make sure she isnt abused or neglected. If I leave her in an unsafe environment,(with her mother)I am responsible. Since I am protecting her, they won't get involved. So, she keeps custody, I remain a hostage. If I stop protecting her, I can be held responsibe, since I am her caretaker.............

deleted_user 07/09/2009

My heart goes out to you. I hope that the bio mom isn't leaving with you. It truly amazing to me that they can't take care of the child or children that they already have but they can go out and have more.

I'm here for you

scgramma 07/09/2009

mother lives with me, i want her gone. I dont know what else to do. I'm consumed with resetment, I have told her a million times i cant support her and them.i have told her she needs to get out. Iissued another ultimatum, to get a job or a place to stay in 2 weeks, but i doubt she will do either. She says she wants to live with her kids, but she doesn't even clean up after them. My house is a wreck, everything i get her to do comes with 30 minutes of arguing. i wish i could help her without being so full of this burning rage, but i just feel she isnt trying to do anything but take advantage.
Im paying the bills, dh is on unemployment. It's a matter of time before somthing has to give.

deleted_user 07/09/2009

makes me think of my gkids bed rooms and what to do about it. Time to clean house once and for all for both of us. We had to kick the bio mom out. She took the gk with her I was out of town for a death and she called every day for week to see when I would be home so she could bring the kids back. But you know what she walked out the door and has never looked back once. Best thing that we ever did. If you are the caregiver to the kids you don't have to be the caregiver to the mom and you can call DFS and let them know that you feel she is unfit and that you are going to send her packing and that the kids will stay with you. You can also ask her to sign guardianship to you so that you can take better care of them. And that she wouldn't have to worry so much. Maybe she is dumb enough to fall for it. My son was.

deleted_user 07/09/2009

sc i had the same issue when my dd was living with me. i had to (no matter how much it hurt) kick her out knowing full well that soon i would have the gd. i dont know what the gd saw or experienced along the way but i had to do it to get the dd away from my home! i called the police after we got into a big argument and they came and charged her with a domestic battery on me, so that kept her away. then she gave to baby to this one and that one and finally i was able to get her. sounds hard and it is but it worked for me.

that whole issue about you being responsible for the dd actions dont sound right! if you kick her out you wont be!

SaraBT 07/10/2009

Wow, scgramma, that sounds like an impossible catch-22!

If you're up to it, you could sue her for custody of the baby. Then you could kick her out with clean conscience and apply for benefits to help you.

I don't blame you one bit for your resentment. Forcing someone else (and many of us are in our late 50s) to raise your kids -- and then going out and having more of them -- has to be one of the most selfish, self-centered things anyone can do.

My husband's daughter finally got her tubes tied -- after she had three kids.

deleted_user 07/10/2009

What if you tell her to leave and if she tries to take the GD call the police tell them she has no place to go and no place safe to take the GD if they make you let her take her wouldnt that let you off the hook? Then call DSS so they can investigate the place she is living Hope that helps.

Bonkers2 07/10/2009

I feel like they don't take us seriously because we have all told them a million times - we have to stick to our guns so they will believe we are serious - Can you get guardianship? my DIL has supervised visitation only with our guardianship

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