Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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tsmith317 08/06/2016

I am raising my 3 yr old granddaughter and have had her since she was 2 months old after rescuing her from my daughter and her crazy boyfriend who were homeless and on drugs. When I picked up my granddaughters (the oldest lives with her daddy now), my 2 month old baby was soaking wet in her own urine - not sure how long it had been since she was changed. Urine was dripping off the car seat she was in, but not buckled in, when i got her. I was just sick. My older granddaughter was in clothes that she had urinated in and was made to wear them as punishment. When I took them to the hotel (it was 2 am) I remember taking them in a back door because of the condition they were in. I was so distraught that I didn't even think to file a police report. All I could think of was that I was glad I had them, and getting them back home to Texas. (They were in CA)

It has been a hard road to travel. Tonight I just broke down and cried after working 4 hours to get her to sleep. I'm just so tired. This isn't how it is supposed to be and not how I planned my life. I am so angry with my daughter for being such a mess (she has since had two more kids and is now pregnant again). I do not speak to her or have anything to do with her anymore - I just cannot take the drama of her life anymore. I need my energy to chase this little one who calls me mom most days. (She knows I'm grandma though and calls me that too) How do you keep up your energy? How do I get through this without letting the resentment I feel grow? I don't want to be bitter....I don't want to let that show with my granddaughter.....and it scares me because kids are so intuitive. I love my sweet baby so much but I just have days when I want to grab my keys and suitcase and leave it ALL behind. I would never do that but it's the feeling i have. I'm hoping this support group will help me with all of this. I had my kids young so that I could enjoy my life down the road. Then I had a son after my older kids were teens. I was a little down about that (not now though!) and then BOOM.....i'm starting all over AGAIN.

I will be happy to hear stories, encouragement, advice, etc.....anything that could be helpful. I have NO HELP with her. My mom is too elderly to help and my kids are having babies/lives of their own.

babaknits 08/08/2016

I think all of us feel exactly what you have described. I became "mom" again at the age of 60 to a 1 year old. I certainly do not have the energy I did raising my own. I have decided that some things are worth it, such as a good preschool / day care. I'm not good at asking for help and don't get adult time all that often. I'm learning to reach out more in that area. I took another of my grandchildren for the weekend and her parents are taking mine in a couple of weeks as pay back. I'm looking forward to the break.

sammyo1 08/12/2016

I agree with baba. I'm the same awful at asking for help.
It's hard to start over. We love our grandchildren but of course mourn the loss of a life we are missing out on. So many plans......starting over at a much older age is not easy. My GS owns my heart doesn't mean I don't miss my freedom. Just got my youngest off to college. My life revolved around my kids so you better believe I was looking forward to some me time.
It's normal I think to have those moments. Lord I sit & wonder where I went wrong.
I resent my daughter at times.
Yet I could not live with myself as we are his world.
My heart & prayers are with you.
Just wanted to add ran into a old friend who has 4 of her grandchildren & another who has 3. I just don't get it.
Sammy

peaches 08/14/2016

I too am struggling with the same issues. Drama from daughter, and Stress from Work, Home life, Financial strains, old age and aches and pains, and a beautiful energetic 14 month old. Starting over, grieving over loss of freedom, never ask for assistance from anyone. Am very angry at father and how he left 2 weeks prior to birth for another women and now has another child 3 months old. Angry how financially they have ruined us forever, stolen from us, given us wrinkles and gray hair way before we expected. Love our grandson and pray nightly that God will help us cope and give him all the love he deserves. Very hard

missinggbabies 08/14/2016

I have three grandkids I have had with me most of their lives mom steps up for awhile then they are back and it has been a ten year emotional yoyo> remember its hard but they are better off in our care when moms or dads can't or won't. may this blessing give you the energy you need , My house is empty right now and its sad when they go, Id rather be tired and stressed and trip on toys than have them gone and worry

Jarrett 08/25/2016

I am in the same situation. I had an empty house until we received a phone call from CPS that my three week old granddaughter was in the room where my daughter and her boyfriend were doing drugs. We have had her ever since and she is now almost four. Then about three months ago, we received another call that my daughter's other child (18 months) was taken to the hospital due to drugs being in her system. We now have custody of the second granddaughter. I feel so stressed everyday and it's taken a toll on me and my husband. My daughter has stolen from us many times and we have practically nothing left with having to pay for daycare for two children. We are trying out best to raise these children in a loving environment. I do like the words that missinggbabies used about how I'd rather be tired and stressed and trip on toys than have them gone and worry. I will keep those words in mind every time I feel hopeless.

