I have to think back 20 years to remember what my life was like before the addiction drama my youngest son brought into our lives. Seems like a lifetime ago. And as you said it just continues to get worse and worse. Most times I can handle it ok but definitely have some down times especially lately. I certainly never envisioned raising 4 more children at my age but like you I am so glad we have them and I know they are safe and loved. My youngest gs is 9 yrs old today and I know he had a much nicer birthday than he would have ever had with his parents. His mother lives out of state but did not even bother to call him today. It makes me mad (and a little sad) that his parents are such idiots but I thank God everyday that we were able to get custody of them, even with all the challenges that has brought with it.

I just want to know how you go through it all and keep yourselves healthy emotionally? I guess I want to know how do you keep from loosing it?

Little by little i have let memories go by as we have created our own liitle family with our gs and made new memories. I dont foget what it was like, i just place them back where memories are safe. I always think of that girl scout song, "make new friends and keep the old. Some are silver and the others are gold. I vowed a long tme ago i w/not be the victim. We love our gs dearly and have no regrets

JanandRob, I know exactly what you're talking about!

Until my husband and I got married, my life was boring in a very good way. I hung out with friends, traveled, worked and spent lots of time with family. The biggest drama in my life was a 3am phone call that someone close to us had passed away.

Then Pinky started drugging at 14. Since then we've been introduced to the world of truant officers, police, courts, rehabs, social workers, and all kinds of underworld activities that I'd only read about.

My friends have no idea what "this life" is like. Sometimes I feel soiled by it. Then I try to remember that I have a perspective on the world that most people do not.

When they talk on-so-loftily about how we should pass out clean needles and 25-cent crack pipes (yes, they're doing that in Canada), I am horrified. When I see a baby given back to his or her druggie "mother" I am horrified. We all have an understanding of these issues that most of the world does not, and cannot.

But what frosts me is when I share my perspective, I can tell that many people think I'm cold-hearted and lacking in compassion. These people still live in their safe, secure bubble, where it's easy for them to pontificate on what should be done. "Legalize drugs!" they say, as if that will solve the problem. If legalization were the solution, then why don't all of us go out and buy pipes, needles and pills and give them to the bios? It's the same thing.

Sometimes I still long for my old life, but then I think "I could be one of those smug people, who are about to unleash all sorts of drama and hell on our entire society." That's when I'm glad that I know what's really going on.

YIKES!

To SaraB (and all): SaraB I have been reading your Pinky posts and find so much of our lives there. My husband came into my life 11 years ago, with no kids. Now we are both in this drama for the duration. We really had it all set, retired, travel, and just enough $ to live out our time reasonably worry free. Our Bella is a joy. I always want to add that. Not much to say about the parents. Would be much better if they did not show up at all. Mostly it's my son. He's here on my couch asleep right now with Bella. Ugh. He showed me a 'clean' drug screen from 2 weeks ago. It was a saliva test, which shows heroin use only in hours or days. And, I now for sure they were both high a week ago here. It's easy enough to tell. Do they really think we are so stupid? Guess so.

To clarify: Mostly it's my son that shows up. Mother does not come much, sometimes 3 weeks go by. She has never called about Bella since we got her in Sept. Never asks about treatment, nothing...I really relate to the Layaway Kids post at grandsplace.org.

We're still waiting to see how long it will be 'til Pinky calls. She texted us last Friday, saying she was looking for a job at the mall. HAHAHAHAHA!

NOTHING since.

Our eldest asked if she could be dead, and we reassured her that we would know.

I'm sure Pinky's busy doing something. And as long as she isn't bothering us, I'm happy.

Oh how I can relate to somehow feeling soiled by all that my bio has brought into my life. It certainly added to my "education". And it has now been so long since we've heard from DD, GD now refers to her as "my used to be Mommy"

JanAndRob, I would urge you to follow some of my story and caution you to be very careful about your son being there sleeping on the couch with your Bella. I hope you check under & between the cushions when he gets up. Heroin addicts drop empty capsules with residue left in them and they "hide" needles after they shoot up where kids can end up finding them. They are careless because once they shoot that crap into their veins, they are in a different world. If you know he's using, as hard as I KNOW IT IS, you should do his visits somewhere else, like at a park or a library instead of in your home. The authorities will blame you if his carelessness leads to anything going wrong in your house. My stupid daughter let a friend come into my house while I was at work and he overdosed. It was only by the grace of God I got guardianship of my GS and didn't lose my other son, too. My boys weren't there either when it happened, which was also by the grace of God.

And I think I might have one of the most drama filled lives on this board...................and it's horrible, & I hate it, but things are better now that I have both of my addict adult kids out of my home. I miss them terribly - the people they were before heroin and the people they are when they aren't using. I grieve and mourn every day and pray I don't get "that call".

GMaWilli: Thank you for pointing this out to me. I do think of one of them ODing in my bathroom, and now this is another consideration. We must make other plans for visits, outside of our home.

Layaway kids has been going around for a long time but it really says it all.