Well we all need a sense of hope I agree. But giving false hope, I think is especially cruel. Why on earth would you build up children's hopes only to destroy it with reality. They are going to have abandonment issues even more so if mommy is always making promises that she can't keep, beyond the fact children will always find a way to make it there fault. Kids to some degree will always hope for the fantasy that is mom and dad all on their own, having a parent confirm these hopes only elevates this hope which I think is much more damaging when the parent can't actually follow threw. We made a point early on that all phone calls would be monitored via speaker phone, and that of dsd started making promises we ended the phone call ASAP. It kinda makes me crazy because my step daughter's mom did the exact same thing to her, always making promises that she would get her back from CPS and the only thing it did for my step daughter was prevent her from ever bonding with any of her foster parents because she always kept the hope mom was going to keep her promise that they would be together again. And she lacks the insight to see that there are any similarities.

Pinky has made those same promises year after year after year -- and not one has come true.
I, too, told her to stop it and at one point I monitored her calls. If she started in on the promises I'd hang up - and I did.

I can't imagine any therapist asking someone to make false promises.

I talked to my sister who is a therapist and deals with custody and dss and she said no therapist would have said that .

best I can figure is that she told them a story of how she just recently lost her job and the kids are with me while she gets a place, either that or she's lying as usual.

As they say in Al-Anon, "if their lips are moving, they're lying."

I've heard through the grapevine that Pinky always talks about "her children," and implies that they're only with us temporarily. So who knows what other stories are floating around? I'm also sure they lie to their therapists, playing the victim. But most good therapists can spot their lies a mile away.

I can't wait to hear the spin Pinky puts on her total failure to call or text anyone for four weeks - including failing to call "her son" yesterday on his birthday. I'm sure it will involve losing her phone, looking for work (HAHAHAHAHA), battery died, needs to find a new place to live, etc. etc. For FOUR WEEKS. HAHAHAHAHA!

The DCF told me not to allow the mother to even talk to the girls on the phone since I can not control what she says on the phone.

If ddmom calls I would not allow her to talk to the kids. You can call her bluff and ask to speak to her therapist, if she is telling the truth about what the therapist has said then set the therapist straight on what ever lies she has told the therapist about the grandchildren's relationship with their mother.

Personally I would not believe a word ddmom says.

I'm sure she worded the question to get the therapist answer she wanted. She wants to give the kids hope but is constantly disappointing them? Taking a trip to Disney today is mega bucks. We vacationed there for the first 10 years with our family and then took our gs thee five times as he was growing up. We had one daughter in college program and the other one worked as Mickey/Minnie. The people who work there are told to sprinkle the "fairy dust" over the visitors to guarantee a magical visit. It's nice but realistically they have a police force larger than most small to medium towns to enforce the laws broken by visitors. My daughter witnessed a father dropkick his kid across the floor of a shop because he wanted a toy. Bottom line is that it is nice but not the cure for dysfunctional parents. Unemployment in Orlando is also high. You are right to hang up on her. Isn't it wonderful that they can get pregnant again when they can't raise the kids they have already? Where are the laws to protect these unborn?

Sara, has anyone heard from Pinky?

GMa, we were out all day yesterday visiting my mother-in-law, and when we got home, there was a rambling message from Pinky.

It was mostly a pity party "poor me, I can't help myself I'm using I'll find a rehab on Monday but my insurance may not pay because I've been to so many already and I went to two meetings and got a sponsor and I"m a piece of crap and I love my children but drugs are more important, you hate me and I don't blame you," yada-yada.

I actually do feel bad for her, but not enough to get involved in her drama anymore. We have three kids who would love to have their mother but don't. I'm sure that we will get The Call one of these days and I can't imagine how we'll break it to the kids.

These addicts just have wiring loose or something - they just don't get it, do they?

From Sara: These addicts just have wiring loose or something - they just don't get it, do they? My reply is that they only get themselves. Disease or not, each time is a choice, and my gd's parents choose themselves, period. They are both in a methadone program. Take enough to remove the cravings, or take just enough so that you can still get high (recreational heroin use)? It's a choice every day. My husband makes a choice every day to take his diabetes meds, how can they be compared?

The drugs alter their brain mapping and they can't make the choice. Your husband knows he needsmeds to be well . They believe the drugs will fix anything. Accept this and be firm with their behavior.