Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Burn out

Kat51
Kat51
I need a break. I dont know how or when, but I REALLY need a break not a lot, just a couple of hours just some peace and quiet time all to myself. Its been frantic both at work and home for weeks now. Every weekend is filled with sports, kids overnight, running, etc. Yesterday I started work at 6:30 a.m., worked 10 hours, went to my granddaughters T-ball game, got home at 8:00, and ended up working on-line to complete the registration for my grandsons basketball tournament, the phone kept ringing, the registration timed out a couple of times and I had to keep re-entering things, and I finally was done and got to bed at 11:00. I foolishly was looking forward to going home tonight, throwing dinner on the grill, and sitting on the deck reading a book. Until DH reminded me theres a basketball game tonight. So much for relaxing. Ill need to race home, throw dinner together, run to the YMCA, and get home about 9:30 tonight. Id skip this game, but I missed the one last week because I was out of town for work and I dont want to just skip it. Ive rarely missed one of his games and I know its so important to him that Im there for him. If theres a real reason, such as Im out of town for work like I was last week, then he doesnt mind. But for me to just not go, I think would stir up feelings of abandonment for him. Ill get some quiet time eventually. But, in the meantime, thank you all for being here to listen to me whine.
sunni185
sunni185
You're not whining. We all feel overwhelmed and overworked. This is when our lives were supposed to get easier(lol). I too push myself until I'm exhausted, just trying to keep up with work, the care of the house, and taking care of my grandaughter. I'd love to have a week alone somewhere quiet.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh, I understand your feelings all too well! Feel free to whine all you like. I feel overwhelmed more often than not. I so often feel like I just can't handle one more thing or it's all gonna fall apart.
Hang in there, and try to tell hubby that you really need just a couple hours to yourself, to relax.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My dear, you just vent all you want. We are all in the same boat with you. Sometimes I wonder where my energy comes from. I know I did these things when my children were younger but hell 25 years later is much harder.
daisydduck
daisydduck
Go online and find your state council on aging where they should show a committee for grandparents raising grandchildren. The may have some respite care programs to give you a break. You're not in this alone and there are many more resources than when we started with our gs. You're human and have needs too. Hope this will help you find some help.
Kat51
Kat51
Thanks everyone. Just a lot of extra stress lately. Very busy at work and probably won't be able to take any time off until March now, but in these uncertain times I feel fortunate to still have a job. Husband has health problems. I'm helping take care of my dad, who's 82 and is getting very forgetful and confused at times - I pay most of his bills for him, etc. And, I'm power of attorney for my brother who has the same degenerative disease that killed our mother. I'm all Dad has because it's just my brother and me and my brother is in worse shape than my dad. I have so many people depending on me that sometimes it's a bit overwhelming. I never dreamed I'd be raising a grandchild while taking care of a sick husband, aging parent, and a disabled sibling, yet I thank God that I'm able to do that. Last night I got an entire 45 minutes of peace and quiet, so I'll be good for a bit now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
OH MY! No wonder you are so very tired. Can you get some respite to help you care for you dad and brother - it might even 'pay' to employ someone for a couple of hours a week to help you - and NO its not a failing its just taking care of you so you CAN take care of all these people you love.
Your GS is 14 - old enough now to reason and talk to! I would explain to him how tired you (being careful not to place any guilt on him) and ask him to prioritize those activities that he REALLY REALLY doesn't want you to miss. Maybe he is mature enough to know see what is happening.
you ARE allowed to call time out for yourself - you will be no help to anyone when you are a sniveling wreck curled up in the foetal position on the floor - but at least it might be peaceful *laughing*
Good Luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh yes just vent, I know at times it is crazy and I get overwhelmed.
I always tried to use the time Ri went to mom's for my break while I worried about her the whole time,now that she only goes one day a week, I have a few hours of break in the evening. My trip last week that is all I did is lay back and relax, I didn't know if I could do it/remember how to BUT I did it.
Maybe set one day a week or every other week to say okay everyone this is my night to do nothing but relax, this is the night I go no place or do nothing.
But whine whine and whine all you want, at least we all have found a place to get it off our chest.
Kat51
Kat51
Thanks for listening. I'm usually alright, but just need an hour or so once in a while and had not gotten it for a bit. There is nothing anyone else can do to help with my dad or brother. I do things like pay their bills and called to get estimates to replace my dad's furnace, etc. I would have no problem getting my grandson to activities - any of his friend's parents or DH could take him. I want to watch him play basketball - so it's my choice to go. I'll get by - just needed to vent. And, again, thanks for listening.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have you thought about summer camp??? there may be programs in your area that give a discount, or maybe even free, my grandson goes every year!!!! it is so nice for everyone, I know how you feel, I raised my four kids alone without hardly any income (deadbeat dad issue) and now I am raising more kids ( I get another grandson next month) Just remember, we are God's angels here on earth to protect these babies!!! Big Love :)
Kat51
Kat51
He actually was gone for a week visiting his mother last month. But, he's such a home-body - he was very upset that his mother got the flu and was unable to bring him home on time - he had to wait an extra day. He said that being gone for a few days once in a while was alright, but that was too long. His mother could have gotten him into a fabulous basketball camp free of charge next month, but he did not want to go. He said that he'd been gone so much already this summer that he just wanted to stay home. (We went out of town for vacation five days shortly after he returned from his mother's. He didn't even want to go because he said he'd just gotten home and didn't want to leave again). That's why I end up having all of his friends come to our house to spend the night. He doesn't want to go to their house as a general rule - would rather they come here. I've had so many over night all summer now and it got to be too much. He begged and begged to have a couple boys spend the night Friday and I stood firm - I told him that I need a break. It's been very peaceful and I'm feeling a lot better now.