Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Bedtime

scgramma
scgramma
Had boy for 6 years , he's 7. , had 4 year old girl off and on . Consistently had for over a year . They have separate rooms, girl has bunk beds. They were sleeping in their own rooms.. Then mommy came for a visit and they cry to sleep with her so I let them pile up in girls bottom bunk, full size bed. Mom has left and they both cry and throw fits if separated at bedtime. I have allowed them to share bottom bed for months, unless they don't go straight to bed.
Do I just ccntinie to let them? They go to sleep pretty fast. Just seems weird to me I guess, and I wouldn't want them telling someone they sleep together. Girl says shes scared to sleep alone. Boy just doesn't want to . I've made him sleep in top bed a couple times, but he cries or pouts when I do that, so at this point only do that if they are playing or kicking each other at bedtime.....to break them last time I used star stickers for the girl when she would sleep alone and that did work until mommy showed up again and now they are back to it.
Do I ignore this or should I be trying to change it?
scgramma
scgramma
They both seem to have some separation anxiety issues as well . Fear of the dark , I have a low lamp in girls room and night light in boys room. Bathroom light has to stay on or they won't go in there. . They are both perfectly happy sleeping in boys room as he has full size bed also, so I don't honk it's about the lighting . Just seems to be based on seperation anxiety. Neither can be left alone in the house , they are ok if in the house together, and we are on porch, as lonv as they can come out and check in us occassionally.the boy wouldn't go in yard by himself until about 5.it didn't matter what he was doing , if you went back inside for a drink he ran to follow. He doesn't mind that now. And there's no issues with them getting on separate buses and going to different schools.
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I can't remember for sure......is there any chance of sexual abuse with the little girl before you got her? If so, I wouldn't allow them to sleep together for fear of acting out things that have happened in the past. If not, it seems they are young enough that it should still be okay. I certainly understand them wanting the security of each other's company, though. I think most kids want to sleep with someone. I guess you just have to decide what is the appropriate age to make them sleep apart.
scgramma
scgramma
Haven't seen any signs of abuse , she's been with me off and on since birth, lived with mom probably 18 months total over last 4.75 years. Believe me I've been watching for that. My daughter was molested at 4 years by 14 year old cousin And mom has live on boyfriends.
So no signs of them being inappropriate , just worries me so I feel they should be in separate rooms. We have an open door policy on all rooms though .you want privacy in this house better go to bathroom, which is where he changes.
gagagrandma
gagagrandma
although getting advise from grandparents who have same or similar experiences and offer loving and good advise is good to do, what you should do is consult with a child therapist to determine what if any diagnosis can be or needs to be determined from their behaviors. This way the choices and decisions you make for your grandchildren are made with professional interventions. When and if your daughter decides to visit and kids want to sleep with her again, you will know what is the right and professional response for all concerned.
daisydduck
daisydduck
I agree with both of previous posts. The one thing I would suggest is to not do anything drastic. GMa's correct about the security they feel and you don't want to break that. Make sure to take precautions. Always leave the door open. Check on them throughout the night and work towards them sleeping in their own beds and eventually in their own rooms. A therapist is a wise choice. If you're up to it, could you talk boy into sleeping in his bed and you sleep in lower bed with girl? Assure him you are right there. Tell him its a "girl" thing. At this point anything that works to encourage them to seek their own place. Good luck.