Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

At Last people I can talk to about my situation

tlmack4367
tlmack4367
Hello all, my name is Tracey and I have been looking for a support group for 3 weeks now and I finally found you guys. My Employee Assistant Program at work referred me to this website. It is so refreshing to be able to hear that I am not alone.. I have been needing to just talk about it without being judged. I've had my granddaughter for almost a year now (since Oct 2011) and she is two years old. The last 10 months have been a rollercoaster for me. I care for her by myself. I work full-time and I take her to Toddler School m-f. I feel so bad leaving her there from 7:30a to 5:30p. But she is learning so much there so that makes up for the guilt. Her parents (my daughter and her ex-boyfriend) are alcohol and drug abusers. I knew when my dd announced that she was pregnant that she wasn't capable of being anyone's mother. But here I am trying to do my best. My family is not very supportive, except my mother (but she is 79 yrs old and can barely see or get around). She wants to help but she can't do much. The paternal grandmother starting helping in June; she picks up my GD every other weekend. Anyhow, she's growing up, she's potty training, learning to dress herself and I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel:) I wish I had found you guys 10 months ago when I was really having a terrible time. Thank you for being here now and God bless:)
Tracey
mommagain
mommagain
Welcome to the group Tracey...

This is a wonderful group of ladies always ready to listen and advise...

If you would like to know a little bit about each of us here search discussion "catchup" this is a post we have all up info about our situation so that others can refer back to it.
SaraBT
SaraBT
I'll add a hearty welcome, too!

When we first got our three grandchildren I found another site. Everyone there kept insisting that I would love raising the three (even though I was clear that I'd never wanted kids), and that if I had negative feelings they implied that something was wrong with me.

I don't believe in burying negative feelings, because they don't go anywhere. They just remain and fester. This site was a godsend!!!!! Whenever we're feeling down we can whine and moan and vent all we like, and everybody else knows that we've been there, done that, too LOL.

And we know that somehow we'll get through the nasty feelings and become our regular sweet selves ('til the next time the bios make us crazy, that is :-)

MAJOR EPIPHANY!!!!

Notice that it's very, very rarely the kids who make us crazy!!! I just realized that. Here I am a virtual prisoner with three sloppy, noisy, demanding kids -- kids that I never wanted -- and the one who makes me want to scream is their alleged mother.

See? Coming on here I just made myself feel better. HAHAHAHAHA!
tlmack4367
tlmack4367
THANK YOU. Wow you're raising 2 little ones. God bless you:) And you volunteered to keep them. I volunteered when CPS called and asked me if I wanted GD to be placed with me. It feels like I was forced into this because I did not want to raise another child, but I didn't want to see her go to strangers in Foster Care.
tlmack4367
tlmack4367
Thank you Sara:) Wow 3 grandchildren and I thought I had problems with 1. I know you need to vent! Feel free anytime. LoL!
SaraBT
SaraBT
I think three is the worst!
As my old boss, who went on to have four, said "with three, there's always one behind you. The fourth evened everything out again."
It's so true. That third (whichever one it is) just doesn't know what to do with him/herself.
And nobody wants to babysit three, either. Usually because they already have three of their own. YIKES!
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I suffered with the guilt of taking my GS to daycare when he was not quite 2 years old as well. I got to be a stay-at-home mom when mine were little. But then I thought about how much better off he was being in daycare with other kids his age & learning & playing than he was at home with my heroin addicted son and the heroin addicted mom. Here we are over 3 years later & he has THRIVED in daycare and preschool and has now started kindergarten as a very well-adjusted, smart little boy. I don't feel the least bit guilty anymore. Welcome to the group!
SaraBT
SaraBT
GMa, you said it. I think it's far better for our grandchildren to be in a structured daycare than sitting around watching TV in dirty diapers while the bios do god-knows-what. At least when they come home to us they're with someone who actually wants them (well....HAHAHA).
nutsandbolts
nutsandbolts
My GS (son) has been going to DC since he was 6 weeks old. I hate the germ factor, but love what he is learning. I was a stay at home mom when my children were growing up. I do work from home, but talking him to DC allows my home to become the work place needed for me to do my job. It also gives me eight hours without noise! the DC I have is helping me potty train him, he can count to 20 and knows the ABC's up to the letter H... He's only 2 1/2 !
NannaKMS
NannaKMS
Welcome Tracey, my boyfriend and i have had my gs since he was a year old also. He is 4 now and i put him right in daycare too, he learned so much so fast. When we got him he was neglected from my daughter, drug addict, he would just stare into space for long periods of time and wasn't walking yet or talking. He made leaps and bounds in daycare and i knew it was the right thing for him, my daughter left him in his crib or playpen for hours crying etc. My kids went to daycare too and i did feel guilty then but with gs i didn't i think because i knew he was getting what he needed and was certainly getting much more then my daughter had been giving him. This is a great site to get ideas to vent etc., glad you found it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Welcome! This a wonderful place to come to vent, ask advise and not feel judged. I have had my grands for 3 months now. So I am new to being a full time parent again. Found this site with in the first couple of weeks and it has been a life saver!

Welcome!
GMJan
GMJan
Welcome, it is nice to talk to others who have been there. My case is a little different, as I have 2 girls with me and the younger ones mother is back with us after prison. Not a perfect but still clean after a year. She is not capable of raising her daughter but she is active in her life.
daisydduck
daisydduck
Hey, look at it this way....look what you have accomplished in the past 10 months! Welcome.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We all are right there with you. I got my Grand daughter when she was 7 weeks old. I knew when Brie was pregnant that she couldn't do it. She is Bi-polar. It does get easier. I wish that my sweet Winnie was ready for preschool or daycare but she was so abused. I am just not comfortable doing it. I am lucky in the fact that I have a wonderful husband who supports my decision to raise her. So major kudos to you. I can not imagine doing it alone. Know that you are a strong and brave woman to take this on. It really takes a special kind of person to do this. I think that we have all earned our places in heaven. This is one hell of an undertaking at our ages!
tlmack4367
tlmack4367
Thank you all for your responses. I feel better already:)
dianaconroy
dianaconroy
Welcome Tracey. I understand the guilt factor and believe me the care we provide is so much better then any of the bios would be capable of providing. I'm sure you're little one is enjoying daycare.I took my 3 year old to full time daycare today for the first time, he's going from 8 to 2:30, I felt guilty as well, But when I picked him up he seemed so happy. ONce in a while I'll plan on a surprise pick up and spending the day with him. I have to say that I'm a much better parent when I don't have to deal with kiddos all day.