Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I don't post much, but I have followed everyone here and your strength and wisdom has strengthened me. However, it has been brought to my attention that I am making the same mistakes with my granddaughter that I made with her mother and all of my work, love and financial sacrifices are not worth anything. I am not strong and don't see any end to this. I still have limited contact with my daughter and that is wrong to some people. There is too much to try to explain as I am a slow at typing and I can hardly see for crying. The granddaughter I get every other weekend is hated by my husband because she told a lie on him, but it is so hard to turn my back on her when I feel she was manipulated by the aunt who has custody. I lost one grandchild when the biodad took her and refuses to let anyone on my side see her. Anyway I wish you all success and thank you for your support throughtou the years. Daisy I wish I had your strength and wisdom. I just want out. I was planning to retire in 6 months but now must keep working as I can't afford insurance and I am in debt with all the expenses for the girls. I pray for help but I feel like I don't deserve any. I am the cause of all of this and I would be better off dead.
Whoever brought that to your attention may have been trying to hurt you. I say this because if it was a licensed therapist, they would not have left you hanging after making such a revelation!!!!!
Perhaps you are making the same mistakes - so what?????? Not one of us is perfect and we all make mistakes every single day.
Where is the PROOF that any "mistakes" you made with her mother caused her own problems? Think about it for a moment: There are parents who are far, far worse than any of us - and some of their kids turned out fine and some did not. There are also excellent parents - the kind we'd call perfect -- who turn out absolutely rotten kids, as well.
The more I see of children, the more I realize that parents (or grandparents) have a large influence in their lives. But so do teachers, pastors, other children, video games, the Internet, TV, movies, etc.
Perhaps you are simply having a few bad weeks. Call upon the Lord, who can and will show you a way through it. We just had a testimony from a woman who is now our prayer leader. She said that for an entire year she didn't know how she would ever get out of the valley she was in. So she really started to read her Bible and pray, and the Lord came to her aid.
The fact that you have been here, sharing your stories and providing guidance to the rest of us, proves that you are a caring person who wants the best. But sometimes life just hands us a pile of crap. And in many cases it isn't our fault.
Therapy could be a good idea, whether it's licensed or pastoral. There IS a way through your despair, and blaming yourself for everything will only make it worse.
Thinking about it strictly from a logical point of view, if everything really IS your fault, then you are an extremely powerful person! And if you're that powerful, you can overcome your despair. NOT!
Therefore, everything CAN'T be your fault and you can take comfort in knowing that. :-)