KSLady, you're so right!

When I was working in a company that did retirement planning, 4.9 million grandparents were raising their grandchildren (2009). That number is now 7 million.

http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/cb12-ff17.html

Our three grandkids (technically my step-grandkids) have several classmates who are being raised by their grandparents.

I think the saddest thing of all was when we went to court to get custody. It was nothing more than a routine! "Why do you want to raise your grandchildren?" (The reason was always drugs). "Custody awarded to grandparents/aunts/sisters/etc. Next." Each hearing took about five minutes and not one bio was present while we were there.

The basic answer is that over 70% of bio moms are substance abusers who are incapable of raising their children. Overall, 7% are custodial and will raise the children to adulthood. Percentages are variable to demographics, economics and substance abuse. I have been told that about 1/3 are being raised with parent in the home, although indications are this number is growing due to the economy. The second third are temporarily caring for gc while parent(s) get on their feet and the remaining third are in it for the long haul. Records since 1990, both in census numbers and independent studies reflect a high growth of grandparents parenting their grandchildren. Special needs in the grandchildren ranging from birth defects due to mothers on drugs to attachment disorders because they have not formed that most important bond. Resoundingly on this website, as with other sources I use, the grandparents are giving unconditional love to their grandchildren and are educating themselves as to the needs of the children. Educators have had a long road to understanding the needs of the children and the grandparents. In 1990, the Census counted about 2.5/3 million children being raised in grandparent headed households. In 2000 it grew to five million and 2010 saw seven million. Grandparents have always aided parents in the raising of the children and I believe that is why grandparents are not easily accepted. However, the total parenting role we take on is phenomenal. I have a concern as to the effects of these problems on the grandchildren as they grow into adulthood. Thanks for bringing up some very interesting insight.

My biggest issue is the lack of support for grandparents raising our grandchildren - while the bios continue to get all of the goodies. That frosts me no end!

I have to say that I am not one to turn to the government to meet my every need. However, when Pinky gets cash, food stamps, housing, full cadillac healthcare and even a "furniture subsidy" - there is something very, very wrong with the welfare system. In many cases the grandparents who are raising the kids don't quality for anything.

We were fortunate that our state covers the kids' healthcare. My husband and I aren't proud of that, but with coverage running about $2400/month for a family of five before AND after Obamacare, there's little choice. But Pinky? If she has a hangnail it's covered. Makes me want to puke.

Sara,

I believe the only way we can change legislative support for grans is change or create the laws we need to. You know I have been working on this for some time and while some changes have been made, we need so much more. The states hold the rights on custody so we may each have different situations. Now that I have finished school, I am hoping to work on our state representatives to gain support. One obstacle I have found is that they always look at the 20% on welfare and state there is a plan for grans but they neglect to include the middle class grans who are using their life savings and retirement funds to raise the grandchildren. I am working on starting a blog site to direct efforts towards this. Let's keep this subject open.

Great idea!

Don't laugh, but I also think that we need to consider "forced" residential schools for children whose parents won't take care of them. From September - June they would live at the school. In summer? I have no idea, maybe go to granny's, but if nothing else they would get educated.

I bet that as expensive as this would be, it would be cheaper than what we're spending on countless rehabs and benefits for "Mommy" who never gets better.

I think issue of aid given bio mom, it is based on her needs and has nothing to do with children. Each state sets custody and entitlements. You should not feel badly about accepting healthcareor any other benefit you may qualify for.

kslady43
you are right. This is something that is becoming too common. Since i insist that my stepson be involved with the children in school I don't get to interact with other parents. My grandkids tell me of friends of theirs that live with grandma and grandpa. I don't know why this suprises me but it still does. I used to think it was the way that generation was raised boy did I eat my words. Young adults that come from all walks of life are opting to not raise their children and let mom and dad do it. I also have the same questions . Why? Why are they so quick to make this decision. does it seem to them that having the the children in their lives is a bother. i too need answers. It seems unfair to children that they are being raised by grandparents and not their parents. What happened to the times that grandparents were able to spoil their grandchildren and send them back to mom. I will do my part in informing those grandparents in our area of this wonderful group. A lot of grand parents out there feel that they are all alone.

