I am raising my 3 yr old granddaughter and have had her since she was 2 months old after rescuing her from my daughter and her crazy boyfriend who were homeless and on drugs. When I picked up my granddaughters (the oldest lives with her daddy now), my 2 month old baby was soaking wet in her own urine - not sure how long it had been since she was changed. Urine was dripping off the car seat she was in, but not buckled in, when i got her. I was just sick. My older granddaughter was in clothes that she had urinated in and was made to wear them as punishment. When I took them to the hotel (it was 2 am) I remember taking them in a back door because of the condition they were in. I was so distraught that I didn't even think to file a police report. All I could think of was that I was glad I had them, and getting them back home to Texas. (They were in CA)
It has been a hard road to travel. Tonight I just broke down and cried after working 4 hours to get her to sleep. I'm just so tired. This isn't how it is supposed to be and not how I planned my life. I am so angry with my daughter for being such a mess (she has since had two more kids and is now pregnant again). I do not speak to her or have anything to do with her anymore - I just cannot take the drama of her life anymore. I need my energy to chase this little one who calls me mom most days. (She knows I'm grandma though and calls me that too) How do you keep up your energy? How do I get through this without letting the resentment I feel grow? I don't want to be bitter....I don't want to let that show with my granddaughter.....and it scares me because kids are so intuitive. I love my sweet baby so much but I just have days when I want to grab my keys and suitcase and leave it ALL behind. I would never do that but it's the feeling i have. I'm hoping this support group will help me with all of this. I had my kids young so that I could enjoy my life down the road. Then I had a son after my older kids were teens. I was a little down about that (not now though!) and then BOOM.....i'm starting all over AGAIN.
I will be happy to hear stories, encouragement, advice, etc.....anything that could be helpful. I have NO HELP with her. My mom is too elderly to help and my kids are having babies/lives of their own.
Darkness falls even as the sun rises I don't feel numb I don't hurt I feel nothing at all and that's the scariest thing of all The darkness has crept to far in the darkness us taking me to the depths of despair I don't want to see Maybe later I will feel more like me or maybe I'll feel less than I do now
Hi All,Need some thoughts and prayers today. Going to have to face an unpleasant situation. Thanks.