Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

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Bio dad threatening

dianaconroy
dianaconroy
2 weeks ago we met with bio dad, whom we suspect was high at the time and informed him that moving forward he would have to make the effort of getting up to our place, which is an jour away. For the last 5 years it's been us making the effort. I have to admit that For the most part he is available although 50 percent of the time he's high. Visits have been supervised since he admitted a drug problem in 2010. Today his first scheduled visit that he was supposed to make his way up to us. He texted with a casual "what time can I expect you" we responded that we agrees he would come to us. At which point he had a fit and texted us that moving forward no more supervises visits and that he will get his own "mediator" for the visits. We have always had a pretty good relationship with him until recently his true colors are coing out. He wants his kids although he has never ha them to begin with or supported them for that matter. He's currently living with his girlfriend he met In rehab who he claims is clean. My stomach hurts at the thought of him having his kids unsupervised. We have guardianship bug aom times I'm paralyzed with fear that guardianship won't hold up in court. I know it's silly, but just in case u haven't figured it out I worry lots. Basically he wants visitation on his terms. I'll have to call our attorney on Monday. Have any of you been through this.
SaraBT
SaraBT
I haven't been through that, since we're not really in the system. But I have noticed that druggies rarely follow through on their threats. I wouldn't worry. Odds are he won't petition for unsupervised visits. And if he does, your documentation should help carry the day :-)
dianaconroy
dianaconroy
we're not in the system either. We got guardinship through probate court? Do you have guardianship through probate?
daisydduck
daisydduck
You know the old saying: the squeaky wheel gets the oil. It seems that most bios like to rattle their cages and threaten their parents who are saving their children. I think you have every right to push back and follow through with him making trip to see his kids. It's not enough that you are supporting his family, now he wants you to drive for him too? Since you have been raising children, I w/think you have a strong case to keeping the children in your care. If you have a lawyer, consider telling lawyer you want to take bio dad to court for child support. I bet if lawyer writes a letter to bio's father, he will disappear real quick and it w/never get into the courtroom. We pay these lawyers a LOT of money to tell us we have no rights.
SaraBT
SaraBT
Diana, we got what's called temporary custody through family court. In NJ "temporary" can mean "permanent," because it's next to impossible to terminate parental rights, so temporary is the next best thing. We have the kids forever, unless Pinky wants to challenge us for custody. And she knows she can't take care of them - and the longer they're with us (going on 7 years now) the less likely she'll ever get them back.
mynanny4
mynanny4
It seems so confusing to me that in each state custody and guardianship mean so many different things. Our court papers say we have "permanent legal custody". The judge says we will have them until they are "the age of majority" or out of school. I am told the parents have to proof us unfit and themselves capable of raising the children before they can ever get them back (I don't think that will ever happen). I have had people ask if I am a guardian and I tell them I have legal cutody and they said "you are the legal guardian". What is the difference? All very confusing.......all I know is the kids are safe now and in a permanent home.
SaraBT
SaraBT
I found this article, which explains it better than I'd ever read before:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/159371-what-is-the-difference-between-child-custody-guardianship/
mommagain
mommagain
Our papers say temp. However it was explained to us by the judge that...

In the case of my GS that both parents willing signed because they couldn't take care of him not due to drugs.

IF either wanted to regain custody they would have to petition the court, and if WE did not contest it and they could prove to the judge that they could provide for him and had suitable housing and child care he would grant it... IF we contested it THEY would have to hire their own attorney and we would be appointed one. They would FIRST have to prove us unfit, SECOND prove they could provide for him and THIRD prove they have maintained a good relationship with him.

In the case of BG that DFS contacted us to take custody of her because of drugs... according to the order bio has to complete a min. 12 month IN patent drug treatment, have a min 6 months out patent treatment 6 months of clean random drug test, have a job and stable home for 12 months BEFORE she can EVEN file for custody of her. and the longer she waits to file the less likely it is she will regain custody.

so far two and a half years later she had made 0 effort.