Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I periodically check the records of the local court to see if my daughter or her recently out of prison boyfriend are in trouble. Yesterday I found out daughter has been charged with theft and receiving stolen property. Her court date is 1/31. She only made it a little over a year without getting in trouble. I fear she will go to jail (she is on probation). She is raising baby and I have her other two girls. I decided to have little to do with baby when she was born. I didn't want to get attached and raise another. If she goes to jail, baby will go to foster care. I know it would be good for baby to be taken away. I don't know how I will live with the fact that I didn't step in and raise baby but my husband (stepdad) has already told me he will not be here if I take on another of her children. He is a wonderful "papa" to the girls we are raising. How do I explain to the girls why their sister can't live with us? Do I choose this baby over my husband? I don't want to but then we are all doing things we don't want to do. Has anyone ever been in this situation?
If your husband is still so strongly against it, I would go the route of making sure that you keep contact with granddaughter as a grandma and try to overcome the guilt feelings of not being able to take her.
The decision is yours and your husbands, but it just makes my heart hurt when any of us feel guilt. We have all done so much - so much more than "required", so much over and above-board, that when someone feels guilt because they can't do more, it makes me sooooo sad.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Love to you!
Think of it this way: As long as your daughter is still able to, she will probably continue to have babies. How many is enough before you'd say "no" anyway? Three? Five? Six?
At some point you have to focus on your own sanity, and I can tell you from experience that the third kid does something to the dynamic. When one of ours spends the night at a friend or relative's, the other two are almost a pleasure to have. The third child also affects food and clothing costs, especially if it's the other gender. The burden of a third cannot be overstated.
Of course the choice is up to you, and only you and your husband know what's best.
As for explaining anything to the older girls, you may not have to. How old are they? Will they even ask? Sometimes, a simple "she had to go live with someone else" is a good enough explanation for very young children.
I'll say prayers that you make the right decision, but again, please don't feel guilty if you decide that this is over your heads. It's completely, totally understandable. I can tell you with FULL CERTAINTY that if Pinky had had any more kids they would not have been with us.