Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Hello,
I really didn't think I would be a grandparent until my biological sons were married and had their own children
But I adopted (taking care of) A mother 28 and her child 22 month old daughter.
Of course I wanted to help her when her abjusive husband and her split up (still married after a year) She was going to go back to her relatives in another state and realized the family was so dysfunctional that she would move in with a couple who are also dysfunctional.
She says she has nowhere else to go and it is only temporary. On top of everything she lost her home and job due to her plans to move when the baby was 3 months old.
Well, since then she has borrowed my car and used me as an interim babysitter. She has the state to help supplement her day care but her hours are too early for her to take the baby. I am disabled and cannot watch her all day. Of cours on the occasional Saturday she works or Holiday I am her only sitter.
Her hours made me put her on my car insurance when she got a job. Hurrah she has a job and she is saving for her own car. Just one thing:
I recieve no money from her to compensate for gas time or anything that I buy for baby because she forgets things.
What can I do? I have hinted that we need help and I would appreciate anything . After all I am paying extra on my car insurance.
I really need a shoulder to cry on. Yes I am christian but I am just looking for a source of encouragement.
By the way my sons are 25 and 28 and live 2 counties away.
I really didn't think I would be a grandparent until my biological sons were married and had their own children
But I adopted (taking care of) A mother 28 and her child 22 month old daughter.
Of course I wanted to help her when her abjusive husband and her split up (still married after a year) She was going to go back to her relatives in another state and realized the family was so dysfunctional that she would move in with a couple who are also dysfunctional.
She says she has nowhere else to go and it is only temporary. On top of everything she lost her home and job due to her plans to move when the baby was 3 months old.
Well, since then she has borrowed my car and used me as an interim babysitter. She has the state to help supplement her day care but her hours are too early for her to take the baby. I am disabled and cannot watch her all day. Of cours on the occasional Saturday she works or Holiday I am her only sitter.
Her hours made me put her on my car insurance when she got a job. Hurrah she has a job and she is saving for her own car. Just one thing:
I recieve no money from her to compensate for gas time or anything that I buy for baby because she forgets things.
What can I do? I have hinted that we need help and I would appreciate anything . After all I am paying extra on my car insurance.
I really need a shoulder to cry on. Yes I am christian but I am just looking for a source of encouragement.
By the way my sons are 25 and 28 and live 2 counties away.
First of all, welcome -- this is a great place to vent, get advice, whine, uplift, you name it!
It's wonderful that you're caring for someone that I assume is not your daughter and her child? Hopefully it will be a temporary situation and she will get on her own feet soon.
If I were in your situation I wouldn't hint. I would lay down a "contract" with her that stipulates the amount she needs to pay you every week or month, a goal date for her to move out, responsibilities, etc. I would even put it into writing and have both of you sign it. Would she be willing to attend church with you?
If you don't, it could become an open ended, possibly permanent arrangement, and she could end up taking advantage of you.
I'll never forget Dear Abby's favorite saying: The only way you can be taken advantage of is if you allow it :-)
God bless you -- hope to hear from you more often!
She is going to church. Every Sunday. She is doing everything she possibly can except the money. I really haven't figured out how much because I don't want her to get too discouraged. So I guess I will have to do some math. I have a disability that makes it really hard to crunch numbers so it is a good idea to put in writting.
Pray for me. I want to be fair since they are little sisters also.
Also, if she is on public assistance of some sort she should be kicking in for food.
If nothing else, it will help her budget her money so she'll be better able to manage if/when she gets back on her own two feet.
She has bought grocery's for us a few times. Or actually once and then 2 complete meals. I am not ungrateful but the stamps do not pay the bills. I told her in an email the difference and I told her I am not charging her for anything else
I feed her usually on the evening when she has worked 12 or more hours,. No problem.
She is and has been training to be certified as a dialysis person. I don't know her title. But God has blessed her and I still want some blessing myself. I don't begrudge anything. I just need a little help with the insurance. God knows.
I guess she has to learn to be responsible.
1 of my sons did not learn that lesson (prodigal) I am afraid when his grandma passes he is going to be in a world full of hurt,
Thanks for listening and I hope whoever reads this gets something out of it. And thanks for your posts. A lot of you are going through some real serious stuff. This too shall pass.
To be fair she does bring me a bunch of diapers and wipes. She has just started bringing the foods she likes to eat, and what she wants her to eat. Now I just have to get her to remember to give me at least 2 outfits as the accidents can happen.
She did start on Friday to pay me for the insurance money difference that I pay for having her on my account.
She gets aid and they were paying for her day care but she just received info on going on a different level of aid. So she is waiting to hear about the amount she might have to pay.
After I sent her the email and I asked her to help out. Not only did she help out but she also offered to buy me and my husband a steak dinner as long as my husband barbecues.
I guess I just needed a little encouragement from you ladies. It is so nice to get another child caregivers opinion.