PBaeza, the overwhelming reason that we have our grandkids is substance abuse of one kind or another. Then comes mental illness, then parent in jail.

http://womenshealth.gov/aging/caregiving/raising-children-again.html

Who knows why they turned to drugs or alcohol in the first place? But they did, and here we are. :-(

I don't wan to sound as If I am defending my ex daughter in law but in her case it wasn't drug abuse or alcohol. She has had mental issues from the beginning of the marriage and even before my stepson and her met. If the issue of drugs or alcohol is her problem now it started after she left our son.

The drugs change brain mapping and create mental illness issues. Mental illness creates the need to self medicate with alcohol and/or illegal drugs. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Back when our country decided we had no money for mental illness and most patients were released into our communities drug use, homeless and all that comes with it increased. Back in the late 50 and early 60's electric shock therapy was a new wonderful method to remove the bad out of the brain and keep the good! Suddenly they realized this method didnt work.
Drugs such as valium and other meds were introduces as the new wave for treating what ailed you. so we had a bunch of walking zombies. Suddenly they realized this method didnt work.
The mentally ill became victims of our country, they went to the illegal manufactured drugs for relief. It is cheaper and still is they could consume whenever they pleased. In other words where our country fails the drug cartel is willing to step in.
We as a country have been putting a band-aid on mental health for years. Bottom line is, we have a lot of chemicals in our food source, we have a lot of dysfunctional families due to mental illness and until the mental illness is addressed along with the poisoning of our food source for bigger crops, animals and dairy for the sake of the dollar, we will continue to see this growth .

I truly believe we will not be alive to see the changes, I do believe the assistance we are giving our GC by raising them, will allow them to feel and stand up and sayI dont want my children to feel a banded like I did when I was young. The country is starting to fix the food supply with organic growing. Mental illness is just starting to come into the picture. Id love to see the professionals stop making up new diagnosis for old problems and just deal with the issues. Stop giving Johnny meds just because he isnt behaving (children are to be seen not heard is wrong) IMPO we need to learn how to feel again and we need to teach coping skills not med skills for those feelings. Choices and Consequences has always been the rule of life.

Wow, there are lots of good points being made here.

DasiyDuck I am with you, if we don't advocate for our "Grandfamilies" our families will fall apart, due to lack of support or funds. I urge everyone to connect with grandparent groups in your state. If there isn't one in your area, think about starting one.

I never thought I would be the sort to start a support group, but I did. Now we have nine group meetings a month and we have connected with another group that has legislative connections and this year, we got a $75 stipend for grandparents who are not receiving other state funds (like foster care payments or SSI for the kids). It is not much but it is a start.

The next battle is with the mental health system, wish us all luck with that!

Good point on medicating kids. way too many on meds. We hhave become s society of take a pill and problem is solved. I believe the mental health codes were changed in 1980's, not because of money but to give the mentallt ill "rights". Asylums were clsed and the mentally ill were put on the street to fend for themselves. Reseach brought medications to treat symptoms, but patients didnt like the way they felt on meds, especially bipolar because they lost the "high" which was excillarating to them and refused to take them. I worked sixyears on psych unit where patients admitted themselves because they were overwheimed. They w get back on mexs,feel better and be discharged, only to stop meds and eventually return to hospial for help. The vast majority of homeless are mentally ill. And the laws give them the right to refuse treatment. Btw electric shock treatments are still used though very different from the past. They do help some. We have seen school shootings where the shooter is mentally ill.

Nuts and Daisy, you're both SO right!

Walk into the doctor's office and they're too busy to really discuss anything. So the prescription pad comes out before you've even said "hello."

Everyone kept telling me we should medicate our youngest grandchild, because he tested right on the border of ADD (no HD). I told them absolutely not. He doesn't have a severe case - he's just FIDGETY.

Sure enough, he's doing much, much better this year - all As and Bs. He'll never be a Hemingway, but he's excellent in math and science so he'll find his way eventually.

Sara, Youre so right!
It took me a few doctors to find the correct fit for the kids. The Pediatrician we have had for awhile, I came right out and told her on our first visit. if you don't have time to hear my concerns or explain your reasoning to me, then let me know now, cause I'm an older parent and a lot has changed and I don't have time to guess. I'll never forget her look, but I think I was so flustered with everything I was dealing with at the time, she saw I was done.. stick a fork in me!
I feel we do have respect for each other as parent and physician roles being equal.