Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Ddmom moving back to my town while bf/fianc of almost 2 years deploys for a year. Rented a place w 3brs, hes supposedly giving her his bank stuff, they have baby. 6 yo gd appears ready to move in with her, 8 year old gs Ive had since he was 1 is unknown variable. Will she be able to handle it? She has a 6 month old she is bonding great and seems to be doing well with. I say she cant afford 3 kids, but who can?
Will she put kids first and not use loneliness as excuse to drag up the garbage she used to hang with? Shes not an addict, but I think shes undiagnosed borderline. I could list the bad, but I could list my bad too. My family thinks Im crazy for considering the kids going back. I pray for the wisdom and strength to get through this next rollercoaster. Shes never had a bf to support her before, so could make a difference. I just dont want the kids hurt by failed reunification, or her choices. I have full legal custody so not like I can just hand them over next week.confused and scared
Will she put kids first and not use loneliness as excuse to drag up the garbage she used to hang with? Shes not an addict, but I think shes undiagnosed borderline. I could list the bad, but I could list my bad too. My family thinks Im crazy for considering the kids going back. I pray for the wisdom and strength to get through this next rollercoaster. Shes never had a bf to support her before, so could make a difference. I just dont want the kids hurt by failed reunification, or her choices. I have full legal custody so not like I can just hand them over next week.confused and scared
grammy22
Personally, I would not rush it. She is going to be alone with him deployed and that is going to be a big adjustment as it is. Being alone with a baby 24/7 is hard enough. Add to the mix another child or two who have to adjust to the change of leaving your house and moving into hers. Not good. Let her settle in with the baby and see how she does. If things seem ok let the kids visit with overnights on the weekend. Time will let you know if she can handle it or not.
SaraBT
I agree with Grammy. Give her a few months to see how she handles it. Maybe after a month of day visits they can stay overnight to see how it goes...
Hope4Delaney
Agree with Grammy and Sara. Take it very slowly with visits then progress slowly to overnights if visits are going well for children and mom.
NannaKMS
I have had my gs since he was a year old he's 6 he's so close to me. I think after all that time its to late for the bios. If you live close l would try over nights maybe she could do every other weekend.
dianaconroy
I agree. Handing kids over at this point could be life altering and not in a good way. I personally wouldn't consider it at all. I would allow her in Thier lives, daily visits and maybe overnights. Maybe....maybe???? Eventually I would allow her to help with school drop off and pick up etc. but I would never hand them over at this point. What message would this convey to the kids? If you have too do it, I would strongly suggest therapy for the kids. To many studies show that moving kids back and forth is very damaging.
nutsandbolts
I agree with everyone to take little steps and see how it goes. even if she can't handle all three, she may still be able to have open visits with you being the primary caretaker.
GiGi923
I agree with proceeding with caution. I think it's great that your dd is doing well enough that reunification can even be considered. For most of us, it's out of the question. My step-daughter wanted her daughter back and instead of telling her no, I told her to file for custody. I knew she wouldn't see it through and she didn't. She gave up and moved to Florida.
scgramma
We'll be taking i slow, weekends she's done before. She's visited monthly , has had them for week here and there. Told grandson it will be weekend visits. I'll have to discuss with granddaughter. I know she loves mom and may act out thinking she will move in with mom. However, since I have full custody I can't just. Hand them over even if I thought it was time. Which I dont. She will be lonely, and that in itself can trigger a borderline. I'm very much aware failed reunification can cause major attatched t issues. I have to protect them from that. So scared of upcoming roller coaster I pray to God to lead and guide my steps and mouth.....
redheadfrog
Our dd has a "what we thought" was supportive bf. They had a baby and all seemed well. They live out of state, when they came for a visit at Thanksgiving, we saw the real relationship. He is not supportive! He tried to leave her and the new baby at our house. Keep in mind, when they live far enough away, they can tell you whatever they want. I would definitely wait. At this point, not sure returning children you have bonded with would be a good idea no matter the situation. 7 years is a long time.
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