Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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First tears for mommy

nutsandbolts
nutsandbolts
Well, we had our first set of tears for mommy at bedtime . I knew it was going to come sooner or later since the kids are at our house and mommy use to come over a lot and or spend the night. My Gd understands we have classes to take before any visit comes. My daughter can get 2 hours for Thanksgiving, CPS said it was up to us.

As of last weekend she blasted me in text about how I'm such an awful parent, and that I'm holding her kids from her, so after that text I told her our invitation is no longer extended. This all started because she found out about a birthday party our mutual friends were having for their daughter at a roller skateing rink. My daughter insisted it was a public place and she was going to go. I told her if she goes, then the kids would be removed from the party. My daughter didn't show up for the party and the kids had a great time!

Round one.was won with daughter.... Now I have to figure out how to turn the waterworks off at night. :0(
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I'm so sorry for your little GD and I can relate. Kudos to you for setting boundaries and sticking to them with your daughter, though. After everything you've been through, you HAVE to do exactly that or risk someone coming in and uprooting them AGAIN. Doesn't she understand that??? Wow; these bios are SO frustrating!!!!!!!! My GS's mommy is very unpredictable with visits & he gets upset about it, too. Breaks my heart. I watched my oldest (former step) son go through that year after year with his bio mom. At one point, she stepped out of the picture for 3 whole years. Then there were the times he was packed and ready to go and she'd cancel at the last hour. It was terrible for him and it still affects him now at age 28. All we can do is try to shower them with love and extra attention (but not to the point where we overdo it and spoil them rotten), letting them know how important they are to us, & I do try to reassure my GS that his parents love him; although I don't think they deserve me giving them any type of support; I do it for him.

So glad they're home. At least now they aren't going to bed crying for both of you every night. It has to make sleep easier for them. And I KNOW it does for you. Your daughter is like all the rest of our kids. She doesn't appreciate what you are sacrificing to give her children a stable loving home and she has that "poor me" mentality that all addicts have. Bless you, dear.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Tears at night are a heartbreaker. I know my GD sometimes cries at night after we tuck her in. I can hear her but I let her cry because I feel it is a private thing and only last 1 or 2 minutes. I know we all want to protect our Grandchildren from the hurt of not living with their parents, but I guess we can't. Our only hope is for them to see the love we give to them daily and to be there if they need us.
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I think we should talk to our kids about their tears and ask them what is wrong. They need to verbally express what they're feeling and we need to validate their feelings and let them know that we understand and we're sorry they are having a hard time. I will say things like, "I know you love daddy & I know you miss daddy & hopefully we will get to visit with him soon. " and things like "it's okay to be sad". Then again, we might actually be surprised and there may be times when we assume they're crying over mommy or daddy and they're actually not. I've had that happen before, too. I think my son - GS's daddy - actually cries more than he does!! That's hard for me because I know he's brought it all on himself and he's the only one who can change it - but emotionally he's not much more mature than my 4 yo GS at times. It's just tough all the way around.