Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

446 Members
3,703 Posts
0 Online
Seniors
/ Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

venting

8legs
8legs
I have had enough. I have dealing with a drug addict daughter for 4 years. I have paid for two 2year rehab centers that she was kicked out of in two different cities. I have been supervising the visists for over 3 years. My gc have lived with me for 4 years now. I have full custody. The only reason that she gets to see them is because I am trying to lessen the abbandament issues that my come out later in life for the boys. My 4year old only knows me has his mommy because I have had him since he was 2 months old and having to deal with the issues that come from his first 2 months of life with drug addict parnets letting his crys go unnoticed because they were too high to even know he was there. My older gc has been in threapy since he came to live with me and I must say he is a happy 8year old now but still wants to see his mother. Easter she created drama here and the next day I come across an email that states she is using drugs. She hacked into my email and changed my password. I have stopped all visits until I can moved them to the Safe program. I have been playing the tuff love card, disconnected with love and now the only thing I can do now is to diconnect all together. No more contact. When I first found out about her addiction I felt like I had lost her. I greived the loss. Then she seem to get it together, then something else would come up and again the loss each time I would disconnect a little more. Before Easter it was just very little and only about the boys. Now I will not have contact with her. And now I find myself with the feeling of loss. Dont get me wrong I have done a good job spliting myself in half first the boys the the mother of my daughter. I will always have them but now I dont have my daughter. I lost her along time ago. I was just kidding myself til now.
daisydduck
daisydduck
I wish I could say I understand but losing my daughter was different. She suffered from brain cancer. After her first surgery she became bipolar. She lived for 8 years and I prayed so hard for her too be well. When she turned 21, it became more difficult because we could not speak directly with her doctors. When she married I so wanted her to be happy but the guy she married was a real loser from a family of weirdos.the one good thing was our grandson. I can understand your feelings and frustration hoping your daughter be well. My prayers are with you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi, I know how you feel. I have a son that is a addict. he was sent to rehab by the courts and had 30 days left and ran. He got caught and is now in jail. I have told him not to call or have any contact with us. Its very hard, We are raising his 4 sons. My son and his girlfriend decided to ues. between me and her sister, we got the kids taken away from them. she was pregaunt and using. think God my granddaughter is ok. but its hard I cry for my son alot. but i had to make the choice for the boys. just wanted to let you know you are not alone
JanAndRob
JanAndRob
My son and his addiction have finally eroded my feelings for him. We have his daughter. He has been a drug addict since mid teens, now 29. I wont bother to list all the rehabs, thefts, court dates of the first 10 years. But, he did not stop when arrested with two small children in the car (buying and using heroin), he did not stop when his daughter was born addicted, he did not stop when she was diagnosed with leukemia, he did not stop when we had to take guardianship of his daughter 8 months ago, and now, he's taking us to court (next Fri) to try to have our guardianship removed. We will do all we can to take care of this 4 year old, but I have given up on my son. Period. Never mind blaming the addiction and not the addict. You do not put children in these horrible situations. You put children first. My son and his gf have not done this. I expect nothing any longer from either of them, and therefore I will not be disappointed. Done.
8legs
8legs
thank you for the support. I knew the day that I took my boys from my daughter that my life would change forever. I guess I just thought that I would get her back. I know that it wont happen. My 8year even stated it has been 4years. He is doing so good that his threaphy sessions were on a only when he asked to she her. He hadnt asked for sometime now until Easter Sunday he has aked and had 2 visitis with his threapist. I dont know what they talk about. He only shares a little from time to time. She says that he is doing good. He seems very happy. When he came to live with me he would only talk to you in movie lines and yesterday he got 2place in a Speech meet. I am so proud.My 4 year old faces so many challanages because of my daught using drugs and his first 2 months of live going with crys unheard and who knows what else.
daisydduck
daisydduck
They say a mother will love her children no matter what, unconditional love, but when they hurt us and those we love..where do you draw the line? My son has been so hurtful I can't believe it. We strongly believe he's mentally ill but is that an excuse? My heart goes out to those of you dealing with addiction. No matter what the reason, when do you stop loving the child you brought into this world?
8legs
8legs
you never stop loving them.You just love them in silents. The pain never goes away we just learn to deal with it much like when our love ones pass on. I have had to do some very hard things when it comes to my daughter. When I sat by and let her be homeless waiting for the phone to ring saying that they have found my daughter dead in a ditch somewhere which never came. I have learned when it comes to an addict they always find a way to get their drugs and I apply that to everything. They will find a way to get to the dealer. If they can do that find a way to get their drugs they could find a way out they just have to want to. What better reason then your children right.Thats what we think but to them it is always the next high. addiction is a illness and it is a live long battle but it is one that the addict must fight without us. The stats are not very good the percentage is very low for the ones that win the battle i am sorry to say. For those that are raising children from addicts must do everything we can to stop the cycle.
SaraBT
SaraBT
Blegs, my husband and I have had his daughter ("Pinky's") three children for nine years this summer. There is no chance of Pinky getting them back. And now that she's going on 38 (acting more like she's 14), it doesn't seem as if there's much chance she'll ever get her own life in order, either.

She went straight for about a year and a half, then started using again. My eldest granddaughter started cutting, and we all thought it was because she missed her "mother," or because of general abandonment issues. Turns out the trigger for her cutting was Pinky's visits!!!! When Pinky started using and stopped visiting, the cutting stopped as well. We're working on that, and I hope our granddaughter can find better tools to deal with Pinky, because I'm sure she'll turn up again.
Hang in there! Pinky says we practiced tough love on her, but I think we just got sick and tired of the drama and games. Pinky isn't my bio-daughter, so I find it easier than my husband does to walk away from her and not care.
8legs
8legs
yes they say that a addict stays at the age they were when they start using. I find that they be true with my daughter. I thank you for your story and will pray for you and your family. Do the children get any threapy I have had my 8year in since I got him. I have found a great thearpist and banking that all of the sessions pay off when he is a teenager. With him working through his problems now. 3 years ago he had alot of anger toward me and his parnets which I am happy to say he has worked through. His new anger is more of a sadness becuase he knows that his mother is using again and all the other that comes with using. His father is in pirson.
SaraBT
SaraBT
We currently have our eldest in therapy, not just for the cutting but for some reason she won't talk to me about anything important or meaningful.

So far we've discovered that she trusts me, loves me and isn't afraid of confiding in me, isn't afraid of my reaction, etc. etc.. The reason she won't?

"I don't know." The answer she gives to just about everything.

I can't wait until we break through that "I don't know" crap. Surely there's a reason she'll talk to everyone but me...sigh.
grammy22
grammy22
I still have a 32 year old who still is in the I don't know crap. Most kids are out of it by 18-21. I have a long way to go.
8legs
8legs
thank you for sharing. I find that my 8 year will talk to me when memories are triggered. My threapist says that memories are always triggered by something. We dont just recall a memory. When he sares with me I have found that if I dont ask any questions I just sit quitely I get more info. It is when I start asking questions he shuts down. He still doest share everything thing with me. Today his teacher told me that he said" My mom has been lying to me for 4 years" Just be there for the tmes she does want to talk as I know you will. God bless