Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Bio visit

scgramma
scgramma
Mom has come and currently out with kids. I don't like when she stays overnight with her bf here so she's staying at her sisters. She is due in July , now says he has ring on layaway and they are getting married and then getting kids back. I have 5 an 7 , the 5 has lived with her before and cried so hard when mommy left as usuall. I got her calmed by 11 and will get the same drama tonight. Fianc is army so would have lawyer access to help her . On the one hand I'd like to get a life, on the other it's been 2 Years with youngest and it would be hard losing them, but the worst would be if it just lasted a few months then boom, I fear failed reunification. I fear her getting legal custody and kids having to live with her instability, if she could stay with this man that would be great, maybe she could learn to handle 3 kids,,,,
BUT I'm afraid she's borderline personality, and when this baby is born the maternal hormone injection will fade, and just like both previous times , she will be depressed and losing it within the first month. She was calling me talking about suicide when youngest was born, she doesn't think this will hPpen, she has t had a man to lean on when baby is born so maybe this time will be different? He is good to the kids, and says he wants to adopt, but so far their relationship has been rocky ,she met him about 9 months ago, and had left him about 6 times???i I want to hope...

I want to hope but don't even know what yo hope for, she needs to get it together and get her kids, or hand him his baby and step off..
deleted_user
deleted_user
That's always the thing, we want them to get their stuff together but fear what that might mean for the kids (and Us) in the long run. It sounds like maybe she is prone to postpartum depression and maybe you could encourage her or BF to mention it the doc. Being married isn't enough for her to get the kids back...she has to have herself together as well. I know in our situation just when I think things may be getting better (which scares me for all the same reasons you mentioned above) we take two steps back and usually step in dog poo on the way!
8legs
8legs
I have found that to be true as well mysteryinc My daughter cant seem to keep it together for 6 months.
daisydduck
daisydduck
Your concerns are valid. Having one child is difficult for most. Handling three takes a lot of patience and given her history, I don't see how she w handle it. You are so right that the kids would be caught in middle. Bf sounds God but relationship seems rocky. You might want to discuss w lawyer. Your case would need to be based on stability for children. She needs to understand the repercussions for kids if she fails.
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
She should have to successfully parent this new baby and prove her relationship with its father before she even gets un supervised visits with your kids in her home. I think 6 break ups in a nine month period would be enough to get a judge to order some pretty strict guidelines on getting back the children she has left for such a long time. You have a lot of very legitimate concerns that I believe a judge would take very seriously. I hope the kids aren't getting their hopes up too much with everything she is most likely telling them. She can do a lot of emotional damage. If she would happen to get them back, she will probably just undo all of your hard work and then you will get them back all broken emotionally.
scgramma
scgramma
I guess. Visit went well, gd only cried fri night and bedtime Sunday ( I don't let biomom sleep over with bf so she had to come back each morning) gs cried fri and sun night, the whole I miss mommy thing,
It irritated me when he told me mommy said she wanted to stY the night and I wouldn't let her.
A- mommy isn't married and wants bf to sleep over too
B- I told mommy to ask pawpaw and she didn't
C- kids throw a fit crying for mom to sleep in their beds when she stays over, and afterwards they don't want to sleep alone so more fits

I hate being made the bad guy and I don't even know if it helps, mom is prego, but anyway I don't feel I should pretend she's married and support sleepovers. Boyfriend/fianc is actually still married to someone else. This is. Conservative state and I'm conservative myself.
Gd wet the bed last night. First time she's done that in a looooong time. Don't know how long .
Kids were so excited to see mom, gd kept hugging and kissing moms belly and talking to unborn brother.
Anyone not raising their grands would be thinking it's all so sweet and cute, I'm just really sad and depressed. Still processing the weekend.

We did have a nice time with cookout, and everyone went swimming and enjoyed themselves overall. Husband and I snuck off and had some us time.

Oh well it's Monday and soon I'll be able to get lost in the daily routine..no word on when she will be back.
grammy22
grammy22
The bio having another child can bring up another whole can of worms for children who do not live with the bio. Mommy wants the baby but does not want me to live with her. My son's gf has 5 children, the first she did not care for from birth the others she kept for short times. the 5th DCF took from the hospital but she is trying to get her back. The others are having a hard time with mommy not living them but wanting to live with another baby.

The boys have a lot of anger issues that include attacks on the guardian grandmother resulting in injury.
daisydduck
daisydduck
Unfortunately the repercussions on the children is not acknowledged. If she gets kids and screws up again you will have a job to get them through the feelings. Stress to everyone how well children are doing in your care.
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
It's all so unfair and mentally exhausting.......we are all in positions no mother should ever have to be in & it seems like just when things seem to calm down or get a little easier, some new complication comes along and pulls the rug right out from under us again. I wish we could all meet up at a resort somewhere nice & warm & just have 4 or 5 days together.......