Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I am so sick of being put in the middle by my bio daughter and her dad, my dh.She wants to go to the grocery store, and for us to give her 28 for her rent.( First month in this apt) He wants to take her to the grocery store and do that this morning, he has dropped gs at preschool and picks him up at 1130AM. She wants gs to come to her house for his nap. DH wants to take GS home to take a nap in his bed, he is 3 years old.
She wants to argue about the nap, insisting he take one at her apt. Her apt, where GS doesnt even have a bed, he just has a toy room. She says he can sleep in her bed.
I think she needs to do it DH way, because hes the one helping her. I think gs will be too excited to be at her house and wont sleep. He has a runny nose and felt possibly warm this morning, I think its not too much to say he needs to sleep in his own bed. My GS likes a schedule, and routine. My DH likes a routine and doesnt feel the need to argue with biomom all morning about this. Basically, he says if she cant stop it, hes not going over there to pick her up. She keeps going on and on about it, says we are unreasonable, shes done nothing wrong, we are hogging her kids, blah blah ad nauseum. Even if I wanted to, I cant overrule husband, Im at work and cant take her either.
Dh solution, hes going to go drop off the 28 money order for her rent, he doesnt want to deal with biomom.
I wish those 2 could deal with this without calling me 3 times each , at work. I wish biomom would accept the fact its dh says gs is taking a nap at home. Other than the fact dh yelled at her, if we cant do this my way, then row your own #$%^ boat, you dont need my help, other than that, I think he is handling this correctly, but it takes a lot to listen to her whining, complaining, crying, arguing crap without telling her to get fried.
If I hear, Hes my child, I am his mother! One more time I will scream. Ive had him 2 years; she has bought him 10 pairs of underwear. ( when his TANF went to her one month)That is the entire extent of her support.
I know Im supposed to forgive her and work with her, shes in counseling now, and she is trying to not have hysterical fits. She hasnt cussed anyone out this week, today either. But its hard to ignore history, when she gets stuck on something she has always escalated to screaming, cursing, throwing things.
I have to get winter clothes for my GD, she has one long sleeve shirt, sleepers are too tight. She needs some jumpers, long sleeve shirts, socks, diapers, and possibly shoes to keep her feet warm. GD is congested, with runny nose. I have enough stress without this biodrama.
She wants to argue about the nap, insisting he take one at her apt. Her apt, where GS doesnt even have a bed, he just has a toy room. She says he can sleep in her bed.
I think she needs to do it DH way, because hes the one helping her. I think gs will be too excited to be at her house and wont sleep. He has a runny nose and felt possibly warm this morning, I think its not too much to say he needs to sleep in his own bed. My GS likes a schedule, and routine. My DH likes a routine and doesnt feel the need to argue with biomom all morning about this. Basically, he says if she cant stop it, hes not going over there to pick her up. She keeps going on and on about it, says we are unreasonable, shes done nothing wrong, we are hogging her kids, blah blah ad nauseum. Even if I wanted to, I cant overrule husband, Im at work and cant take her either.
Dh solution, hes going to go drop off the 28 money order for her rent, he doesnt want to deal with biomom.
I wish those 2 could deal with this without calling me 3 times each , at work. I wish biomom would accept the fact its dh says gs is taking a nap at home. Other than the fact dh yelled at her, if we cant do this my way, then row your own #$%^ boat, you dont need my help, other than that, I think he is handling this correctly, but it takes a lot to listen to her whining, complaining, crying, arguing crap without telling her to get fried.
If I hear, Hes my child, I am his mother! One more time I will scream. Ive had him 2 years; she has bought him 10 pairs of underwear. ( when his TANF went to her one month)That is the entire extent of her support.
I know Im supposed to forgive her and work with her, shes in counseling now, and she is trying to not have hysterical fits. She hasnt cussed anyone out this week, today either. But its hard to ignore history, when she gets stuck on something she has always escalated to screaming, cursing, throwing things.
I have to get winter clothes for my GD, she has one long sleeve shirt, sleepers are too tight. She needs some jumpers, long sleeve shirts, socks, diapers, and possibly shoes to keep her feet warm. GD is congested, with runny nose. I have enough stress without this biodrama.
Finally, I realized that only he can criticize his little princess, and I started to back off and let him do whatever he wanted to do. He'd buy her phones, cars, give her money for her apartment, etc. I firmly told him he could do whatever he wanted as long as he used his own personal funds. I told him I didn't care what he did, he shouldn't even share it with me unless he honestly wanted my input. Sometimes he would listen to my opinion, sometimes not. I learned to give my opinion once, and not debate it.
It took several years before he realized he was being taken for the longest ride of his life. He has now backed off his daughter entirely, because he had to realize what she is on his own.
If you have a problem with your dh and your sd as a go between tell them both out. That you don't want to be a go between and that your respect and support will always be on the side of your dh. As that is the person you promised to love and charish the day you got married.
And it sounds to me like your are being the best grandmother in the world being the best MOM
They are our kids. Not only do we have custody, but they have now lived with us longer than they lived with her. She comes to visit and still treats them as if they're babies. She tells the 10-year-old how SHE wants her hair cut. "Mommy" doesn't like bangs, the eldest wants bangs.
The eldest got bangs. 'Cause I'M Mommy now :-)
They give birth to them, virtually abandon them, then have the nerve to try to criticize our parenting of them! The haircut with or without bangs is a great example: Was the birthmom going to pay for that haircut? No, didn't think so. She just wants you to pay for it and do it her way.
When we agree to take on our grandkids, we're not supposed to also have to take on that backseat driver critiquing our choices as the caregivers. It took me almost 3 years to wise up to this. My daughter now has very short (2-3 hour) visits every week or two with my granddaughter. She doesn't have time to create chaos like she used to. The rule is easy: if she's obnoxious or neglectful of her daughter, the visit is over. Right then.