Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Long story, sorry...
I got my grandson from dss in oct.(father abused him, now in jail) ddmom(18yo) was preg again and "engaged" . She continues to live here. In order to get her son back she was supposed to get a job. She ended up on permanent bed rest. She strengthened her bond with her son. I hoped she was going to marry and take her children. I helped her through the pregnancy, I took her to appointments. She had premature rupture of membranes. I watched Baby Daniel born in Jan.I loved him. He only lived 2 days due to immature lungs. I am not over the grief, although I know it's insane to have wanted another baby whom I most likely would end up supporting. Last month I got laid off. Although I am searching hard for a job, I havent found one yet. NOW SHE IS PREG AGAIN!
I cannot do this again, I cannot put my life on hold another year to support an ingrateful, lazy, mother who apparently doesn't care enough to complete getting her firstborn back enough to use a damned condom! Why is unprotected sex more important to her than working to get her son back? He has developed a better bond with her. He is looking to her as his mommy. That was the point of her living here!
Now I get to be the horrible person by kicking her out, but I can't go through another pregnancy with her. It's too much, too much pain, too much stress. I have to yell and threaten to get her to do any housework whatsoever. Not to mention I have to pay for everything. I have refused to buy her anything, I tell her to get a job. She yells at me for not BUYING HER CLOTHES!! I buy everything my grandson needs!She has never bought diapers, formula, clothing, toys, furniture,ect for my grandson.I have to pay 120 weekly for daycare as dss wont let her have unsupervised visitation yet!
Do I kick her out? What is best for my grandson? He is only 20 months old, and lived from 1 month old to 13 months old in foster care. I feel like he had to loose a foster mom already, I don't want him to lose his mommy. When I got him in October, he was bonded to me more than her, but now he does go to to her than most of the time.
She is still "engaged" Supposedly she is going to marry in july, but he(25yo) lives with his parents and cant keep a job more than 2 months in a row. He makes less than 9 an hour, she is minimum wage when she will work.
Is there any chance she is going to raise her own son or am I delusional??????????
I got my grandson from dss in oct.(father abused him, now in jail) ddmom(18yo) was preg again and "engaged" . She continues to live here. In order to get her son back she was supposed to get a job. She ended up on permanent bed rest. She strengthened her bond with her son. I hoped she was going to marry and take her children. I helped her through the pregnancy, I took her to appointments. She had premature rupture of membranes. I watched Baby Daniel born in Jan.I loved him. He only lived 2 days due to immature lungs. I am not over the grief, although I know it's insane to have wanted another baby whom I most likely would end up supporting. Last month I got laid off. Although I am searching hard for a job, I havent found one yet. NOW SHE IS PREG AGAIN!
I cannot do this again, I cannot put my life on hold another year to support an ingrateful, lazy, mother who apparently doesn't care enough to complete getting her firstborn back enough to use a damned condom! Why is unprotected sex more important to her than working to get her son back? He has developed a better bond with her. He is looking to her as his mommy. That was the point of her living here!
Now I get to be the horrible person by kicking her out, but I can't go through another pregnancy with her. It's too much, too much pain, too much stress. I have to yell and threaten to get her to do any housework whatsoever. Not to mention I have to pay for everything. I have refused to buy her anything, I tell her to get a job. She yells at me for not BUYING HER CLOTHES!! I buy everything my grandson needs!She has never bought diapers, formula, clothing, toys, furniture,ect for my grandson.I have to pay 120 weekly for daycare as dss wont let her have unsupervised visitation yet!
Do I kick her out? What is best for my grandson? He is only 20 months old, and lived from 1 month old to 13 months old in foster care. I feel like he had to loose a foster mom already, I don't want him to lose his mommy. When I got him in October, he was bonded to me more than her, but now he does go to to her than most of the time.
She is still "engaged" Supposedly she is going to marry in july, but he(25yo) lives with his parents and cant keep a job more than 2 months in a row. He makes less than 9 an hour, she is minimum wage when she will work.
Is there any chance she is going to raise her own son or am I delusional??????????
Why did she lose the right to have unsupervised visitation? I think you have to follow your gut instinct on this, you know your daughter the best & you know deep down if she's ever going to change or not. If it was me, and I didn't think she was going to stick around for her son, if I thought the baby was only going to be left & disappointed again, I'd probably make her leave now. At 20 months old, he's still young enough that he won't be hurt as deeply as he will be in another 6 months or so. My granddaughter knows no life other than me & dh being "mommy & daddy", and she's happy. My grandson was traumatized, and after more than a year, is just now adjusting & getting used to the fact that mommy isn't around, and he can't count on her being there for him when he wants her. I can't think of too many things that are worse than holding a baby who's screaming & crying for his mommy, trying to comfort him & explain that you love him, but his mommy isn't here.
If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have my s/d move back into the house a 2nd time. I would've known that she would just move out again as soon as she found a new guy. She puts the guys she meets ahead of her children, another thing that I just don't understand. It's hard to believe that any of them are going to change & be the parents we'd love to see them be. But I say this after being here for a year & talking to others who are in the exact same boat as I am. I'm sure there are women out there somewhere who actually change for their kids.,,.I just haven't met them yet.
She feels the lose for the one baby and is trying to replace it with another, or maybe she liked the free ride with bed rest etc....with it. I think you need to tell her she has like 2 weeks to find a job and then give her so long to get a place. More then likely they will not end up getting married.
But for now you just need to think about you and your grand child.
In the long run this little guy is going to be hurt by her ways.
I know it is hard, but be strong and do what you feel needs to be done.
She lost the first baby to dss when she left him for half an hour with HIS father (whom she "planned" to marry and get an apartment with) while she went to get dinner. The father slapped the 5 week old supposedly for crying. He's in prison until november. She was supposed to prove she can be responsible for a baby by getting a job. Then Dss would consider unsupervised visitation. She hasn't worked more than a month since 2006.