Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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sothrnb 01/04/2015

I didn't need therapy to get out of being OCD!! I just needed to have an infant granddaughter!!! I was the cleaning freak. I knew if something was moved an inch in my home. Everything was perfectly in it's place....until.....little one! I knew it was going to be difficult, but had no idea that I wouldn't be able to "do it all" as I had in the past. I do let things go and I found out....it's okay. We as grandparents seem to want to make everything perfect and do everything the "right" way. We put so much pressure on ourselves. We know what these children have been through and we want to show them better and make up for the mistakes their parents made. I definitely have overdone and overtried. I now have learned to only do the best that I can and what I can. They just need love and security now and we are the ones they rely on. I wonder sometimes if I can get through the rest of a day. I can't watch the 10:00 news anymore because I have to get up so early in the mornings. The gym is out...can't meet with friends out, I stay so broke and tired...and so much more. I've given up and sacrificed so much, but I know that this beautiful baby is being taken care of. I haven't had 1 full cup of hot coffee in so long, but I do have a huge heart that has been wrapped up with this little angel. I guess that I've never been so happy to have my life turned upside down!

SaraBT 01/04/2015

OMG, can I relate!

My house was freakin' PERFECT! It looked good, it smelled good, it was good!

Now you open a bedroom door and it smells like Teenager. YUCK! There can be jelly smears on the kitchen counter. Bowls of moldy oranges in night stand drawers (hey, at least they're eating oranges. HAHA).

It totally makes me crazy, and makes my husband even crazier. But I think we're finally getting it.

I woke up this morning and came out to a perfectly put-away family room. With my news station programmed in! I praised the kids to the skies because they seem to be finally getting it that this is THEIR HOUSE, TOO!

I hope it continues. Maybe we can make them be OCD, too. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

LucilleM 01/04/2015

Its such a relief to hear other grandparents write the same thing I've been going through. Perfect and clean is out of the question -- good enough is where I'm at now. There were times I thought I was not going to be able to do this and then night comes and I get a chance to rest my frayed nerves. I have rough days but I also have days when I'm glad they are with me and that they are save and being cared for. I've seen big improvements, especially with my granddaughter who was so neglected by her parents. She was always dirty and usually curled up in a ball on the floor. It was heartbreaking to see her like that. I've had the kids about 8 months and my granddaughter no longer hoards her food because she knows I'm going to feed her and clean her, play and talk with her. She was very behind in a lot of things and now I see her as a very bright, curious, feisty and verbal little toddler.

grammy22 01/04/2015

This is a really nice post.

daisydduck 01/04/2015

You said it all so eloquently. I had my mother with Alzheimer's, my husband disabled by a stroke at 49, my daughter with terminal brain cancer, as well asmy preemie grandson. Yes it was hard and the home I had decorated and was so proud of began to look like there'd Roof Inn! Through it all it was thejoy of our grandson that kept me going. He turns 25 this month and I am s o proud of him! My husband and I feel so blessed to have him in our lives. Thank you for sharing.

redheadfrog 01/05/2015

Oh boy can I relate! We purchased a new home in '04 and I was so happy to be able to purchase new furniture and decor. Even commented how happy I was that we had waited to purchase new items (we usually received hand-me-downs from family) and I didn't have any small children to worry about the messes. The dcor took several years for it to be complete and late in 2010 we had my daughter, he boyfriend and a new baby in the house. Boyfriend was first to leave, then our daughter. We now have a 5 year old wiping her hands on the couch and using (washable) crayons on the walls (no so much now, but when she was 3).

But her hugs and kisses more than make up for a model interior:)

SaraBT 01/05/2015

I just wish we could have hugs and kisses AND a model interior. HAHAHA!

LucilleM 01/05/2015

I guess we'll have to wait for our model interior when the kids are grown. Hopefully we will still have our brains in tact to enjoy it. When my granddaughter is 18 I'll be 80!!!! Please alzheimer stay away from me, I don't have time to deal with you.

Hope4Delaney 01/05/2015

You are so right! This is REALLY hard but REALLY worth it! I am/was also an OCD clean freak. I now have a 16 yo GD and the absolute worst is the bathroom that she and I share. Ugh! She also likes to "borrow" all of my cosmetics even though she has her own. But I get lots of sleep that I didn't get when she was little and lived with us.

debas 01/06/2015

The first week our youngest gd was w/us she kicked out the screen on the back porch so she could go outside. Her most recent artwork was done on the wall w/nail polish. On a positive note tonight she looked at the nail polish on the wall and told me she was sorry. BTW magic eraser won't work to remove nail polish from the wall. Our house will be picture perfect when the granddaughters are grown (we'll be 76).
It might be picture perfect in the future but too quiet and I'll be missing the commotion and fun of having two little girls in our home.

SaraBT 01/06/2015

Debas, some of that may be normal. I grew up in a very stable, loving home. And for some odd reason one day when I was supposed to be taking a nap I got my mom's bright red lipstick and drew a huge stick figure on the wallpaper. Then I discovered that lipstick looks REALLY cool when you push it through a window screen.

I can still remember running and hiding under my mom's desk when I heard her coming upstairs. And I can remember her screams. LOL!

That lipstick stayed on my wall for a couple of years, until they surprised me with a room redecoration when I was away at camp.

I have no idea what possessed me to do that, though. HAHAHA

barrelracer 01/09/2015

I'm new here, and I can't tell you how good it is to hear others with the same thoughts. My house is back to kiddie city. I don't think I have a minute to myself, but went I think of all the benefits, does all the other stuff really matter.

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