tsmith317 08/25/2016

So encouraging. Thank you for responding. Just knowing I'm not alone makes me feel like I can make it! Today she threw a big fit...I am so over the three year old fits!! It's only temporary....she will get older....that's what I keep telling myself. :-)

catskyn 01/29/2017

I am in the same situation. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I too cry and want to pack my bags at times. I had a 3rd Level Fusion on my neck last year and need surgery on my lower back, I have tons of Nerve Damage . I take Pain Meds but they don't always do the trick. I run out of energy constantly. My Grandson is 6 years old. He throws fits and I have to carry him, drag him up the stairs to put him in his room. You have to be persistent when teaching them as you know. I cry because he zaps all my energy. He has come a long way in a year because of my love and having a solid good environment in which to live. I too am alone. I live in one state and all my children in another. I raise my grandson and my 10 year old son all alone. I really couldn't imagine having a man in my life right now, no way. I get lonely though and it gets unbearable at times. am a Christian though and turn to God when thing's get rough. I just joined a Woman's Bible Study on Weds nights and they have child care for free the 2 hours I am there.This will be good for me and them. It will be a time to talk with other women and some free time for myself and of course the spiritual side. I know how you feel

nutsandbolts 01/30/2017

My story is much the same. We took my gd at the age of 5. I to had my children young so I could enjoy our days with freedom. Just as our gd was getting old enough for us to see the light of hope, my daughter gave birth to our gs with meth in his system. I now have had him since birth and his sister who was 5 at the time. We adopted them 5 years ago. Our oldest us is graduating high school this year. I sit here thinking I should be able to celebrate, but I'm not. I sit here sometimes thinking how much longer I have before it's my turn. My gs just turned 7 last week. So now I flip and think how fast those years have gone by. How much I have gained in watching all three gc grow. We have no one to help us out, so there really isn't alone time for husband and I. Oldest gd is going to school and working so she can go to college this coming fall. So sleep when you can. Allow the house to look lived in, cook descent meals on weekends and laugh till you cry. Its the little things that count.

marietta 02/26/2017

I am so thankful to have this site, I lost my husband 2 years ago and now raising two beautiful granddaughters by myself. My daughter took off with them and DSS took them and put them in a group home, that was the worst 5 1/2 weeks of my life. I had to pay a lawyer 6000.00 to get them out and in my care. My daughter is not allowed to see the girls because she is mentally ill and on drugs. I worry about my granddaughters because I want the best for them. I am having a hard time paying for daycare, I work full time but I don't make enough to be able to have any left over. I don't have any family to help me with them and I don't have the energy to keep toys picked up. I would not ever give my time up I spend with my granddaughters, I do a lot of praying to get me through the depression I feel.

suz181 03/06/2017

My gd is 5 and has been with me close to two years. I think we all want the best for our gc. We realize that is our love, structure, care and support. But we lost something too. Our freedom! I Just found this site today as I sit here reading all the posts realizing we all love our children but can't fix grown adults. My daughter had drug abuse & mental health issues. I know she can't take care of my gd properly. It's usually hard for me to reach out for help. I am a strong person but am so worn down, I'm beginning to get depressed. I still have a teenage son at home and work full time an hour from home. My son is going into military after graduation in June. My two children are 14 year apart and now I'm starting over. It does help to see others have same hopes, fears and thoughts! God bless all GP's, who as hard as it is wouldn't have it any other way.

Lyrea 03/06/2017

I think it is just normal to feel grief and resentment and likely guilt as well. Finding a support group you can vent to about it seems the best way to cope. Frankly at 58 the last thing I want is to raise a 2 year old and 1 year old. At 67 its sure the last thing my husband wanted. Then I see my grandson with his hair all spiked up from sleep and I think there is no more sacred thing I can do. But hell yes I have resentment not towards him or his brother but toward my son and his baby momma who had them and cant or wont care for them. Everything comes before their children. I don't get it.

cottontail 03/08/2017

Hi there, I feel resentment at times towards my son and his partner for not caring for their children and putting me in this position. sometimes when I am exhausted i I do wonder what I have done but the alternative of them living with strangers or worse with their parents would be worse. at least I know that they are tucked up in bed safe and i have some control over what happens to them. I do kind of mourn for the life that I had wanted, the holidays and even just going for coffee with a friend. but there are also good fun days where I laugh my head off with my grandchildren. these make up for the days when I cry.

tsmith317 03/08/2017

First of all, God is so good. After all this time, I have recent comments that caused me to revisit this post I made last August. So, the encouragement I can give today is things have gotten so much better. My almost 4 yr old gd goes to bed on time every night. She sleeps almost through the night except for getting up once to potty. I have prayed so many prayers...mainly for my attitude but for her as well. I decided we needed to go to church faithfully and that being too tired was no excuse. My gd loves it and so do I. I am in a much better place. I still have those days that are hard but God has really changed my heart about it all. She will be four in a few months and I feel the hardest part is past us. We are through the fit throwing stage, finally. So, wherever you are in this journey, its temporary. They won't be two forever....or three...so hang in there!! Get in God's word, pray, and let Him heal any resentment. Feel free to message me....we are in this together!! You are not alone!

suz181 03/09/2017

I just read your most recent post. I was going to comment how are things now? I took my granddaughter just before she turned four, and should be six this year. Unfortunately she didn't have a lot of rules or structure at home. We still struggle with her behavior. I keep telling myself she won't be little forever. It is good to know that we are in this together and we do it out of love for our children and our grandchildren. Prayers to all the families

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