I feel your pain. My dd a acted that way a lot . I was at a loss to dal with it, now since she's adult I just hang up or remove myself. That's why she can't live here. My 2 other kids didn't do that . Now raising gd Who occasionally how's fits, she's 4 , I just walk away. I worry she may be like her mom as a teen. Wish I had advice but with my dd was not influenced by anything to give me respect until now.
Seems like with the others I just looked at them and asked if they'd lost their minds and that was enough. Phones are a priveledge, I was known for revoking phones and computers when they were abused. Stick to your guns on rules and don't let her intimidate you .
My spouse wasn't much help in that department either. It can really strain a relationship. May e your spous is like mi e in that he says he basically was just as frustrated as I a d didn't know what to do about it.

Can't blame you for feeling you have no support. However, it sounds like there is frustration and anger with all of you. Is there anywhere you can go for familt therapy? Therapy got us through somedifficult teen year. Perhaps you could start with all of you sitting down together at the kitchen table to share your feelings. You have to set rules like everybody has to be nice. Each person gets to state their feelings without criticism. Discuss rules and consequences. Its hard raising a teenager again.

I went through similar with my daughter, I can't even think of raising another teenager, my gs is 5 so I have a little time. Its really not fair that we have to raise teenagers again at our age. I hope that things get better for you, and your husband steps up and supports you in raising another teenager. I agree with Daisy that family therapy might be a good idea. Best of luck.

My first book was Has Anyone Seen My Daisy? which told the story of our experience. It was written when my gs was 16 because, as I stated in the book, we had taught him the basics and it was now up to him with our support untl he reached adulthood. When I do book signings, my speech is titled: "How I learned to live a with rockstar, or, they forgot to remind us the little darlings turn into teenagers." I can tell you that raising a teenager as a grandparent is different but does not have to be disaster. That being said, you have to look at what is happening with teenagers today, not what happened with our bio children. Then you have to keep the door of communication open while setting realistic rules and expectations. Long hair, tattoos, body piercings and casual use of drugs are out there and it is hard for the kids to resist. It is also hard for our generation to accept that as a reality. Our gs is now 23 We had to accept the effects of abuse early in his life. I can honestly say we have a strong bond and he respects us. He's been through some rough times but we maintained our support. When he recognized he had a problem with alcohol, he came to me and said: "I have a problem and I need to get help". He found an outpatient rehab and admitted himself. We attended family sessions and supported him. Afterwards, he came to us and said: "You had every right to throw me out on the street but you didn't". We said we would always love him, even when we weren't happy with some of his choices and as long as he followed rules at home he was welcome to stay He now helps others to deal with their parents. Raising our grandchildren is different and raising teenagers is harder. However, instead of looking at the failures, look at the successes, even if they are few. Realize you can only do so much and the choice will be theirs. What I am trying to say here is that you can raise a teenager and survive it but you must accept your limitations and accept them for who they are.

Daisy.... I think your above response is fantastic... thought provoking, supportive and realistic. I too dread the teen years ( gd is only 7 ) but at this point try to stay in the here and now - one day at a time. I hope your wise words stay in my head for future reference.

If you go to my website: peggyjoconnor.com, you can order my book(s). I offer the lowest price there. My reason for writing these books was not to make money but to help other grandparents facing what we did. There is a lot of thoughtful poetry in Daisy that always reminds me and keeps me in perspective. If you get it, read the poem: "Kids Adjust". I'm glad I could share with you.

I am dealing with 2 teenagers now and in a few years will have 2 more coming (by then I will probably be senile and won't care!). I think it is so much harder now with cell phones and the internet. It is almost impossible to keep these things away from them when they don't use them correctly as their friends love to share. It also makes it so much easier for them to contact their parents without my knowledge. I sometimes fear that the 2 oldest gc have just seen and experienced so much before I got them that I won't have much influence on them. All I can do is my best and hope they turn out ok.

Amen, mynanny and thanks Daisy

If ZI'm paying the bills I demand respect I do not have to earn it. If you let her get by once then it will be again and again i know I have a 37 yr old to prove it.