OOPS. That was a slip, meant to say 'I am CONVINCED that poor parenting does NOT become healthy parenting.

i have a gs who is 2yrs old.My son and dil have 3lg dogs in house.GS has ecemza and my opinion is allergic to dogs. We have brought up in conversation and they get very offended and mad.There is nothing else we can do. They havnt told dr they have dogs andwish i knew dr.So wedont say much for afraid of keeping him from us.Plus they have a daughterwho is 16 yrs old andhas ashama and washospitalized 1 wk.we are very upset with this.GS has hives on neck,hand,feet rubs eyes sneezes all common reaction of allergies

I've been in this group since 2009 and have never seen one example of a bio getting their act together enough to get their kids back. That goes for people I know in "real life."

I would imagine that if the bio gets immediate help after losing their kids and commits to their program IMMEDIATELY, they could straighten out and become good parents. But after years have gone by, the changes seem to be less and less.

It is always helpful to hear that bios did not get kids back, as we have court tomorrow when my son challenges our permanent guardianship and we respond to his contempt charges because he thinks we were supposed to 'give her back to them' when we got permanent guardianship. He is here right now visiting gd. I dont care to see him, my son.

Oh, let us know how it goes! I'll be saying prayers for you.

me too !

Jan, hope all goes well for you tomorrow.

My son and his GF are hoping to get their baby back June 2. This is her 5th that she does not have custody of but she is only asking for this one back. That says something about what kind of mother she is right there but any way. IF they do get her back I will let you know if they prove me wrong. My son has always been a good dad and did 99% of the parenting of the two girls I have. He got over whelmed with trying to care for a drug/mental wife and two babies. Now he has another unstable woman and baby. I still do not understand where his head is at.

Time will tell if DCF returns the baby and how long it lasts if they do.

I really thought that 2 yrs ago when we got temp custody of our two grandkids, that one of them would get themselves straight and get them back. But I am now very doubtful. Even though I don't believe either is using drugs anymore, and since they are separated there isn't any DV. But neither of them seem to be in any hurry to get them back.

I believe that even once they are clean, there are too many other personality disorders that keep them from being able to effectively parent.

Grammaga, you are so right about the personality disorders. I keep thinking about that old ad on TV. This is your brain this is your brain on drugs, showing an egg frying in a pan.

What is going to happen to the next generation? The babies of the children we are raising? The missing generation is not going to be there to raise their grandchildren.

Grammaga and Grammy22, I've had a few discussions about personality disorders and drug use. My mother, aunt and dd all seem to have the same undiagnosed disorder. My mother wasn't too bad but is a very selfish person and did use drugs in the 60's as did my aunt, both required a lot of help raising their children and finally left their children when they were junior high aged. My dd just did it much earlier. Perhaps there's a lot of self-medicating going on, or just the permanent effect of the drugs on their brains. I just wish they'd figured out parenthood wasn't for them long before they had children. But I'm not sorry by any stretch to have my gd, she's the light of my life.

Parenting is much more involved than proper care of an infant to raising a teenager. Everyone here knows the baggage that comes with our grandchildren. Any theory of development stresses that children must pass through stages successfully if they are to develop into healthy adults. Pl Mostly you are dealing with parents who are addicts and suffer from mental health issues. This means that they must deal with addiction before even thinking about their children. In the meantime the children are caught in a web of insecurity. Even if they recover from their addiction, the children will have gone through life expecting to be loved and nurtured and not sure who they can trust.. I believe grandparents fight needs to focus on the children's needs. Parents should not be allowed to interfere with the children's lives while they are dealing with addiction. I just took a class on addiction and the brain changes that occur during drug abuse cannot be reversed. The only way we can protect the children is by getting the laws changed to support our grandchildren. I am doing a presentation next month for our state task force on grandparents becoming parents again . The only way we can make a difference to gather together and state our case. Feel free to contact me for more info. After addressing the states I will move onto federal. We need to educate legislators before they will give us support. You ask about successful reunification which probably will not occur. We need to band together to get our. message heard to protect our grandchildren. I will be posting on new website soon where you can join in.

Daisydduck, would love to assist in any way. Please let me know, what I can do to assist with the state and federal government. I live in Indiana and am a Chicago native that would like to return to Illinois one day.

daisydduck, I am in Massachusetts. On June 16th I am attending a Governor's Council on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. I have never attended anything like this and have no idea what to expect.

Red, we lived near Indy for 4 years. Youngest daughter was born in Beech Grove. I will be in touch. Thx for your help.

Grammy, we have a governor's conference on aging in chicago each December where they have various presentations. You may find similar. See what they have for grandparents and if they don't have anything ask them why. We need to get in their faces. Let us know how it goes.