We decided to adopt over the summer, and Pinky voluntarily signed the consent form. One of the "fathers" lives 900 miles away and his mother is trying to remind him to mail his consent form to the lawyer. I'm not sure it got there yet, but the lawyer's going on without it. The other "father" told the lawyer that he had a DNA test several years ago and he isn't the bio of the eldest. He might not be, but he certainly never had a DNA test because he would have needed something of hers. Who cares - he's officially out of the picture now.
Our next step is the home visit, then the hearing.
Get her to sign the form as soon as possible!

By law, you have to attempt to reach father. Your lawyer can send letter to last known address and or put ad in paper stating you are adopting. Lawyer will know what to do. Congratulations! re your daughter, assure her you will care for her daughter and tell her she is making best decision for her daughter. I hope all goes smoothly for you.

Thank you Sara & Daisy, I spoke with our lawyer today, she's starting the paperwork. Our granddaughter's father has deleted his facebook so I'm trying to find him through his family. We shall see!

I am so excited for you! What a blessing for you and your granddaughter! Can't wait to hear more!

It's great that your going for adoption. I hope you get the papers in soon. Mixed emotions on your part is natural. My DD had TPR done through CPS. When it came time for the adoption I was a mess inside between feeling horrible for my DD ( even though I know she made that choice) Horrible for the kids ( even though I know my DD made that choice) and horrible for my husband and I for life as it was planned will not be. Then the confusing part of ( I'm now a mother again to my Grand-children) What do they call me? what do I call myself? So strange to write or say I'm their mother...Even in front of my daughter! As time goes on it get's easier. The children call me Grandma. I call myself Grandmom towards them. School, doctors I'm MOM. It kind of flows out now! I still cry at what my children have done and what my Grandchildren have gone through. Would I adopt again...HELL YES!

Nutsandbolts, I don't know what state you're in but did it cost a lot? Did you need to do a home study? I just spoke to our lawyer yesterday and she's checking into what is required in an adoption of a family member, she said she's sure it's different than the usual adoption from a non-family member.

I have a lot of the same emotions. I just know that we're doing the right thing, God's hit me with every "sign" imaginable...sometimes I laugh out loud because the hits keep coming.

The evening of the same day our daughter told us she consents to the adoption, her new boyfriend/ baby daddy (not our granddaughter's father) left her and the new baby at our home...left to go back to Ohio! I almost lost my mind, I couldn't believe he'd do such a thing. He came back after almost 2 hours and took his family home. Our daughter acknowledged she needs help and will seek out services in her area...she's said this before. I feel for our grandson (he's 15 months) but I don't have a basis to help him at this point...only minor stuff I've seen and heard, much less than what occurred with my granddaughter (daughter lived in our home with granddaughter). I think this is part of the reason daughter was so eager to leave the state with the new guy.

We live in NJ and our adoption will cost about $3,000 from beginning to end - but that's because the bios aren't challenging us.
We have two home study agencies in our county and our lawyer was able to get the cheapest one - and, believe it or not, persuade the surrogate to allow just one visit instead of three. Do you believe they could have required THREE home visits because we're adopting three children? I suppose some government official's brain actually fired correctly, since all three are already living with us.
But the lawyer did have to file three separate "complaints" which cost about $300 each. The home study is about $800 (the other one would have been $1200) and the lawyer's time for the hearing is about $500. Plus a few hours to draft the papers, file the adoptions, etc.
I hope that helps - I assume it's more or less the same everywhere.

Red, I live in Arizona. My case was different because I had to fight the state to be brought into the case. My attorney bill was between 60 to70 k. Once my husband and I were brought into the case DD rights were terminated by the court. Then the state offered to pay 1500.00 for the adoption. Sara's breakdown sounds right.

We too spent about 80 thousand. The difference is state involvement.. constitutionally grandparents have no legal standing in courts. We had a state appointed GAL and we had hired one personally that we paid for. In most states if cps is involved,caseworker makes recommendations for adoption and state pays for adoption. With no involvement it is your word against bio word. Your attorney needs to provide case law to support your adoption.

Oh boy, I pray I get a good bonus in April:) Thank you so much everyone. I have a great lawyer that is trying to keep her costs down...we paid $2,000 for the guardianship 2 years ago.

Home studies seem so stupid for children that you've already had living in our home for their whole life!!!

We're gritting our teeth over that home study, too. Last October when Pinky's stalker boyfriend reported us to CPS, we had a thorough "home study" - why couldn't they use that, since it's less than a year? GOVERNMENT!

Don't worry about the home study. walk around your house. Based on the GC ages is your home age appropriate safe? Do you have food? Do the children have a bed and dresser or closet? If you have a pool? Is it fenced and locked? Is there garbage you've been meaning to get rid of in a corner of the yard... now would be a good time to do this. Most importantly think about how much you love your GC and your spouse. Remember be real!

Sara, your case may come up. did you save the letter stating you're cleared? That's all you need other than to explain it to them once gain.

Yes, nutsandbolts, we got an "unfounded" letter - which even the original CPS worker who came to our house at 10:30 at night knew we would. She dismissed the three cops within the first minute because she could tell immediately that it was a hoax. Grrrrr.

We showed the letter to our lawyer, but she said they're still going to want to do a separate home study. Jeeze - the one we had by CPS was like a proctology exam! You'd think they'd prefer that one for sure. Must have to do with the county getting more money.

We did not have a home study because we had cared for our grandson from birth, except for year and a half when bio dad remarried. What caused the bills to accumulate was histrionic behavior of step mom. We also were not in DCFS system which placed burden of proof on us while bio dad's rights were upheld. I was at State task force meeting today where DCFS representative gave appalling information as to best interests of child, or lack thereof. An attorney followed with the reality of parental rights being primary in the courts and both agreed that standards for parents are minimal and what we see as abuse may be a allowed as parental rights. As grandparents we are not being heard.

Sarah in our state grandparents, aunts, uncles, brother, and sisters aren't required to have a home study... I am bio moms cousin however my parents had custody or bio mom when she was a child... Unfortunately that didn't help us we still shelled out 1,000 for our home study.... That cost was a friend doing a favor. Happy to see you guys are adopting after so long.