Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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lisadawn7193 09/19/2013

I have not been on for awhile and have miss having that extra support. Running the little ones everywhere and to all the therapies has been much. I am trying to handle certain situations with the bio mom and want to strangle her some days. She does not have custody of the girls we do. She stays at my sister in laws house (which is a one bedroom state assisted apartment) and lives out of my father in laws van. She did get a job and now has started promising the girls stuff. UGH.. anyway I asked her a couple of weeks ago if given a drug test would she pass and she said prob not..ok..the boyfriend has crimal felonies for drugs..(what a winner) and she has been told that no men are allowed at visits..she told me yesterday that she finally broke up with him..(which we will see how long this last..she goes through men so often that i cannot keep up and then uses them when she needs something).. also we have told her not to post the childrens pics on facebook and guess what...today my other daughter showed me new pics of the girls on what facebook...ugh again...
To top is off...the 3 year old told me that she is going to help her mom raise money for her to get a house so she can go live there...excuse me...I told her that she lives here and only mommy would live at that house....I want to go over and shake the crap out of her but I do not think that it would do anything..Oh and did I mention that she went to the mental hospital this past dec and jan along with feb and is suppose to be taking her meds...she has not had her meds in over two month and told the 3 year old that ...get this " mommy is crazy and needs to see the doc but has no money" what ...you tell a 3 year old that your crazy...She told me that mommy says she crazy and I said yep she is...OMG
any thoughts on how to handle this crazy lady that is not on her meds and is promising the children things along with going against the rules...She is only my step daughter but still...I did not bring her in but would be glad to show her the way out..lol my poor husband has not even spoke to her in almost a year...he will anwer a question but not hold a conversation so all of this is on my shoulders...he states that if he starts talking that he might strangle her..lol So we divide up who handles what with 8 of them it can be a struggle..
thanks for letting me vent...

SaraBT 09/19/2013

Lisa, how does she speak to the kids?

When Pinky gets caught saying stupid stuff we simply cut her off from visits or I listen in on the phone calls. Fortunately the kids are old enough now to know that they can't fix stupid, either, but when they're younger they want to believe everything "Mommy" says.

nutsandbolts 09/19/2013

Hi Lisa, have you tried walking with your husband and not talking to her? If she is positive for drugs and not taking her meds, she shouldn't be allowed visits. If CPS is involved let them know. The conversations your step daughter is having with her three year old is not appropriate for her age.... That's a BIG red flag for CPS and if she has visitation they should now be placed as supervised.

As for the posting of pics, if she is allowed to take pics of her, there really isn't any stopping her of posting unless there is a court order.

I'm sorry, but bios will not adhear to rules...if they did, we wouldn't be raising their children.

scgramma 09/19/2013

My dd is out of touch with reality. I have had custody of 7yo since he was one. She is giving me legal custody of 4 year old that I've raised off and on, 3/4 of those years. Had poa since February . Last night FaceTime she an ounces to the kids she is joing the Army , and then s be "able to get y'all back". I'm not even sure they understand what she means by that but they were very happy and surprised . Guess they expect a vacation. Btw she live next state over with newest bf.. I don't even know what to say. I was in another room and I was speechless..

SaraBT 09/19/2013

That's another reason to listen in when they call. The second they start to blurt out the ol' "I'll have you back" -- CLICK!

GMaWilli 09/19/2013

So what are the visitation arrangements? She should not be getting unsupervised time. If she is, I would go back to court, exoress concern that she is using, ask for a hair follicle drug test & visits to be ordered supervised if she doesn't pass. I would also raise concerns over her emitionally abusing child with inappropriate promises & adult conversation AND bring up felon bf being anywhere near gc durin visits. Whew.........what a mess these bios cause!!!!!

GMaWilli 09/19/2013

Sorry for typos, I'm not so good on the tablet keyboard!

daisydduck 09/19/2013

You are not going to change her and the fact that she is saying such things to her 3 year old is pathetic as well as damaging to the child. We all get caught in the trap of trying to work these things out but realistically, it sounds like her parental rights s/be terminated. Visitation should stop. Speak to therapist about grieving therapy for the kids and move on with your lives.

carly2010 09/19/2013

Your sd sound exactly like mine. Though my hubby would be envious of yours because he would love to not have to talk to her. I make him because I can't. But I have to monitor dh because he is fed up and has no patience in dealing with her. We have a general rule that when mom is off her meds there is no contact. We have sd text us before she calls. As a way to screen her that day, and check her fb before she can call. It's usually pretty clear when she is not taking her meds. Our calls are always on speaker and abruptly ended when mom stars making promises that she shouldn't be making.

redheadfrog 09/20/2013

I'm still so new too all of this and this group, and all I can say is...WOW! I though it was just my dd that did this. My dd just had another child and before she gave birth started to talk about when she brings Alicia home, and Alicia's room, and on and on. Of course, there were issues at the hospital when she gave birth, CPS called again. It is amazing how hard she tries to maintain parental status with regard to our gd.

My husband is like your's lisadawn. He will answer questions but refuses to hold a conversation for fear of his reaction.

I will know what to do next time my dd starts the crazy talk.

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