After an hour and a half of fighting with her over the phone, I became worn out and worn down. biomom is back in my house. I am going to take her to the store after work and make her buy a month of baby supplies, food, diapers, clothes for both kids. At least she wont be able to throw the entire check away and I wont be stuck in 2 weeks out of everything.
I need to go to an alanon meeting at 8 tonight and learn to cope. I am full of rage, resentment, and depression. I hate myself for letting her back in. I think she is BPD and she missed her therapist and psych apointment, and I feel she will never really be ready to take these kids so why doesn't she just get out of my life. I am her mother and I should be able to love her through her mental health issues, and I am too angry because she won't/cant get a job. I think I am ok with the fact she cant be a good mother. I am just pissed she wont/cant find work and HELP financially.
Maybe it's unreasonable,she only has a GED, the economy sucks and she has a misdemenor "child cruelty" charge which she did not deserve. However, she could have gotten a job last year, and that would make me more understanding. It's not my fault she waiting until the economy tanked before she realized she has to work,and as always I have to suffer for her decisions, because the kids have to have their needs met regardless of my inability to pay my bills while providing for them. I am already fighting the TANF battle, and gs is in my custody and on medicaid and health insurance. GD is on medicaid and biomom gets the check for her. I could make ends meet as long as I make her pay today. She is on housing list and will probably leave the kids when that comes through. I hope it does soon.