Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I guess it really went well considering. We are used to ddmom coming to vistit for a week at a time. Just had her here from the 1th until yesterday so the grands could be together at my house for Christmas. yesterday we had to take her home. Grandson(4, been with me since 1) cried when we talked about taking her home, cried when we drove her to her home, cried when we left her house. fell asleep in the car on the way home. cried for Mommy when I put him to bed. he should be used to her visits, and not staying. He wanted to stay a couple days at her house, but he had to start back to 4k today, and speech is on mondays, not to mention it costs us 50$ in gas to drive down there each trip.
I wish somehow we could get this straightened out. But although she has custody of his 2yo sister, I don't know how we are ever going to get a judge to want her to have custody of GS, with no job, low income housing, and no discernable income. Now she's talking about Job Corps. Cool. Nice. What about a 4 yo who has been on layaway for 3 years? And why do I even think about it anymore? I doubt he will want to live with her and without us when the time comes, but what is best for him anyway? Sure she's inconsistent, undisciplined, cant get along with us even after I allowed her to move in several times, doesnt keep house ,serves meals at random, lives in the ghetto, and consistently has to worry how she will get the lights paid for. But they love each other. As it is I pay for his sisters clothes. I am willing to provide that stuff for them both. I wish somehow we could make this work without all the unneccessary pain. I guess sometimes Love just isn't enough. Kids need physical support and some form of normalcy. Why cant she figure out how to get a job and raise her kids? There are millions who have done it...........
Will I end up with an angry young man who wants to know why he didnt live with mommy, or an angry young man who wants to know why gramma didnt keep him?
I wish somehow we could get this straightened out. But although she has custody of his 2yo sister, I don't know how we are ever going to get a judge to want her to have custody of GS, with no job, low income housing, and no discernable income. Now she's talking about Job Corps. Cool. Nice. What about a 4 yo who has been on layaway for 3 years? And why do I even think about it anymore? I doubt he will want to live with her and without us when the time comes, but what is best for him anyway? Sure she's inconsistent, undisciplined, cant get along with us even after I allowed her to move in several times, doesnt keep house ,serves meals at random, lives in the ghetto, and consistently has to worry how she will get the lights paid for. But they love each other. As it is I pay for his sisters clothes. I am willing to provide that stuff for them both. I wish somehow we could make this work without all the unneccessary pain. I guess sometimes Love just isn't enough. Kids need physical support and some form of normalcy. Why cant she figure out how to get a job and raise her kids? There are millions who have done it...........
Will I end up with an angry young man who wants to know why he didnt live with mommy, or an angry young man who wants to know why gramma didnt keep him?
GMaWilli
I know EXACTLY how you feel, w/o the baby sister in the mix (at least not yet). Being "on layaway" is a sad but realistic description of how many of these kids are treated. I've watched my 3 yo grandson cry his eyes out SO many freaking times because his mommy or daddy had to leave a visit or we had to drop one of them off after a visit. Breaks my heart. Seemingly breaks their hearts, too, but they can't seem to motivate themselves enough to do something about it. BioMom can't give up the heroin and my son can't seem to get his GED, get a steady job, get a car, or get his own housing. I know, all of those things are TOUGH; especially in this economy. But....my son and bioMom lived with me for THREE YEARS, rent free, having absolutely NO expenses. They could've had jobs, saved money, and had what they needed to be on their own with their child by now. I can't help it that they chose to lay around high, or the only time they were up and running was to chase the drug. They dug themselves into holes that are very, very difficult to climb back out of. No matter how it turns out, though, these little guys are going to be hurt and they are going to be angry. They will either miss their parents, or if their parents get it together enough to get them back, they will miss us - the ones who have been here and loved them and given them security during their formative years. Prayerfully, as they grow up, they will take better paths than their parents, and prayerfully, when they are grown, they will look back and realize how much we loved them and how much we gave up for them and they will be able to forgive their bio parents for the things they have put all of us through.
GMaWilli
And it really pisses me off that we have to be the ones to try and explain why the parent can't be there. We have to be the ones to make excuses and try to soften the blow for these babies. And why in the hell do I feel sorry for either one of the parents when I see them crying when they have to leave??? Do they ever feel sorry for the emotional roller coaster they have put ME on?? Do they feel sorry that I gave up a marriage and a "normal" mid-life life to take care of their son? NO. My son called me last weekend bugging me to bring my GS home so he could come over and be the daddy of the year by bringing him his spiderman bike (a week after Christmas). I spend the weekends at my boyfriend's house, which he knows. We both WORK all week (unlike HIM) and the weekends are the only time we really get together. He probably has his little girlfriend sleeping in his bed every night. We didn't get married because I chose to raise my GS and my 53 yo boyfriend didn't think he could start over parenting a young child 24/7. But, we do spend what time together that we can, which is mostly weekends. But my selfish son would change all that if I'd let him, too. Then he comes over and is all lovey-dovey, huggy, "I love you mom". Grrrrrr...............
Join the Conversation