Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I have had full custody of my 2 grandsons ages 2 & 3 since the day they were born.I brought them home from the hospital when they were born.Neither parent has ever seen the youngest who was delivered by c-section and taken straight to icu.The mother[my daughter]has only seen the oldest 3 times in 3 years.Both children have alot of problems:both have sensory problems,the baby had a stroke either during birth or right after because of drugs[six different ones] in his system.One side of his body is shorter than the other.He had severe withdrawels for the first year including seizures.Both have asthma and have to have breathing treatments every 6 hours.
Neither parent has ever provided any kind of support for the boys,never a birthday card or present.Never any kind of Christmas gifts or anything at all for them.The father has never even called about them.My daughter calls about every day but hardly ever asks about them and when she does she says "How are your babies".She wants to talk about her 7 month old baby girl who is in foster care in ILL,whom she does visit and support and does do everything she can to get back.She sent me a "facebook"friend request and when I went to her page she only mentions the little girl as her child like the boys don't exist.On the baby's birthday a couple of weeks ago,I was busy trying to get everything ready for his party when she called me and started telling me all about her visit with the little girl,I told her that I was real busy and could she call back later that night.She said "why do you never want to talk to me,you don't care anything about your own grandchild.What is so important that you don't want to know about my baby?"I said"do you not know,do you not remember that today is your other baby's birthday?I am trying to get his party ready!" She got totally irate and started screaming at me saying that she would make sure that I never got to see the little girl and that I didn't love her or her baby.I calmly told her that she knew better than that and that I would probably never get to see the baby anyway because she would probably never get her back and hung up.
Now last night she calls and says that the father is DEMANDING that I bring the boys to him for a unsupervised visit.He didn't call me,he called her.I told her absolutely not.I have started proceding to terminate both their rights and intend to adopt the boys.The custody papers say that they both can have supervised visitation at my discretion and if it is conveinant for me in a public place not at either home.Well its not conveinent for me or the babies.I am not going to confuse them by taking them to see either of them when they don't know who they are. They think me and my husband are their parents.They do know to some extent that she is their mother they call her"belly mommy".
I can't reach my lawyer because she has closed her office for Christmas.Am I wrong?should I let him see the boys [supervised] after all this time?I feel that this is all because I refuse to put her wants above the boys needs.Neither one of them have ever cared about the boys before now.I just feel that it would be too confusing for them to take them and tell them that they are their parents when in all that matters they are not,we are and have been all the boys lives.Don't get me wrong I do love the little girl but I have never seen her and probably never will and the boys come first with me always.
Neither parent has ever provided any kind of support for the boys,never a birthday card or present.Never any kind of Christmas gifts or anything at all for them.The father has never even called about them.My daughter calls about every day but hardly ever asks about them and when she does she says "How are your babies".She wants to talk about her 7 month old baby girl who is in foster care in ILL,whom she does visit and support and does do everything she can to get back.She sent me a "facebook"friend request and when I went to her page she only mentions the little girl as her child like the boys don't exist.On the baby's birthday a couple of weeks ago,I was busy trying to get everything ready for his party when she called me and started telling me all about her visit with the little girl,I told her that I was real busy and could she call back later that night.She said "why do you never want to talk to me,you don't care anything about your own grandchild.What is so important that you don't want to know about my baby?"I said"do you not know,do you not remember that today is your other baby's birthday?I am trying to get his party ready!" She got totally irate and started screaming at me saying that she would make sure that I never got to see the little girl and that I didn't love her or her baby.I calmly told her that she knew better than that and that I would probably never get to see the baby anyway because she would probably never get her back and hung up.
Now last night she calls and says that the father is DEMANDING that I bring the boys to him for a unsupervised visit.He didn't call me,he called her.I told her absolutely not.I have started proceding to terminate both their rights and intend to adopt the boys.The custody papers say that they both can have supervised visitation at my discretion and if it is conveinant for me in a public place not at either home.Well its not conveinent for me or the babies.I am not going to confuse them by taking them to see either of them when they don't know who they are. They think me and my husband are their parents.They do know to some extent that she is their mother they call her"belly mommy".
I can't reach my lawyer because she has closed her office for Christmas.Am I wrong?should I let him see the boys [supervised] after all this time?I feel that this is all because I refuse to put her wants above the boys needs.Neither one of them have ever cared about the boys before now.I just feel that it would be too confusing for them to take them and tell them that they are their parents when in all that matters they are not,we are and have been all the boys lives.Don't get me wrong I do love the little girl but I have never seen her and probably never will and the boys come first with me always.
I don't know about TN, but in NJ if there's no contact for one year parental rights can be terminated. I'm totally with you there. Who do they think they are? IMHO they don't deserve anything but the life they've chosen.
I used to think it was best for my granddaughter to have a real bond with her birth mother (my daughter) and that they see each other regularly. Now that my granddaughter is 3 1/2 things feel different. I deeply resent my daughter coming over and playing mommy for a few hours. It confuses my granddaughter and it confuses me.
We've developed a routine, my granddaughter, my husband and me. Life is good day-to-day and then BAM my daughter drops by for a visit and we start fighting and the granddaughter gets upset and it's ugly. I now wish I had written my daughter off the day the adoption went through. She abandoned her daughter, as did the baby's father, when she was an infant. They both tried to act like they didn't have the responsibility of parents so my husband and I picked up the slack, and there's no going back.
Why do we have to hear about what the birth parents want? They want to visit and be involved so sporadically, just enough to mess with everyone's head. The other day, my daughter wanted to take my grand to the playground. We got out of the car and I told her, "Enjoy the fantasy." She's no mother. She's a flake who wants to play mommy. I just want her to go away and stay away.
My husband decided that he wants his daughter to come tomorrow (Christmas Eve) and sleep over, then we'll drive her to the bus on our way to my stepson and daughter-in-law's.
He even said he would rather pick her up at the bus today to save a trip out tomorrow. But the kids have been calling and calling and getting her voice mail. It's almost as if it isn't in her interest to call today, since she's angling to come down tomorrow. Today isn't part of her agenda.
Makes me sick. What -- is she out hooking or something? She has NEVER, even once, answered her phone when we've called, which is why I stopped calling her. But she would call back, so it wasn't as if she wasn't speaking to us.
It's almost as if she's screening her calls for some reason.
And the part about hooking? My daughter has been a stripper and she's also been on "dates with clients" --her words. She said they would pay for her to eat at fancy restaurants cuz they were rich and they wanted arm candy. Whatever.