I can't imagine what can be more frustrating than that! Why can't they wake up and see the damage they cause their children?. It wreaks havoc in their little lives to go through the emotional roller coaster like that.

The worst is that I sarcastically said " of course we'll unblock your phone for YOOOOOOOOOOU, because it's all about YOOOOOOOU, isn't it?"

And she said "yes! I want to see MY KIDS, so it's all about ME!"

If it weren't for my husband, who thinks a month is too long, I would have just told her "see you in court."

I was hoping for the kids and your sake that she was gone. A month is not long enough to prove she cares, at least for the right reasons. Go slowly.

She called today and I listened in. She told each kid "don't believe everything you're told" and "Mom-Mom wouldn't let me call you but now I can."

And of course the "someday maybe you can come to my new apartment."

So then I had to sit them down and tell them again that Pop-Pop and I always tell them the truth. If we can't tell them everything, we tell them that, as well. And that they won't be going with "Mommy" anywhere for a long time, but we can see her eventually at McDonald's or the mall.

Next time she's going to be on speakerphone. I know she won't call every night for a month, though. I DO with she would just go away.

Oh, I would've blown a gasket when I heard her tell them those things. I would've picked up the extension and said, "You're done. Call's OVER." She doesn't have ANY BUSINESS WHATSOEVER even calling them once a day for a month!!!! The very first time she calls in 5 months and she's lying to them & manipulating and saying things to get their hopes up. She's just going to wreak havoc on their emotional stability. Wow; I really feel sorry for you. Your husband needs to lay down the law & tell her she's not going to BE a part of those kids' lives until she gets clean, stays clean, and can PROVE it. When she ends up murdered (prostituting!!!), it will be better for the kids if they're as emotionally distanced from her as possible. Doesn't your husband realize that?? She's looking at either death or prison. I really don't think she should be allowed anything, but if you HAVE to humor her, I'd set up a SHORT one hour supervised visit every week - same day, same time, same place. If she's late - leave. If she misses visits, then stop them. What's she going to do? Pay at attny and take you to court? NOT. Wow................this kind of crap gets me going.

WOW Sarah...

I am so sorry that y'all are going through this crap with your step daughter. I hope she doesn't follow through with the plan AND I also agree with everyone here... She doesn't deserve ANYTHING. If she can't keep her crap together and WANT to stay sober for "HER" kids, then it really tells us all what type of person she really is... selfish, selfish, selfish. I especially agree with GMaWilli said.

Thanks for your support -- I feel exactly the way you do! I will be publicly listening in from now on, although I don't think she'll keep up the calls. And the moment she starts her crap I will end the call.

They're useless calls, too. She still talks to the kids with baby talk: "are you being a good girl/boy?" "Do you do your homework?" "Do you like your teacher?" She must think they're still toddlers!!!

I'm SO glad I'm not crazy, laying down the law like that. I will stick to my guns :-)

"They're useless calls, too. She still talks to the kids with baby talk: "are you being a good girl/boy?" "Do you do your homework?" "Do you like your teacher?" She must think they're still toddlers!!!"

This, I think, is the result of not being there to watch the kiddos grow and develop. Both the bios treat gs as though he is still 5, though less so with bio-dad as he sees him now about once a week. Still, as late as about 6 months ago, bd brought gs a bag of "goodies" which included a picture book and go-fish playing cards (pictures only.) The kid has a 7th grade reading level and plays rummy (with real cards) and chess! Bio-mom still calls gs "baby" though he's starting to stand up for himself and tell her, "Don't call me that. I'm not a baby."

Keep us posted Sara. Your husband should also realize that it would actually be BEST for his DAUGHTER to lay down tough boundaries and STICK TO THEM. She obviously, painfully, NEEDS some boundaries in her life!!!!! And consistent consequences. You don't get cleaned up and stay that way - you don't see or talk to "your" kids..............PERIOD!!!!!!!!

How are the calls coming along, Sara?

So far she's called every night for four nights straight. I'm guessing the calls will stop after about two weeks. If I remember correctly, two weeks is about her limit. Then she goes out and gets high again.

I know this because she isn't going to meetings at all.

Ok Sarah you get the grandmom of the month award for not just killing her outright!!
Record the calls, then you have proof she is badmouthing you and the hubby to the kids.
the thought is that it takes a MINIMUM of a month for someone to make a permanent change in their life, with folks like your husbands daughter I would guess 6 months wouldn't be long enough. Anyone who can go 5 months and not contact their kids does not deserve the grace you are giving her.
Just remember, document, document, document
God Bless you lady