Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
First I want to tell a little bit of my history and hope that you all don't think bad of me.
I had 2 of my children when I was very young,the oldest 2 months before my 16th b'day and the second [boys mother] less than a year later.I wasn't on drugs but I didn't have my childhood out at that point and left my children with my parents alot so I could run around with my friends.Well,DCS decided that I wasn't a fit mother.The worker had a big problem with unwed/teenage mothers and she used everthing she could find against me and my children were put into foster care for 5 months.I cried myself to sleep every night and worked my butt off during the day and got my babies back,1 week after my 18th b'day.I have tried to be a good mother to my children ever since,making sure that I never did anything that could even come close to getting my children taken again.I even got married,to the children's father,and stayed with him for 10 years even though he was abusive because I was afraid of loosing my babies if I didn't.Even when I knew my own life was in danger I stayed for them,because I was afriad the dcs would take them from me again and I would rather be dead than be without my babies.
Now back to today. I tried to block the adoption on My gd by the foster parents and got as far as the homestudy.I falied the home study because of what happened 22 years ago.I even tried to appeal the homestudy and because I didn't get the letter until after the 10 day time period and because of several family emergencies back to back I didn't get that done either.Now we have walked away from the whole situation and have stopped our fight for gd because we are worried about being able to keep our boys.The DCS said that it didn't affect the boys in any way but I don't trust them.
I have had to take out restraining orders against my dd,the bio,because of her making threats against our family,the boys included.I have to keep my family safe and we don't feel that going on fighting for my gd is the right thing to do right now.At least where she is now she is safe from all the craziness of her mother.Maybe she can go out and play and not worry about my dd trying to steal her or hurting her.My dd don't know where we live but she might be able to find out by other family members who are still sympathetic to her.I love my gd and want what is best for her and maybe this is best.I think that God has a reason for everything,even this.So I am going to follow the old saying "If you love something set it free" and set her free and some day maybe she will come back to us and I can explain to her what happened.
I had 2 of my children when I was very young,the oldest 2 months before my 16th b'day and the second [boys mother] less than a year later.I wasn't on drugs but I didn't have my childhood out at that point and left my children with my parents alot so I could run around with my friends.Well,DCS decided that I wasn't a fit mother.The worker had a big problem with unwed/teenage mothers and she used everthing she could find against me and my children were put into foster care for 5 months.I cried myself to sleep every night and worked my butt off during the day and got my babies back,1 week after my 18th b'day.I have tried to be a good mother to my children ever since,making sure that I never did anything that could even come close to getting my children taken again.I even got married,to the children's father,and stayed with him for 10 years even though he was abusive because I was afraid of loosing my babies if I didn't.Even when I knew my own life was in danger I stayed for them,because I was afriad the dcs would take them from me again and I would rather be dead than be without my babies.
Now back to today. I tried to block the adoption on My gd by the foster parents and got as far as the homestudy.I falied the home study because of what happened 22 years ago.I even tried to appeal the homestudy and because I didn't get the letter until after the 10 day time period and because of several family emergencies back to back I didn't get that done either.Now we have walked away from the whole situation and have stopped our fight for gd because we are worried about being able to keep our boys.The DCS said that it didn't affect the boys in any way but I don't trust them.
I have had to take out restraining orders against my dd,the bio,because of her making threats against our family,the boys included.I have to keep my family safe and we don't feel that going on fighting for my gd is the right thing to do right now.At least where she is now she is safe from all the craziness of her mother.Maybe she can go out and play and not worry about my dd trying to steal her or hurting her.My dd don't know where we live but she might be able to find out by other family members who are still sympathetic to her.I love my gd and want what is best for her and maybe this is best.I think that God has a reason for everything,even this.So I am going to follow the old saying "If you love something set it free" and set her free and some day maybe she will come back to us and I can explain to her what happened.
I think that you made a good decision. Will this be an open adoption or will the Foster's let you send letter or send pics to you to keep you updated on gd??? If not then maybe start a book or message box and write notes or letters about what is going on, or on special days, and keep this so that when she turns 18 you will have this to share with her. I think you are a very strong woman. I admire you.
have a blessed day.
Peggy
The father's mother said she could raise one or two, but not all three (actually I don't blame her LOL). We didn't want any, but didn't want them to go in the system, either.
As it turned out, Pinky ran off with all three kids and ended up back in the city with a boyfriend for a couple of years. Then we ended up with all three, anyway.
But the bottom line is that we seriously considered taking only one or two. Now we know why :-)
Thank you for sharing. Did you read my recent post? I've come to the place you are at.
All any of us can do is the best we can. There are things we cannot control and things we cannot influence. But in the end, what is important is that we did our best.
You did your best, and I am glad you have decided to move on. It sounds like you have the assurance that your gd is in a good place. Sometimes I think my gs would have been better off adopted and out of this tug of war his father pursues.
Hopefully some day you will all be at peace with all that has happened. God bless!
{{{{HUGS}}}}
I am very proud of you. You have done what is best for you and your gd. All anyone can do is their best at any given moment and you have done your best.
Patty
One thing I wanted to add to this I never allowed the abuse from their father to reach them.He never touched me in front of anyone.He did what he did in private,when the children were at school or sleeping.No matter what he did I never made a sound for fear they would hear and come to investigate.When he started making the kids sit on the couch and watch him try to kill himself I took all 5 of the children [my 4 and my stepson] and left.
Hang in there.
You did what was not only needed, but what was right! And it took a lot of strength - strength that God is using now! God Bless!
god bless