Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
As many of you know. My husband and I have been in court since August, with my step-daughter. We've been raising her kids since birth, they are now 4.5 and 2.5, they've never lived with her, but yet she gets all the support from the state. And of course there's some controlled drug use, not to mention the ex-convict she's been living with, whom she is now breaking up with (according to her). For the last 4.5 years we drive the kids every weekend to see mom, and/or dad. Every weekend has been about getting the kids to the bios for a visit, both of which live about 1 hour away. They have NEVER made any attempt to get their asses over to our place. In December we were awarded temporary guardianship, and th judge ordered supervisied visits with Mom. Dad was in rehab from December of last year until August of this year, and again is doing drugs. But still my husband and I drive the kids to see him every other Saturday. During our last visit with him, we told him that for the following two weeks we had plans (mind you first time in 4.5 years we do this), and that we wouldn't be able to pick him up for a visit with the kids. He's been blowing up my husbands phone with text messages every since. Tonight he cussed at my husband. Accused him of trying to keep the kids from him, and said that he was taking legal action to make sure this does not continue to happen. I know this shouldn't scare me. But it does. Since this whole process started he's been a no show in court. If she shows up with an attorney we could start the process all over, he'll need to be investigated, etc, etc. Facts are facts I know, but what if his family shows up to court with him and saids they'll help him with the kids? The kids have spent at the very most a few holidays here and there with his family. I'm always afraid of how a judge will react to a father that wants to be a part of his kids lives.
I understand the fear of not wanting to rock the boat, I lived it for a year and it would have gone on longer if my daughter had not threatened to take GD away when off her medications.However by this point I think the judge would see right through any attempt to "re-claim" the kids by a dad who doesn't even have the means to be involved in their lives without the grandparents(you) doing all the work.
I have gotten to the point where I am going to make the bios follow the custody papers they signed. They must CALL in advance and set up visitation, messaging on facebook is not enough. They must provide their own transportation and the visits are supervised at our home. Mom gets 2 sundays per month, dad gets one saturday.
Any of these sound like they might help? Hang in there!!
Bio dad has also tried to get unsupervised visits with his family, the judge nixed those also. He told all of us in court that the kids were too young for that, and they had enough turmoil in their lives, any visits would have to wait until gs was older.
Have you kept a log of visitations? I would keep the text messages too (I'm sure some of them weren't nice) just in case. Does he pay support? All these are negatives the judge will look at.
And, the best, as long as he's still doing drugs, he's gonna be afraid to go before a judge. Good luck!
I, too, know that feeling of not wanting to rock the boat. Diana, you said it so well:
"Accused him of trying to keep the kids from him, and said that he was taking legal action to make sure this does not continue to happen. I know this shouldn't scare me. But it does."
While Pinky was raging about taking us to court for visitation, then full custody, I knew it shouldn't scare me, either. But I have so little trust in the court system that it wouldn't surprise me to have all three kids yanked from the only home they've known, just because she accidentally got pregnant three times. I also know that she would have to take us to court in our state, not hers -- and I think our judges aren't the soft. bleeding heart whackos you find in bigger cities. I'd bet (kinda sorta) that we would win in a heartbeat. In addition to ruling in Pinky's favor, the judge would also have to rule that the kids leave the state. I'm not so sure they're eager to do that. But who knows?
I don't think it affects visitation - for some reason the bios don't have to do their part just to see the kids. However, in many states, they have to pay retroactive child support before they can even think about getting custody. And if we've had the kids for many years, that could be an awful lot of money.