I use to but then I came to the decision that they know where their son is and if they want to they can call me at anytime to set up visit's. They don't do I have come to the conclusion that they have more "important" things going on in their lives that him!!!

I use to have an open door policy but they would call and come over for like 5 - 10 mins. It was last summer and I came to see that they were coming over to get into the swimming pool with the baby when he was done. They would give me the baby and continue to swim. So I stopped all that. If they want to see the baby they need to call a few days in advance and let me know when and if it's good for us then we set it up. I don't call if they don't show up I wait for the to call again and then ask them what happened.....

good luck

Yes, but only if it is in the best interest of the children. In your case,it is not only detrimental to your health ,well being,and ability to care for your GC but it will most likely get worse for the baby as she(he) gets older--- big disappointments and frustrations.

This is just my own personal opinion.

In my case, I feel that my son and grandson have a special bond and I want to keep that open. It does cause some inconveniences and frustration on my part but I'm willing to do this for a greater cause.

Our situation is that they can't come to visit their son. They need to set this up with SW and they don't because they aren't doing their program plan and don't want to be confronted.

However; I do encourage my son to do his program plan so he can raise his son. My son isn't ready to give up the alcohol as of yet but he tells me he isn't drinking (lying).

Right now they are together however; they fighting and driving each other crazy with blame. I received a text from bio mom stating my son was taken to ETS because they were fighting so much the group home mgr called the police. He was released the next day and he said they took him only because he was the guy and it was unfair because she was hitting him. I told my son that he will never get the baby even if he does his program if he stays with bio mom because she is so unstable I was told. Well...he is still with her that tells me everything...

Sorry so long...I am just going through this with the Bio's and I am sad that my son want the bio mom more than his son!!
judi

So, I won't a;;

Hi Horsepad,

You asked if we ever get tired of it (being the only ones to make the effort). For me, yes I do get very tired of it. You also asked "when do you stop trying?" For me I stopped trying when it became apparent that the bios showed beyond a doubt that they would rather not be bothered with "their" children. My dd and I have a distant, VERY distant relationship.

We have had both our gc's pretty much since birth. My gd is 4 1/2 and my gs is 3 1/2. Up until about a year ago, I too would call my dd and ask her to come visit or even go out of my way and make the phone calls so she could talk to her children. What changed for me in this situation? I guess for me it is the fact that I was the only one pushing for a relationship between my dd and her children. She shows no interest in any type of relationship with them. It also got to a point where I saw changes for the worse in the babies. Their behaviors and attitudes drastically changed with each visit and each phone call. They were frustrated and didn't know how to show that frustration, other than acting out. Because of that situation, I "gave up" on trying to force a relationship between them. It's now in her ball court, so to speak.

We have heard every excuse in the book as to why she couldn't come see the babies, from no gas money to having to work to being busy etc etc.... We even told her we would pick her up to come visit them. Still didn't work. She chooses not to have anything to do with them, so I stopped trying. I honestly feel that it's not my responsibility to go out of my way to keep the relationship alive between my dd and the children she gave birth to. I wouldn't mind any of it if she was at least making some attempt, but nothing.

I had a talk with her yesterday and asked her why she doesn't visit or at least call the babies. These are her excuses:

1. Been busy working
2. No gas money to come out there
3. No drivers license
4. Can't drive myself

I told her that it takes 5 mins out of her "busy" 24 hr period of time in a day to pick up the phone to call the babies. She went silent. I told her that her hubby and her are both working so why can't she afford gas. I told her that no license hasn't stopped her before from driving herself out here to see her babies. Does this make sense to anyone else? I took away all her excuses for not contacting her and she still doesn't contact them.

There have been several ocassions over the past year where I have had to leave the babies with hubby and travel to another state to visit my dying mom and then her funeral. Every time I had to leave them, I called the babies a minimum of 2 times a day, but mostly 3 times each and every day I was gone. It doesn't take that long to call them and make their worlds happier.

I hope my rambling hasn't bored you, but I wanted to let you know that I do know the situation you are in with your son. The choice has to be yours as to whether you are going to continue doing all the "work" to keep the contact there between your gc and the bios

Best of luck an God Bless.

We got to the point where Jeanie did. Pinky was so erratic with her calls and visits that we completely stopped all contact with her. If she called and wasn't high, we let her speak to the kids. But after six months of no visits and almost no calls we refused to let her see them in person.

