Do you see the health issues improving soon to the point where you'll be able to care for them physically without assistance from your daughter? If so, I would just do what you can to interact with them more (have them crawl up on the bed w/you and play cards with them or a game, or snuggle and watch cartoons, etc.,)

One of the questions that was asked of us by the GAL was if either of us had any health issues. As I would imagine they want to make sure we will be able to give care now through adulthood. I can understand that concern as most of us are past mid-life.

I do think if the health issues will be ongoing it may be a struggle for you and hard on the grandchildren to not have you involved in their needs. I think it's normal for them to be drawn to whomever is caring for those needs and in this case; your daughter. I would just concentrate on getting the health issues under control so you can get back to caring for them on your own as soon as you can.

I am very thankful for my daughter and future son in law. They help so much with the kids when i have to have someone. I too have worried about what DFS or DCS would say when i got a statement from the dr that said i was unable to give care to the children 24-7 and i needed help with childcare assistance. They didn't say a word. Matter of fact they were helpful. They know we are older and that we can't always do it on our own. People who are in wheel chairs raise children all the time. And they use the help of others to make ends meet. We are no different than they are. And we use the people who are willing to help. I have had to think about what would happen to the children if something would happen to us and I know my daughter will take good care of them. I want them to build a bond with her so it will make the change much easier when it and if it happens. Something I never thought about with my own kids and now i wish i had of.
I feel bad when I see them want her. But at the same time I know they are loving of her and bf and that they will be happy.

I have Fibromyalgia and alot of back problems and am in alot of pain most of the time.My dr has finally found some meds that are working for me.Things are starting to look better.I am having less days where I can't get up.I am getting back to where I am doing alot more with the boys.She[my daughter] still won't let me do alot of lifting and is always trying to make sure that I don't over do it.She gives baths and does alot of the house work and cooking but I am helping more in the last few days.She fusses at me about me not taking naps and resting so much that I feel like the child and her the mother! She even tucks me in when she thinks I'm asleep!!lol

I do want them to love her and I know that if anything should happen to me she will be the one to care for them.They adore her but I worry alot because she doesn't want children of her own because she says she has tham and they're all the kids she needs.I feel like she should be out there looking for someone to start alife and family of her own with.Not taking care of her sisters misteaks[not saying that the boys are mistakes,but you know what I mean]She had a real bad break up a couple of months ago and now she is wrapping her life around me,her dad and the kids.She is only 20 and needs to being doing the things other kids her age are doing not sitting home with us.She don't want to ever go out anywhere and when we do convince her to go out she wants to take them with her.Her brother bought her tickets to see NEW MOON[she's a big fan] movie and we had to just flat out refuse to let her take the boys with her.She needs to get away from them and us some.She is all you could ever ask for in a daughter but she needs a life of her own.She hardly ever does anything for herself.She has finally agreed to take some college courses online.She wants to take 'early childhood education'so she can work with special needs children.That will be that the perfect career for her .She is so good with kids!Every kid she comes in contact with adores her.She is a very loving and caring person and she has a very big heart.I don't know what I would have done without her when things have been so bad for me.

I guess the way it looks I may be the boys mother aftert he adoption is final but I will be sharing my spot with her.They will just have 2 of us but they call me "MOMMY' and her 'SISSY'.

Chronic pain is hard to deal with and it can be depressing. I think you realize that it is good that they go to your dtr. Just accept your role as you can. Work together as a family. Hope you feel better soon.

You (and the kids) are so blessed to have her. She sounds like she loves them and you and it's amazing to hear about someone her age really stepping up to help her family. Gosh, I admire her so much! I'm glad she's there to help you all. Things will get better for you I'm sure.

I agree with nannak. The children will not forget who you are. Your daughter is picking up the slack while you're incapacitated, but at the end of the day, you are going to be raising them to adulthood and your younger daughter will get busy with school or a career or a boyfriend or all three.

It probably feels a little threatening to you for her to be so involved with the boys right now, but frankly you need her to be that way at this time. As your health improves, you will be more capable of playing the dominant role in the boys' lives and your daughter will feel less needed.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel "left out," so don't give yourself all kinds of guilt over it. In a sense you are being temporarily displaced, but you're still the one they look to to raise them.

Your daughter does seem like a blessing, and if she's doing what she likes to do and is happy with it, then I would sit back and let her do her thing :-) If she were doing it out of duty only, then I might worry. But it sounds as if she's a saint!

Remember, there are far worse things a 20-something could be getting into (LOL)