Jan if you have guardianship and your son does not have a court order to visit at whim you do not have to allow him or the mother to visit. All you have to do is say NO. As guardian you need to do what is in the best interest of Bella, it is not in her best interest to be around drug addicts.

My xDIL is not allowed visitation. That was on the recommendation of DCF. Even though DCF is not involved I am sticking with their recommendation. If and when the mother wants to see the girls she is going to need to file in court for visitation. DCF said it would only be allowed at a visitation center until she can prove she is stable enough to see them unsupervise. Again DCF is off the case and it will be up to the judge but due to her past actions and the probate records I do not expect her to get unsupervised visitation for a long time.

The other nice thing about visitation centers is the parent needs to make the arrangements with the center and pay for it. As we all know most of these parent would rather spend the money on drugs and most of them are not clear enough in their minds to make the arrangements and show up for their appointment. If they do not follow the centers rules they can not visit or the visit is cut short. You will also have a documented history of the visits or lack of visits.

We are meeting with a therapist this week. This is an important issue to talk about and do something about. I am not one to just whine and wonder, I do take action. I want someone in 'our court' and will work with DCF folks who had told us about supervised visits on their turf, and yes, let the 'parents' set it up and pay. We all here, me, husband, and gd do not need the stress of their crap. Issues will come up with others in the family who still enable my son and continue to believe he is 'trying'. I do not believe in offering gd up as a carrot to entice better behavior.

Met with therapist who works with kids. She says Mom, etc is a comfort word, If it's what child wants, it's ok. Ckng out supervised visitation place next. Want to be sure this is best for gd. Plowing ahead.

Jan,

That is a good question. Is a visitation center a good place for Bella? If her immune system is low it may not be a good place, I am sure they have dealt with children who have low immune and need special consideration for visitation.

After being in the very dirty DCF playroom, I wouldnt want any child in such a place. I wouldnt even change a diaper there last Sept. So I am going to look over this place in person, and also talk with the therapist next meeting about places, or even perhaps in her office?? We are sort of mixed about this, as she can play here at home with all her stuff when they are here. We are in one room, which is good and not so comfortable, if you know what I mean. Also, gf is going to court tomorrow for scheduled review for 8 year old daughter who is with her bio dad and thriving. He is quite worried that court will hand her over to mom, as he's sure MA is so mom-biased. Personally I dont believe DCF has any plan to do this, and DCF has custody. Mom has show little interest in either girl, and is very uncooperative with workers at DCF, even confrontational and blaming them. That's a big no-no.

I am still in the waiting mode to see if bio mom is going to try to see the girls. Since she dumped the girls I have heard from her every time she has gotten out of a hospital. 4 times since the middle of Jan. She sends a text the day she gets out saying she is going to drop off some of the girls favorite things. I give her a time but never her from her. Two week or so go by and I hear she has been committed again. I am hoping she vanishes for good.

Once a bio dad gets custody and the child is doing well with him usually the mom can only regain custody if the dad screws up. Yes the MA courts favor mom the first time but once Dad gets custody he usually keeps it.