Your comments sound so familiar. I have and still go through times of self pity. I would love to be appreciated for all we have done. I wish the kids were more appreciative also. The kids act like we are horrible sometimes and it hurts so much. We ended up lucky with the last social worker we had. She was unbelievable. Before that the ones we had acted like we were idiots and needed guidance all the way. I felt like we had done something wrong , that everything was our fault... my husband and I made sure the kids made it to their visits with their mother (daughter in-law to us). We did all the runs to the doctors and therapy. We were also the go betweens with the social workers and parents because parents would fail to stay in contact with them . It is a long road until DHHS or whatever is out of it. I want to take the time to thank you for all you have done, because I know the position your in all too well. Best wishes !

One of the most aggravating things I hear from friends and relatives is: "You're saints! You'll get your reward someday." We want it NOW! LOLOL

Only half kidding. I know what you're both going through. Raising someone else's kids is a thankless job. We aren't the parents (even when we adopt), and the bios consider us free babysitters until they get their acts together (which they rarely, if ever, do). And the social workers think we're employees working for them, taking care of "their" children.

I agree with Snowshoe that things will get better once the social workers are on to other troublemaking. :-)

Including my husband and me, I'll give us all a pat on the back, because nobody understands just how much we've given up for the sake of children who need us.

I'm reading a mystery book right now (so it is fiction) in which the central character was raised by her aunt after her druggie mother overdosed and her father was in prison. Several times the character says that her aunt saved her life by giving her a stable, loving home. I can only assume the author either went through something similar or is close to someone who did.

Bottom line is that we are appreciated, even if nobody tells us that now. :-) And God knows what we're doing - the most important thing of all.

So sorry! I really understand also. It is horrible what we are put through when we are the only ones protecting our grandchildren at times!

One especially horrible experience I had, there were many, was when CPS decided that my daughter was able to parent our 7 1/2 yo GD even though daughter mentally ill and alcoholic. We immediately filed for custody in Family Court.

Our attorney requested my daughter have random drug testing to protect our GD. The Judge ordered it, along with random drug testing of me also, saying "It was only fair." I have never done drugs and I rarely drink wine. I was a teacher and respected at work and in the community. But I would get random phone calls, usually on the way to work, and would have to go to a very dangerous part of the city and sit with the drug addicts and gangster looking people. Then ordered to give urine samples in front of armed guards watching me through a two way mirror.

It was one of the most unfair, degrading things in my life and I still have nightmares about it. My attorney tried to stop it but it was the only way they would test my daughter and I HAD to do it to protect my GD. I used to shake and cry on the way there and on the way back and missed hours of work.

After we lost custody, the case worker had the nerve to call me and order me in for another test. I told her to go to hell then started sobbing.

Snow, I also understand about how our grands' behavior towards us hurts! Now that our GD is 17 and back with us, she treats me like everything wrong in her life is my fault and blames me for everything, talks terribly to me at times, never says thank you for anything and is so totally ungrateful for everything I do.

So yes, I am filled with self pity at times also. It is a very hard road we climb to protect our grandchildren.

Thanks for that reminder Sara. I, too, have hope that we are making a huge difference in our GD's life and that some day, she will know. (((HUGS)))

My story is similar to yours. We got temporary custody of our GD when she was 1. Parents - my son and DIL never did qualify for reunification due to continued drug use. I received permanent custody after a year. No we aren't saints, however, those of us raising our grandchildren KNOW what we ALL have sacrificed to help our grandchild(ren). Thank goodness I have never had to go through the drug testing like Hope4Delaney - that sounds so degrading. All of us need a break now and then from the stress - here's a prayer that you all get that needed break. Thanks from one GP raising GC to the rest of you.

Everybody has the right to have a pity party! Those people who made those comments will one day come back and apologize for not understanding and if they d they're not really a friend. You are doing the right thing for your grandchildren and we all understand.

I have a pity party for myself every once in a while. I believe our grandchildren will be appreciative when they are older for the sacrifices we made for them. You are right about social services. As a GAL, I recommend to grandparents whose children are not getting their act together, to file for permanent custody. If the parents ever get their act together, YOU can decide if they get their kids back. Once you have legal custody, not temporary custody, family services is out of the picture
Hope4delaney-what the judge did to you was wrong. He is an idiot. To make an innocent person, trying to help their grandchild submit to a drug test without just cause is wrong.

Thanks for understanding Horsepad and thanks for being a GAL. The first one my GD had was awful, never once saw her until they decided to terminate parental rights. Then she decided that my mentally ill, alcoholic daughter should get another chance.

After my GD was helped to escape abusive mother last summer at the age of 16, I filed for custody right away. The Judge ordered a GAL from Family Court instead of juvenile court where the awful GAL was. He was the most wonderfully, caring, kind man. He actually got tears in his eyes when my GD told him some of what she'd been through. He saw right through my daughter's lies and recommended full custody to me with no visitation as my GD requested. The Judge agreed.

Dear Runner 55: I know exactly how you feel however the caseworker we have now is pretty good but the last one was awful.

Being a parent is a difficult job and even more difficult when we are in our sixties. We are no longer in our 20's and 30's and don't have that abundance of energy. I find the energy level on a daily basis is finite and if I'm not careful pacing myself I can burn out early in the day.

There are days I feel very resentful not so much at the children's mother but at my other two daughters who talked me into calling CPS and then wanted no part in taking the kids in. In the beginning they talked big and said they would take the kids but when they realize how difficult it is and how much stress it would place on their marriage they were no longer there. That made me extremely resentful and angry so now I'm left holding the bag at my age -- 65 and single and I have no family living nearby.

I'm angry because suddenly I'm isolated from my peers and a social life. I'm upset that I became sick in December and still have not fully recovered. Yes, I'm very angry and resentful and I completely understand where you are coming from. It's not a good feeling. I've never been an angry person but now I am. And when people tell me I'm a saint I'm ready to tell them to shut up because I don't feel like a saint.

I don't think many people realize what we're dealing with. People who have younger kids are, as you say, younger. They don't understand that energy and the desire to run around 24/7/365 gets a little less with each passing year.

My idea of heaven is to sit back and read a book. But the kids want to go here, go there, do this, do that, buy this, buy that, and they can't comprehend our exhaustion.

When they visit a friend the parents end up taking them to dinner and a movie - sometimes even the nail salon. They're still earning salaries and they're young and love running all over creation. So we feel guilty because we don't have the money of energy to take their kids out every time they visit.