Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Hi-I hope you don't mind if I share about my situation. I have posted here a few times but never really introduced myself.
I am 61 one years old. I remarried 3 years ago to a wonderful woman after losing my first wife to cancer - we were married for 33 years. Life was lonely and I met a miracle again! I have a grown daughter from my first marriage and a beautiful granddaughter - they live 600 miles away.
My issue-we have custody of my wife's two grandsons. (I joke with her that when they act out they are "Her Grandsons" and when they do something impressive they are "Ours." LOL)
We have had them for almost 8 months, full custody. They are 5 and 9. There are times when I feel panic, as if this is will be a 14 year journey through hell. Raising 2 boys is not what I had anticipated. Raising one daughter was nothing compared to this. Try as hard as I might I can't feel the same blood kinship towards them. They do love me, they have bonded to me. I am really the only consistent male figure in their lives who has not deserted them. I take them to school, pick them up for their visits, feed them, help them with homework, to their doctor appointments and take them so see their mom to social services. I recently retired and never did I anticipate I'd be a parent all over again. There are times I am resentful and my wife knows it. She is afraid I will leave her. I won't do that! I am not a selfish person but I am tired. I don't have the energy to go outside and play soccer, nor do I really care about "Minecraft." The 9 year old knows how to push my buttons. He is smart, angry at his mom, and there I times I am more of a counselor to him than his own therapist.
Their mother is to appear in court in a month. She accepted a plea bargain from a felony to two counts of misdemeanor child abuse. I think they will offer her probation and drug testing. I am not sure if she will do jail time or not. Also the victim witness told us we can fill out some kind of form, a "Victim Statement." I am tempted to ask for one-I am angry!
I have thought of seeing a therapist for myself. I need someone to sound off too.
Thanks for letting me vent and share.
I am 61 one years old. I remarried 3 years ago to a wonderful woman after losing my first wife to cancer - we were married for 33 years. Life was lonely and I met a miracle again! I have a grown daughter from my first marriage and a beautiful granddaughter - they live 600 miles away.
My issue-we have custody of my wife's two grandsons. (I joke with her that when they act out they are "Her Grandsons" and when they do something impressive they are "Ours." LOL)
We have had them for almost 8 months, full custody. They are 5 and 9. There are times when I feel panic, as if this is will be a 14 year journey through hell. Raising 2 boys is not what I had anticipated. Raising one daughter was nothing compared to this. Try as hard as I might I can't feel the same blood kinship towards them. They do love me, they have bonded to me. I am really the only consistent male figure in their lives who has not deserted them. I take them to school, pick them up for their visits, feed them, help them with homework, to their doctor appointments and take them so see their mom to social services. I recently retired and never did I anticipate I'd be a parent all over again. There are times I am resentful and my wife knows it. She is afraid I will leave her. I won't do that! I am not a selfish person but I am tired. I don't have the energy to go outside and play soccer, nor do I really care about "Minecraft." The 9 year old knows how to push my buttons. He is smart, angry at his mom, and there I times I am more of a counselor to him than his own therapist.
Their mother is to appear in court in a month. She accepted a plea bargain from a felony to two counts of misdemeanor child abuse. I think they will offer her probation and drug testing. I am not sure if she will do jail time or not. Also the victim witness told us we can fill out some kind of form, a "Victim Statement." I am tempted to ask for one-I am angry!
I have thought of seeing a therapist for myself. I need someone to sound off too.
Thanks for letting me vent and share.
She escaped mother (my daughter) when she was 16 and came to us. I gained permanent custody, finally! Our GD came back to us REALLY angry and hurt, with blue hair, wearing all black and tons of makeup. My husband said "When I look at you, I still see my little girl."
We are all struggling but we will make it. Of course you have anger and resentment! I agree that it would be nice if you have someone to vent to. This group is great for that! Or a nice counselor of your own. :)
Nevertheless little Kevin needs our family so I will do everything I can to support my wife in his upbringing. I love our grandkids like they were my own children, and I too am a "stepgrandpa" to Kevin. I respect all the stepfathers and grandfathers who are good men raising these kids in a respectable way. it might be good for you to talk face to face to someone about how you feel. sometimes good to let that stuff go.
I'm sure you can share anything here anytime. Theres good people here that will support you.
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Remember that if you're collecting Social Security and adopt them, you will qualify for additional benefits. They include payments plus scholarship opportunities, etc.
My husband is also a stepgradpa. We have adopted our granddaughter and he is the best father I could dream of for her.
A while back we had three grandsons for just over a year, I was the one falling apart. Both of us work and took turns staying up at night to be sure all were safe. If I were him, I don't think I could have done nearly as well as he did. That is a hard pill for me, the one that is supposed to be all nurturing and love. I was glad to be in a support group where no one judged and everyone supported each other.
Self-care is the last thing most of us have time or energy for but it will help you to be the best parent (or hubby)you can be for the kids. Do what you need to, therapy, groups, or hobbies, what ever it is that will give you the energy, education, or what you need to be the best you can be. You are doing great!