Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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scgramma 09/22/2009

Biomom calls me up raising cain because biodad told her, He is getting gd for all the holidays. She insists she is getting kids for ALL holidays. I told her to stop talking to people that upset her.

I am very bad. I just think it's funny.

I think its amusing because I MAKE THAT DECISION, NOT THOSE 2 BIOS.
Why is it they think I am a babysitter who will automatically cater to their whims and declarations? I have been easy to get along with, and so far everyone has gotten whatever visitation they have asked for, thats why.
Newsflash: I will have the kids on holidays. They are welcome to visit, and share the holidays, unless I feel like respite during part of the holiday.
Halloween? I am taking my grands trick or treating, anyone wants to come along and play nice is welcome to join us.
Thanksgiving? Shes not even 1yo yet, her parents can share her that day too, unless we go on vacation, I did take that week off.
Her birthday in December? My plans will trump everyone elses. Its on a Friday, so Ill have her after work for cake and ice cream.
Bios can see gd Christmas morning, but shes staying put until after presents are opened, get over it. Perhaps he can have her Christmas night. Christmas Eve she will be in her bed, waiting to share Christmas morning with her brother. I will probably let her mom spend the night, if she can behave herself.GET OVER IT BIOS.

We do the work, we finance the vast majority of these kids needs, we stepped up and made a stable home for these children, we get to decide.

SaraBT 09/22/2009

Your post made me laugh, because I sometimes used to hear the same thing from my husband's daughter and her then boyfriend. We were exactly like you "WE get the kids on the holidays" and that's how it's been ever since.

Amazing, aren't they?

GMJan 09/22/2009

I sure agree with you there. If there is no court ordered visitation, we grandparents get to decide holidays. My oldest GD has court ordered days she is to go with her father and that is fine but the other GDs have no order. I am easy to work with but don't push me. My daughter, mother of the teenagers, likes to call and demand a visit but I am not afraid to say no. She threw the kids out and told them to find somewhere to live and never came to one custody hearing so she has given up any say so in these girls lives.

candsmom 09/23/2009

Bios here aren't allowed contact until they straighten up their lives and can prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Hasn't happen yet, been almost 9 yrs. We adopted so we have total say:)

We do allow the paternal bio grands to have Christmas at a time we agree upon and meet them in a town 60 miles from here. Usually in Jan. since we refuse to go to the mall just before Christmas so they can "visit" with our girls. Yeah we ended up with all the kids (there are cousins that come) while they were all shopping.

Enjoy your holidays:)

deleted_user 09/23/2009

I not only have the bios fighting over holidays, but the gpinlaws as well. I finally put an end to it and I keep gs for all holidays. If they want to see him they can make an effort some other time. If they ever get involved enuf in his life to actually be involved with him, then maybe I'd reconsider, but that isn't happening and isn't too likely to.

My son can come here if he wants his son for holiday. His sister will be home and this is where they all belong. IMO.

deleted_user 09/27/2009

Sometimes the behavior of these bios really show how they feel about the children. They can't provide a stable home for their children or we wouldn't have them. But they want them on holidays so that they look like they care. They are deluded into thinking that being there one or two days out of the year make them parents and the rest of the time the kids are on autopilot.

Stand you ground scgramma. The holidays are to be enjoyed; not to be ruined by bioparents.

SaraBT 09/27/2009

Amen, flutter!

The holidays are the times when you want the people around you who mean the most to you. And they mean the most to you precisely because they are there for you the rest of the year. The only time you want people around you who aren't, it's because they live half a world away. But they still call, e-mail, write, or stay in touch with you.

In other words, they ACT as if they love you!!! Unlike the bios, who stay in touch because it makes THEM feel better.

deleted_user 09/28/2009

Sara, that is EXACTLY what I was trying to convey to my ds when he announced he is going to try to get gs back. He realises it ain't gonna happen for a while, but he thinks he'll have him back before too long. So he is doing all the "right" things for the last month - calling more frequently, visited twice, etc.

I tried to impress on him that he was thinking of himself and not gs. To sit back and try to think of what was best for GS. It's like talking to a sponge - it all goes in, but makes about as much of an impact!

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