Well, I received an email from the Adoption SW with an attachment with my choices. I then emailed her back with my heavy schedule with work & scheduled appointments that I have for gs so we can meet. She then emails me stating I needed to write her back with why I wanted to adopt my GS and all a list of Doc's and things that I need to do by December. After her email and several other things gong on in my life, just sent me off into a meltdown.

For over a year I have been fighting for all the special needs things my GS needed without help from social services. I dreamed that they would do only one thing that when this day came they would come to our home and talk with us personally about our choices face to face. I guess that was asking too much, we are just a number along with my gs. I found myself going into a meltdown, many other things started to pour into my mind, how much anger I had that my son and the bio mom did this to me and my gs. I have to make the decision that will change his life. Yes, we stepped in to save him from foster care however; my husband and I at times worry that will we be able to care for him as the years go on like he deserves to be cared for. I know we love him the most and will do all that will be needed for him however; I just expected a personal visit. My schedule is so heavy that at times I can't sleep at night. Then, my GS & I have been in this study for children who have been exposed to drugs & alcohol. I am the only relative caregiver in this study and the rest are foster & adoptive parents. There is this one young woman who seems to look down to me all of the time. She & her husband have money and she always brags on how she does all these wonderful things for her foster - to adopt child. She doesn't work nor have other children. I feel uncomfortable because foster to adopt people look at Bio's & relatives as their enemy because they are the ones who stop them from adopting. Not everyone there is like that however; this young woman thinks she is the leader. I now think I made a mistake of joining this group and had wished I just had taken classes through kinship. I have to drive 2 hrs there & back beside I take a half day of work off for it. I have to take of another full day for PT, OT, developmental therapy along with SW visits, Plus, other Dr appointments that are coming to eval my GS some more. I don't get paid and along with paying for my daughters braces it has taken a toll on our income.

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and I can't even list all the other things going on that just adds to my stress, I still have two daughters at home who are active and still need me & my 88 yr old mom.

Plus, now for issues at work...the school district that I work for has been having meetings with employees, teachers and tax payers of the town telling everyone how broke we are...the managers & supervisors are going around talking about layoffs and both my husband & I work for the school district so this would be a hardship. The upper managers & teachers take most of our funds however; the classified workers like me are the ones who get most of the cuts in furloughs and cuts in pay. People who retire here don't get replace and that create more work for us.

I know I will get through this however; I just think my cup is running over!! I can go for counseling however; that would be just one more scheduled demand on me that will add to my stress...I have come to believe that the foster care system with a special needs child the care giver has to NOT WORK... however; I can't quite work we need retirement funds....

Thanks all for listening to me and allowing me to VENT!!