Pamella, the lengths to which some people will go to deny a loved one's addiction can be stunning! In my opinion, these people are the most dangerous of all, because they tend not only to enable the addict, but vilify those who are trying to do the "right" things.

When Pinky started using drugs at 14, she was cutting school, staying out all night, hanging around junkies and assorted other losers, etc. We put her in a rehab; her mother took her out. Pinky finally ran away with a seriously major drug dealer (his uncle was the late and not-so-great Pablo Escobar) and we washed our hands of her. Her aunt "had a talk" with her, then pretty much told us that we were lousy parents, because Pinky was not an addict and all she needed was "dinner on the table at five" (something we'd always done). The aunt connived with her sister, Pinky's mother, to take Pinky in and raise her properly.

The aunt kicked Pinky out about three months later because Pinky was sneaking around with the drug dealer. I was stupid enough to drive Pinky about 40 miles each way to the school she'd been attending, just so she could finish 11th grade. The day before her final, Pinky ran off with the drug dealer for good.

Then various other family members stepped up, thinking they could fix Pinky, who, of course, didn't have a drug problem. Each one tried; each one failed. Then they continued to "help" Pinky through the years by giving her money, buying her cars, clothes, cell phones, etc. -- all of which were sold for drugs. They wouldn't listen to us when we begged them to let her fall to her bottom. They implied that WE were the unloving parents because we'd cut her off. (Hey, my husband learned after the fourth cell phone, second car and second apartment.)

And ultimately, Pinky never did bother to really get straight until she found herself hooking on the streets. I have no idea of she's still straight, but as long as she appears to be she can visit the kids. She gets NOTHING from us anymore, though. Not even birthday or Christmas presents. Just cards. She forced us to spend ALL OF OUR TIME raising her children, so we just have nothing left over for her.

And still we have friends and family members who try to "help" her. Makes us crazy, because they're actually helping to kill her.

Our situation was not drugs. Our daughter died of brain tumor and dysfunctional husband married a schizo and they both abused our grandson. We lost everything in legal battles and getting gs needed medical care. It was astonishing when people would say to my face, that we should have walked away, that it is none of our business. When our gs was 16, I wrote a book about our story, hoping it would help others to see that having faith in yourself as well as God, is important and stressed that we survived and are a happy family. I have had women at book signings say: "oh, I could never read your story, it's so sad!" Really? Or, "I don't know how you did it." I always tell them I did it because I had to do it to save my grandson. People do not understand and they want to run, not walk, away from any problems as if that will make them go away.

Our situation was not drugs. Our daughter died of brain tumor and dysfunctional husband married a schizo and they both abused our grandson. We lost everything in legal battles and getting gs needed medical care. It was astonishing when people would say to my face, that we should have walked away, that it is none of our business. When our gs was 16, I wrote a book about our story, hoping it would help others to see that having faith in yourself as well as God, is important and stressed that we survived and are a happy family. I have had women at book signings say: "oh, I could never read your story, it's so sad!" Really? Or, "I don't know how you did it." I always tell them I did it because I had to do it to save my grandson. People do not understand and they want to run, not walk, away from any problems as if that will make them go away.

Our situation was not drugs. Our daughter died of brain tumor and dysfunctional husband married a schizo and they both abused our grandson. We lost everything in legal battles and getting gs needed medical care. It was astonishing when people would say to my face, that we should have walked away, that it is none of our business. When our gs was 16, I wrote a book about our story, hoping it would help others to see that having faith in yourself as well as God, is important and stressed that we survived and are a happy family. I have had women at book signings say: "oh, I could never read your story, it's so sad!" Really? Or, "I don't know how you did it." I always tell them I did it because I had to do it to save my grandson. People do not understand and they want to run, not walk, away from any problems as if that will make them go away.

Our situation was not drugs. Our daughter died of brain tumor and dysfunctional husband married a schizo and they both abused our grandson. We lost everything in legal battles and getting gs needed medical care. It was astonishing when people would say to my face, that we should have walked away, that it is none of our business. When our gs was 16, I wrote a book about our story, hoping it would help others to see that having faith in yourself as well as God, is important and stressed that we survived and are a happy family. I have had women at book signings say: "oh, I could never read your story, it's so sad!" Really? Or, "I don't know how you did it." I always tell them I did it because I had to do it to save my grandson. People do not understand and they want to run, not walk, away from any problems as if that will make them go away.

Our situation was not drugs. Our daughter died of brain tumor and dysfunctional husband married a schizo and they both abused our grandson. We lost everything in legal battles and getting gs needed medical care. It was astonishing when people would say to my face, that we should have walked away, that it is none of our business. When our gs was 16, I wrote a book about our story, hoping it would help others to see that having faith in yourself as well as God, is important and stressed that we survived and are a happy family. I have had women at book signings say: "oh, I could never read your story, it's so sad!" Really? Or, "I don't know how you did it." I always tell them I did it because I had to do it to save my grandson. People do not understand and they want to run, not walk, away from any problems as if that will make them go away.

My Aunt= BG's bio GM enables both her daughters to the point that both lost their kids the youngest one lost her kids about 3 years ago and BG's bio lost custody of BG two years ago and when BG's brother turned 18 last October he left and and NEVER looked back he refuses to speak to ANY of them... my aunt will tell you her youngest daughter is a druggie and crazy blah, blah, blah... but she thinks BG's bio poop don't stink ... yet she is covered in sores, lives with the younger one/her sister 99.9% of the time hangs out all night and goes days without sleep, and then sleeps for days, failed a drug test and lost both her kids and in two years made zero effort to visit, pay child support or regain custody.

My step daughter lost her child because of her addiction to her abusive boyfriend aka GD's bio dad. We will call my Step daughter Tory. Tory had baby at 17 bio dad was 17 as well, in the hospital baby was crying and bio dad yelled in babys face telling her to shut the eff up. because they were both under 18 a social worker was implemented and when the truth came out tory was told to stay away from bio dad. tory moved in with me and her father with baby and had great plans to go back to school etc and stay away from bio dad. well that lasted a month and tory wanted to move to her bio moms, ( my bf is divorced) so because she was almost 18 social worker let her, torys mother was well aware of the rules and it came to light that she was allowing the bio dad over to their place, how we found out was bio dad beat up tory and was charged. bio dads parents still to this day are in denial that their son would do such things to tory or baby. baby was aprehended and put in our care. It has been almost four months and tory and bio dad are still in a relationship living with torys bio mom and they all dont understand why the baby was taken away. we are the only ones that are protecting this child from abuse and family in denial. but in their eyes we "stole" the child! the child was removed because it was in danger, not by us but by child protective services.... all visits are supervised with everyone in the family including grandparents (bio dad is not allowed near the child) and they still dont get it!!!

geemakay; I pray to God that your stepdaughter fails to meet her service plan goals and that her rights are permanently terminated. From everything you've said, this girl is probably going to live her life in abusive relationships and the chance of children surviving them is very low. Not to mention, IF the children survive & grow up, they will most likely use drugs to bury the pain of what they grew up watching, OR become abusers themselves. How sad.

Since you and grandpa arent' married, though, could that cause a problem with guardianship or adoption? How long have the 2 of you been together? I would just hate to see you get really attached to this baby and then if something happened to your relationship with the biological grandpa, you could end up losing her. Food for thought................... At the very least, I would look into becoming her licensed foster mother.

PS ~ I cannot IMAGINE someone getting in a newborn's face and yelling that at them. Someone should've beat the TAR out of that boy!!!!!!! I hope he never, ever, ever gets to be around that child again!!!!! No amount of classes can fix that kind of evil.