At least I have a girlz nite out tomorrow -- but that's more PEOPLE. YIKES!!!

I DEFINITELY get in those moods and I think the Holidays have put me in one, too. I was just writing to one of my friends today saying I really would like to just stay home New Year's Eve and sit by myself and go to bed early, but I know my boyfriend will be hurt if I tell him that I don't want to be with him on New Year's EVe. He would take it personally. He's alone alot, though, because his kids are grown and gone and I usually only go over to see him one or two evenings during the work week. My GS is going to visit his other grandma for a few nights, so I would be alone if I stayed home. Besides taking care of my 4 yo, I'm always running my daughter back & forth to her group meetings (for HER addiction issues) & taking care of her 7 month old while she's there. Usually 2 evenings a week. I've felt so cranky and short-tempered this past week, I seriously can hardly stand myself. I haven't taken any kind of medicine for years. I used Paxil, the lowest dose, for about 18 months 10 years ago when I was going through my divorce. Lately, I've been finding myself wondering if I should ask my doctor for something like Xanax just to take the edge off. I just hate to resort to that and DON'T want to take anything that will make me gain weight, because I've been busting my can trying to take weight OFF and have totally given up sugar and almost all carbs, and finally my weight is down (still would like to lose another 15-20 lbs.). Yup; I can definitely relate, Sara.

I think we all get in to those moods once in a while. I know I have been in one lately. My only time to myself is in the middle of the night when my insomnia kicks in or at work when I am sitting watching psych patients sleep in the back hall of the emergency department where I work.

I am hoping that now that the holidays are almost over I can shake this mood. With isssues that keep coming up with both Bios though I don't know if that will happen. Bio dad is sitting in jail for a DUI and Bio mom "forgot" to call DGD back Christmas Eve and didn't call at all on Christmas or since. DGD is having a really hard time with this and is lashing out at me because of it. I can only hear "I never want to see you again Nana" so many times before I end up getting hurt by it, though I know it is just her anger at her mom coming through. I finally just said "if you are going to be so mean you can just go to bed and hopefully will be in a better mood tomorrow". If she starts in again we will have to try and problem solve why she is so angry. It is so hard for a 5 year old to process all the emotions being effectively abandoned can make her feel.

GMa, why are you driving her to meetings and babysitting? I used to do that for Pinky and it did absolutely no good. I did it for about six months, and she started using again. It was all for nothing.

It wasn't until she "pursued sobriety with the same intensity that she pursued drugs" that she cleaned up. SHE had to figure out how to get to meetings. She didn't need a babysitter at that point, because we had her kids by then.

Mostly because I want to spend time with my grandson, AND because I want her to continue parenting her son, and the only way that is possible is if she attends these meetings. If she doesn't attend the meetings, then the State will end up taking her son from her and then I will be faced with the painful decision of either taking my infant GS full-time or watching him go to strangers (which would BREAK MY HEART) or watching the other grandma take him. I wouldn't mind HER so much having him, but her drunk-ass boyfriend would be my issue with him going there. So, lending this help at this time could contribute to her actually keeping her son and me not ending up with him full-time. As usual...........it's about the baby.

EclecticCult, you will definitely benefit from getting your granddaughter to start talking about her feelings concerning mommy not visiting or not calling, etc. If she's starting to say hateful things like that to you already @ 5 years old. I raised my ex husband's son. When he was about 12, he told me how it was ALL MY FAULT that he didn't live with his "real" mom, and that if I didn't think she was such a bad person, then his dad would let him live with her. Couldn't be further from the truth. I told him I had no legal say-so whatsoever about where he lived or who he lived with and that he needed to talk to his dad about that. Of course, he was afraid to talk to his dad, so he just always took everything out on me. I look back on those times and wish I would've validated his feelings and given him feedback rather than let it get to me like I did and take it personally like I did. maybe it would've helped him. I'm pretty sure it would've. I think you're very wise not to allow her to get away with talking to you like that now; otherwise adolescence will be unbearable. I think it's key that we keep our lines of communication open with these little ones from early on and get them to talk about their feelings productively so that they don't just take out anger on us.

This thread has me wondering.. Maybe it is just in part the time of year.
With everyone having too much too do, or the kids having too much time on their hands, and lots of hurt feelings going on, and so on and so forth.
I too have had a difficult Christmas with my grandaughter. It has been the first year I actually told her to go home on Christmas eve day and I will see you on Christmas. I said, Christmas Eve is cancelled here at my house. No matter what I did, it was not good enough that day. She was miserable with me. I know she was going to see her fathers side of the family and she confided that she thinks he might be out of jail and he might be there to see her. Truth is, my daughter does not want him near her. He has been out for awhile my d just has been lying to my gd. I stay out of it. This kid is desperate to see her father or hear from him. Her other grandparents went and told her he was out of prison and was actually there right before she came. Now, what must she be feeling? My daddy could not come when I was here? My d is not doing this child a favor by being so dishonest w/ her. Either way, my gd was miserable that day with me so I cancelled Christmas Eve dinner at my house. My d was also a bitch with me so that was the icing on the cake. I pushed it aside and went to my daughters on Christmas day and never brought anything else up. My gd seems different somehow lately though. We use to be sooo close. She is getting fresh... I`am desperately scared she is turning into her mother. Perhaps its just the time of year for all of us...