Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
In August my dd had another baby.
My, now 3-yr-old, gd was born 3 months early in 2010, dd received no prenatal care, gd born with pot in her system, we had to emergency move my dd and her bf in because they had not paid rent in several months. Also we had no idea she was pregnant.
About a year into them living with us, things erupted while my husband and I went on vacation. We got a call from jail, my dd had been arrested for domestic abuse. There was an order of protection for gd and bf, my dd had to live elsewhere and wasnt allowed to see her daughter until after court. Short story, we found out about lots of domestic violence between the two, smoking pot, popping pills, etc. After the bf moved out, my 29-yr-old nephew passed away from adrenal cancer, we went to the funeral in another state and our dd let bf in the house and he robbed us! I still believe she was in on it. So by the time my gd was 1 our dd had a new bf she just met at a hotel and moved him in. We caught them doing drugs in the garage in May of 2012 and told them to get out, dd left her daughter and told us shed be back the next day. She drove to Ohio, bfs home state, and never returned. We had been consulting with a lawyer for several months prior and went to court in August of 2012 to gain guardianship. Our dd voluntarily signed the papers one day before court because she was still on probation, dont even want to talk about all the violations while she was on probation.
So, Christmas of last year dd visited her daughter. Havent seen her since, she calls maybe once a week. In August she gave birth to a boy, preemie, but not as premature as gd. More drama, bf struck her in the hospital while she was holding newborn gs. She was asking us, if she could come home, etc.
She has not mentioned anything about gd coming to live with her and bf. And frankly, I wouldnt want her to. I just wonder what your thoughts are on gd going back to live with her bio-mom. She admits she still smokes pot but doesnt see a problem with it.
I know we are bonded (gd, me, husband). Lately, gd (only 3) has said that I am her mommy (she calls her bio momma)we have always been grammy and papa. Just recently, shes noticed other children with their moms and dads so shes started telling me last week Im her mommy and my husband is her daddy too. I just say, yes honey, grammy does mommy things for you, etc.
I would like to see my dd do well and raise her daughter, but I know she never bonded with her and feel like gd bonded with me and my husband since after 6 months old (2 of which gd was in the nicu) my dd and her bf spent most of their time smoking pot and fighting.
Would love to hear you views.
My, now 3-yr-old, gd was born 3 months early in 2010, dd received no prenatal care, gd born with pot in her system, we had to emergency move my dd and her bf in because they had not paid rent in several months. Also we had no idea she was pregnant.
About a year into them living with us, things erupted while my husband and I went on vacation. We got a call from jail, my dd had been arrested for domestic abuse. There was an order of protection for gd and bf, my dd had to live elsewhere and wasnt allowed to see her daughter until after court. Short story, we found out about lots of domestic violence between the two, smoking pot, popping pills, etc. After the bf moved out, my 29-yr-old nephew passed away from adrenal cancer, we went to the funeral in another state and our dd let bf in the house and he robbed us! I still believe she was in on it. So by the time my gd was 1 our dd had a new bf she just met at a hotel and moved him in. We caught them doing drugs in the garage in May of 2012 and told them to get out, dd left her daughter and told us shed be back the next day. She drove to Ohio, bfs home state, and never returned. We had been consulting with a lawyer for several months prior and went to court in August of 2012 to gain guardianship. Our dd voluntarily signed the papers one day before court because she was still on probation, dont even want to talk about all the violations while she was on probation.
So, Christmas of last year dd visited her daughter. Havent seen her since, she calls maybe once a week. In August she gave birth to a boy, preemie, but not as premature as gd. More drama, bf struck her in the hospital while she was holding newborn gs. She was asking us, if she could come home, etc.
She has not mentioned anything about gd coming to live with her and bf. And frankly, I wouldnt want her to. I just wonder what your thoughts are on gd going back to live with her bio-mom. She admits she still smokes pot but doesnt see a problem with it.
I know we are bonded (gd, me, husband). Lately, gd (only 3) has said that I am her mommy (she calls her bio momma)we have always been grammy and papa. Just recently, shes noticed other children with their moms and dads so shes started telling me last week Im her mommy and my husband is her daddy too. I just say, yes honey, grammy does mommy things for you, etc.
I would like to see my dd do well and raise her daughter, but I know she never bonded with her and feel like gd bonded with me and my husband since after 6 months old (2 of which gd was in the nicu) my dd and her bf spent most of their time smoking pot and fighting.
Would love to hear you views.
Nothing has come up we want to discuss adopting gd. We were wondering about a bonding study and such to determine what would be best for gd. I just want to be sure shes getting what she needs and since is now realizing what mommy vs. grammy, etc. I feel in my heart that adopting her would help all of us moving forward, instead of me constantly waiting to see if dd wants her daughter back.
Thank you nutsandbolts!
It is way more confusing to the child the longer it goes on with no resolution
scgramma, Thank you for your sensible advice! It is difficult to clear out all the voices that have no experience in this realm and this is why it is so important to find others with such extensive experience. I am thankful for each and every one that is active in this group!
GMaWilli, My husband and I would be willing to take gs if that situation arises. We were in contact with the hospital and police after the police were called for the assault in the hospital. We also contacted our lawyer when this happened to be sure that cps would contact us if gs was removed from the home.
Horsepad, Thank you for the information specific to Ohio. I suspect my dd might know this and is now asking me to bring my gd to Ohio for a visit. I am very hesitant to bring my gd to her in Ohio. Not sure I will be able to handle such a stressful situation. When my dd visited us last Christmas, the drama was too much to bear. She and bf fought several times (never escalated to physical, but lots of yelling that visibly upset gd to the point she was crying) and then my dd obtain pills from her friend that lives next door to us. She was like a mushroom on Christmas eve! Gd was physically ill on Christmas and my dd did nothing, not that gd wanted her bio-mom, she only wanted me.
I'm overjoyed that I found and God has allowed such a wonderful group of support! Thank you so very much!
I think that, if any of us have done anything "wrong" in our situations it's that we haven't been hard enough on the bios.
My husband and I finally got really tough and "hard-hearted" with Pinky, not to punish her or anything like that, but simply to preserve our own sanity and keep the kids away from her worst behaviors.
At some point we have to realize that the bios won't or can't change, but we can. And sometimes we need to change a lot for the sake of our grandkids. If that means we harden our hearts toward the bios who refuse to even make an effort to change, so be it.
fast forward to present day... she has given temp custody of GD to bio dad's aunt and checked into rehab for dinking...while I am very proud of her and she I doing well if had handed him over to her when she wanted me too, when the mommy hormones kicked up look what he world have had to go thru. almost three years later she is well past the point of ever being his mother... he knows she is his mom he also will tell you WE are his parents.