Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
My son and his girlfriend were killed in a vehicle accident two months ago. She had 4 children and two of her children were my son's. The two younger ones.
I am going through the court system to get permanent guardianship and then adoption as the babies are orphans. Both are under two. The half siblings have different fathers and over 10.
Calif court did order 1513 (a&b) investigations. The B portion was from CPS. I live two hours away. The investigator only did a phone interview with me and my husband. There were two phone calls as my husband was at work the first call . She was calling back to confirm my conversation that I had with her to my husband and also get his statement.
Right now, its myself and husband (paternal grandma and stepgrandpa) vs. the maternal grandma and uncle. The maternal grandma did live with my son when he passed away. Then she moved in with her son. She can't financially support herself and there are other issues going on. So, she and her son, is objectors to my petition.
They do have temp guardianship at the moment as they took the babies the first day of my son and his girlfriend's passing. My attorney had told me to create less drama and least resistance as possible until we got into court. The judge does not like drama.
So, objectively, just having a phone call from CPS via the court, does that mean anything negative or positive as the investigator was satisfied with my answers.
I feel the interview went well. And on paper, we do look like the better choice, but what could go against us is that the half siblings are still in the same area. But, they should be living with their father now.
Both families are trying to keep things peaceful, but there's still that tension as the future of the babies is uncertain.
I do think that they may have had a visit to their home as it was in the same area where my son lived, but with me just having a phone interview and never had to go through this process before.
My attorney did tell me I had a good change for custody, but, I am just so nervous and want to know how it all works. I am facing reality and want to know the reality, not just rely on hope
I am going through the court system to get permanent guardianship and then adoption as the babies are orphans. Both are under two. The half siblings have different fathers and over 10.
Calif court did order 1513 (a&b) investigations. The B portion was from CPS. I live two hours away. The investigator only did a phone interview with me and my husband. There were two phone calls as my husband was at work the first call . She was calling back to confirm my conversation that I had with her to my husband and also get his statement.
Right now, its myself and husband (paternal grandma and stepgrandpa) vs. the maternal grandma and uncle. The maternal grandma did live with my son when he passed away. Then she moved in with her son. She can't financially support herself and there are other issues going on. So, she and her son, is objectors to my petition.
They do have temp guardianship at the moment as they took the babies the first day of my son and his girlfriend's passing. My attorney had told me to create less drama and least resistance as possible until we got into court. The judge does not like drama.
So, objectively, just having a phone call from CPS via the court, does that mean anything negative or positive as the investigator was satisfied with my answers.
I feel the interview went well. And on paper, we do look like the better choice, but what could go against us is that the half siblings are still in the same area. But, they should be living with their father now.
Both families are trying to keep things peaceful, but there's still that tension as the future of the babies is uncertain.
I do think that they may have had a visit to their home as it was in the same area where my son lived, but with me just having a phone interview and never had to go through this process before.
My attorney did tell me I had a good change for custody, but, I am just so nervous and want to know how it all works. I am facing reality and want to know the reality, not just rely on hope
I'm glad you have an attorney, and he seems to be wise in cautioning no drama to annoy the judge! You seem to be the logical choice to me, as the maternal grandmother can't support herself...how will she support 4 kids? I'm sure there will be survivor benefits for all 4 kids, but that won't mean much as they grow older and their expenses increase.
I know it's hard to wait, as I am in the same situation waiting for foster care to transfer paperwork 1,700 miles to the state where I live. And boy, it appears things grind to a halt during the holidays huh?
Listen to your attorney, I believe your stability in all areas will go in your favor. Wish there were answers for us all...
Good luck!
And I don't know if my accusations were proven to her, so she may already had her decision as she spoke to the other side of the family prior to me. I had to clarify a few things with her. Essentially, catching the other family in a couple lies. Now, the investigator will have to determine who she believed. Which I think she would me as one of the items was that the other family said they were traveling two hours to my house to drop off the babies to me. I clarified to the investigator that I was actually driving there and staying with my own parents so all my family can visit with the babies (aunts/uncles, cousins and my parents). We were all close to the kids.
The other thing was that I requested a drug test on the grandma and uncle. They agreed to take the test, as long as I paid for it. The judge told them they needed it done by the end of the day at 5pm. Immediately after court, I went to pay for it. The drug testing center confirmed they will be open all day Wednesday (day before Thanksgiving) and also, I had called that Friday afternoon to see if my money was used for their testing. Which they didn't. This was also confirmed that the testing center was open all day Friday.
They told the investigator that the testing center was closed half day Wednesday and closed Friday after thanksgiving, so they couldn't go until Monday. My husband told the investigator that was incorrect...the testing center was open all day for both days. So, essentially, the family had five days to "detox". There are things easily available for people to take to show drug tests to be negative for marijuana. And if they took other drugs, they only stay in the system for a few days. They had five days. So, I hope the investigator followed up with the testing center that I was correct on the hours opened and this will proved that they lied.
It's so hard waiting to hear the results of the investigation and the court date in February. I never had to do this before, and it's just hard not knowing .
And I found out that the uncle and his girlfriend is already calling themselves "mommy and daddy" when my son was not even gone a month. They should not do that. It was like a sucker punch to my gut. I understand later on down the road, my grandbabies may need a mommy and daddy, but they are too young right now for that.
Fortunately, my husband and I have a clean record. Hubby has a great job for the past 25 years and we won't depend on government assistance. Only thing that could work against us is that there are two older half-sisters. And they may want to keep them together. But, they don't live in the house....and that's another issue, but something I can't be involved in as they are not my granddaughters.
Mystic, I hope things start moving quickly for you soon. Yes, things do grind to a halt during the holidays. Good luck to you as well.
So you are petitioning for your 2 bio grandkids only? I do understand, and hopefully these babies are small enough that there will be no lasting memories of their 2 older half-sisters. It's really quite complicated, huh?
I am calling each and every day to the caseworker in the state where my grandkids are in foster care, to no avail. She doesn't call me back and I get her voicemail. Today I will call her supervisor and see if I can get some results. I hate to be pesty but apparently that's what it will take and I will do this for my grandchildren.
How will you proceed, KRenae? Will the court require drug testing again? Will they be allowed to have 5 days to detox? Wow, these court cases are surely screwed up on every level.
Let us know how you are doing.
Carry on...
As for the two half siblings, I still plan for them to be part of my Bo grandchildren lives. That's important. I have a good relationship with the sisters. It will have to be up to the dad on how he will allow me too. I would in a heartbeat take the non-bio kids, but I don't have a chance as they have a surviving father. They are older and would want to be with their dad.
I would be calling the social worker too if I was in your shoes. They can be overworked and slow to get things done. Good luck
People have told me that the court sees through all of this, but if they know how to "act", and I know so much, but "can't prove with physical evidence", as they are behaving right now...but, I am so nervous as I am not a systems person and never had to deal with the court system before.
A family member was the one who called my son's work, so the uncle and grandma could use the excuse "it was not them calling, so they had nothing to do with that". The family member who called for them, is the sister to the grandma. So, she could say they were just getting info for me. Which I never met that woman before that day (the sister of the grandma).
and for comfort, my dcf case manager said to me once.... all true colors eventually come out... and my story had a happy ending...
crossing my fingers for you...