Last June she said she was straight again. So we told her she had to call the kids every single day for 30 days before we would even THINK about letting her come to see them. She did, and she has been pretty much being Super Mom every weekend since. We have no idea if this is good or not, but we're taking it one day at a time.

I see nothing wrong with cutting off all contact if they refuse to even make the slightest effort to clean up. Pinky has been doing drugs since she was 14 and has been in at least five rehabs that we know of. I don't know what finally got her straight (this is the longest she's ever gone), and maybe it won't last. But we certainly had nothing to do with it.

We actually drove gs back and forth three times a week for a year (1 1/2 hours round trip). After I received full guardianship, my ex drove him up about once a month. This became hard to do as it got to the point where they were arranging everything without even consulting me. Finally, I said "enough!" and said that it was now their responsibility to contact me for visitations. Since that point visitations have been extremely minimal. But usually when they request one, they get it within a reasonable period of time. Right now everyone is on day only visitation for various reasons, but mostly because of "live-in" problems and not wanting to be open with me about who gs is going to be with and where he is going to be. If I can't trust them then they don't get him. My first responsibility is to protect him. Unfortunately the people I have to protect him from are not strangers, but his own parents. Ugh!

I do encourage (sort of) visits with both bios. They've both tried, as much as they are capable, of stying in contact with the kiddo the last 5 1/2 years so I've gotta' give 'em a bit of credit for that. I allow bio-dad about a 2 hour "play-date" every 2 weeks at our house. (He's always late. Kid knows he's unreliable). I say play-date b/c bio is basically a play-mate; they play basket-ball in the back when the sun is still out at 6 or 7, in the winter I've been known to take them to a bowling alley or a fast-food joint. (Where they totally annoy other patrons by getting into spit-ball fights.) However, I will not give rides to bio-dad to the kiddo's sports games; he has to figure that transportation out for himself. I also don't allow bio to visit IN the house for video or such. Nope. Get out; get active. (And I really can't stand him!) Bio-mom, my dd, is a bit different. She was in jail, then in residiential rehab 2 hours from here, so she didn't get to see bio for 4 months (I refuse to take him to a jail) and after that then only about once every 6 weeks while in rehab. She is back in the area, now though, and I am allowing contact about every 2 weeks ( do drive her and her baby to basket-balls games) as well, granted for longer times than bio-dad. Favoritism... huh. Anyway, it really isn't for them... it's for the gc. I believe he has the right to know them if they are willing to know him, even in a surface-type way. Baseball is coming up... they can come to his games. As far as either of them taking him anywhere or doing any kind of overnights... nope. Not yet, if ever. (I have custody and full guardianship.) Have asked gc if he'd like to be adopted (he's 11); he says no, cuz' then his mother would be his sister and that would be wierd. And then he says, "And daddy would be... well, nothing." I, of course, want to add dryly, "Well, he's already a big nothing loser anyway." But I severely bite my tongue. ;-)

I remember at one point friends told us that we should let Pinky see the kids or she would take us to court. I told them that I'd be thrilled if she did that. Taking us to court would mean she actually cared about seeing the kids.

But she never did...

I haven't read the other replies so if this repeats somebody else, sorry.
I tried at first, but every time our dd came back (she left the state with the bf that almost killed her then oldest child and was protecting him) she would tell me she was going back to him. Also once the older one was potty trained she made plans to take her back with her. Not that she had permission to do this but those were her plans. She didn't want to put up with the mess of potty training BTW, so the one being younger and in diapers wasn't an interest to her.
What I finally realized was that I didn't want to give up being gma but that wasn't fair to the girls. Plus after a year our choice was to adopt or let somebody else adopt them. By then my babies weren't going anywhere.

Good luck, hugs and prayers ^j^

We facilitate visits with the parents because for our grandkids, it is good for them to have a relationship with their parents. But arranging, arguing and attending to visitations is definitely the most stressful part of our life. The parents always want more. They will miss a visit and then call the same day and demand to see their kids and accuse us of "keeping their kids away from them."
We do visits at public places because we want to keep our home a "safe place" without the conflict that these parents bring. We also do not transport the kids any further than across town. We did at first do all the driving (1/2 hour to my son and 1 hour to dil) but no more. We figure they should at least be responsible for that.
I also let both parents know about special events the kids are involved in. They've only attended one out of about 15 in the past year. But I document all this in case we are ever back in court.
Seems that's the mantra of our life, "in case we are ever back in court."