Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Pinky's re-entry into the grandchildrens' lives has surely been a mixed blessing.
On one hand, I get two full days (Friday and Saturday) child-free. This means I get one day where I don't have to wake up at 5am to get the eldest to her bus -- at 6:30!!!!
On the other hand, Pinky thinks she owns our house when she's here. She drops hints about how I should run the house, and she is a whirlwind of activity, doing the kids' laundry, giving them showers, and yapping at them the entire time. My husband is getting aggravated and he isn't even around much on weekends, because he works.
Now she wants to come to parent-teacher conferences with me!!!! On one hand, it shows she's interested. On the other, it shows that she wants to be the boss. But she and Lover Boy still haven't made a single move toward getting married, moving to our town, yada-yada.
And if I say anything about the way I feel, I'm "being mean to her all the time." No, I don't want her at parent-teacher conferences. (A), because the less I have to interact with her, the better and (B) because she doesn't do homework with them except on Thursday evenings. On weekends she watches movies with them and yaps at them.
She dresses like a slut, so I'm embarrassed to go anywhere with her. She has the WORST Philly accent I've ever heard. "Hey, Bud, do youse have a light for my smoke because I have a bum hand?" (She has actually said that. She has carpal tunnel now and then).
To complain I seem like an ingrate. At least I have help with the laundry and babysitting. But even her brother notices that Pinky is trying to take over. Pinky tells me to buy long-sleeved tops for the kids - like I don't know that already after SIX YEARS of raising her kids. She calls in a panic because the eldest granddaughter left her eyeglasses in Lover Boy's car. Said granddaughter should have another pair, but she can't find them. Oh, well. But Pinky is totally freaked out and wants to drive the glasses an hour back to our house.
I know I'm whining, but at least I know this is a safe place to do it. :-) Thanks for "listening."
On one hand, I get two full days (Friday and Saturday) child-free. This means I get one day where I don't have to wake up at 5am to get the eldest to her bus -- at 6:30!!!!
On the other hand, Pinky thinks she owns our house when she's here. She drops hints about how I should run the house, and she is a whirlwind of activity, doing the kids' laundry, giving them showers, and yapping at them the entire time. My husband is getting aggravated and he isn't even around much on weekends, because he works.
Now she wants to come to parent-teacher conferences with me!!!! On one hand, it shows she's interested. On the other, it shows that she wants to be the boss. But she and Lover Boy still haven't made a single move toward getting married, moving to our town, yada-yada.
And if I say anything about the way I feel, I'm "being mean to her all the time." No, I don't want her at parent-teacher conferences. (A), because the less I have to interact with her, the better and (B) because she doesn't do homework with them except on Thursday evenings. On weekends she watches movies with them and yaps at them.
She dresses like a slut, so I'm embarrassed to go anywhere with her. She has the WORST Philly accent I've ever heard. "Hey, Bud, do youse have a light for my smoke because I have a bum hand?" (She has actually said that. She has carpal tunnel now and then).
To complain I seem like an ingrate. At least I have help with the laundry and babysitting. But even her brother notices that Pinky is trying to take over. Pinky tells me to buy long-sleeved tops for the kids - like I don't know that already after SIX YEARS of raising her kids. She calls in a panic because the eldest granddaughter left her eyeglasses in Lover Boy's car. Said granddaughter should have another pair, but she can't find them. Oh, well. But Pinky is totally freaked out and wants to drive the glasses an hour back to our house.
I know I'm whining, but at least I know this is a safe place to do it. :-) Thanks for "listening."
If on the other hand, there is no chance at all that the kids will be with her full-time, ever. Then I would lay down some ground rules. But even then it sounds like you will have to deal with her often and so it might just be that you have to come to terms and accept the things about her that annoy you.
She can't get a job, she's going to get her GED "next week" along with getting married, getting a car so she can drive herself to our house, buying a house in our town, etc. etc. It's been more than a year and not one goal has been achieved. Oh -- they do have wedding rings on layaway, and that's what's holding everything up. HAHAHA!
My husband and I don't know Lover Boy any better now than when we first met him. We keep wanting to schedule a talk with him, but with my husband and L.B. working weekends, it's been difficult. And I guess we're not real enthused about it. He's EXTREMELY quiet and still calls me "Mrs."!!!!!
On one hand I would love it if Pinky got her kids back. But on the other hand I know it would be the worst thing for everyone. She has no clue how to be a parent. No clue at all. And I have no idea what he's all about. But if I tell her she can't come to P-T conferences she'll start whining again about how I hate her and talk mean to her "all the time."
This one's going to require some creative thought! LOL
WOW, I don't know what to say... As you said, this is going to take some creative thinking... and that my dear, is what I will do before I answer your post... Be back in a bit...LOL
If they turn out badly under our care we'll feel awful. We'd feel worse if we turned them over to Pinky and L.B. and they went off the rails.
A no-win situation, I think....
Since she has no car can you come up with a plan so that you are NOT able to get her there for conferences? Otherwise I would contact the teacher before hand and let her know that Pinky is going to attend and you feel it is to undermine you. I've had this situation before...so when mom and grandma came in I was very warm with both of them but basically directed the discussion to grandma. If mom asked a question I would say -as grandma knows he struggles with blah blah- point made-
I don't know if your kids teacher will be that accommodating but I suspect she will try. Believe me, the teacher has probably seen way worse than Pinky! A good teacher understands how home affects school and a power struggle between caretakers is not good for a kid so hopefully shell support you the best she can.
Ps-your imitation of her made me laugh out loud!
I think her accent helps to make her irritate me even more. All I hear all day long is "sit daaaaaaln! Naaaaaaaw!" and "Oh, I SEEN that once!" And the worst: "You're my dorter!" Aaaarrrghhh!
I've told Pinky not to share her fantasies with the kids, but every other phrase out of her mouth is "when you're living with me next year." I think the kids suspect that it isn't going to happen, and I really suspect they're relieved that they won't have to make a choice -- at least not for a while.