Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
My husband's daughter still isn't doing anything about her recovery. No job, no home (she says she's living in a "recovery house" whatever that is), and sounds high sometimes on the rare times she calls the kids.
Leading up to Thanksgiving she said she would call every day "so she could come down" to visit. Of course, she called maybe once a week, then three nights in a row, then nothing. One night she called at 9:30 and said she knew the kids were asleep but she wanted to "put her call in."
We didn't allow her to come down for Thanksgiving because the last two times she was here the kids got scabies. Each time we have to put a neurotoxin cream on to kill them, wash EVERYTHING in the house and clean every single inch.
She denies having scabies, of course -- but the only people who got them were the three people who shared a bed with her - the three grandchildren.
Now she's angling for Christmas, so the calls are increasing again. Personally, I don't ever want to see her again, but I'm afraid my husband will give in. We do Christmas morning here, then go to my son and daughter-in-law's house. My daughter-in-law will not allow her to be there because of the scabies thing.
What would you do in this situation?
Leading up to Thanksgiving she said she would call every day "so she could come down" to visit. Of course, she called maybe once a week, then three nights in a row, then nothing. One night she called at 9:30 and said she knew the kids were asleep but she wanted to "put her call in."
We didn't allow her to come down for Thanksgiving because the last two times she was here the kids got scabies. Each time we have to put a neurotoxin cream on to kill them, wash EVERYTHING in the house and clean every single inch.
She denies having scabies, of course -- but the only people who got them were the three people who shared a bed with her - the three grandchildren.
Now she's angling for Christmas, so the calls are increasing again. Personally, I don't ever want to see her again, but I'm afraid my husband will give in. We do Christmas morning here, then go to my son and daughter-in-law's house. My daughter-in-law will not allow her to be there because of the scabies thing.
What would you do in this situation?
I am so sorry that you are going through this again or should I say, still.
What I would do, if it were me in your shoes, is to ask the children if they want to see her on Christmas. If they say yes, the I would tell her that she has to go to a doctor and get a clean bill of health and then bring you something in writing from an actual doctor (they can either put it on script pads or letter head) stating that she is clean of scabies. As far as your son's and DIL's tell hubbys daughter that she may come for Christmas Eve for a few hours but she may not spend the night. That way, if the kids want to see their incubator, then they can see her and she won't be attending Christmas day.
I definately wouldn't allow her around your home in any way shape or form if she still has scabies or anything else.
Scabies is SO disgusting. Before that, she was living in a place with bedbugs. Fortunately we made her leave her clothing outside when she would come to visit, so we escaped those.
I just can't believe she's denying that she has them! The first time she was at our house she was scratching like a dog with fleas. She finally went to the ER and that's when she discovered what it was. So we all had to get treated, the entire house sprayed, laundered, shampooed, etc.
Then she came down in late summer and she wasn't scratching, but the kids ended up with scabies again. So she must have them, but she refuses to admit it. There's NO WAY the kids could have gotten them otherwise. They don't do sleepovers, and you have to be that close to get them.
Oh, this is so much more than any normal human being should have to put up with. It's soooooo much better when she doesn't call and stays away.
Sorry, didn't mean to steal your post, but I wanted to let you know that I feel the same way as you....
I'm leaning toward the meeting place. I suspect, however, that my husband will overrule me and invite her down for the day/night/whatever. Sheesh!
To this day I have to watch what I say about his daughter. I can't call her a skanky drug-ho, for example, at least not to him (HAHAHAHA). So I usually just let him talk and ask questions, and he often comes to the "right" decision in the end.